I remember seeing a show a few months back about herion addiction. An affair is EXACTLY JUST LIKE THAT. It will take time, you do need to be patience. If you find trouble with anxiety or obessing SEE A DOCTOR THEY CAN HELP. I am on weelburin (helps to stop smoking which was why they went this way). I later developed problems obessing so the doctor put me on Paxil. It helped and it may help you.<P> NEVER will you suffer like you are now. NEVER will anything hurt like this hurts. My wife asked me after the discovery why I was trying now when I didn't before. She thought it was due to the OM only. I talk her that before this she was only running me over with cars, trucks buses but this is an aircraft carrier. IT HAS BEEN BECAUSE OF THIS PAIN THAT I HAVE GROWN. You need to take this time to learn, learn, learn. If you made it thru all the math they hit you with in school I know you can do this.<P> Become a one man walking romantic whatever. Be ready for her so that when you do get to see her you more then ready to put you best foot forward. If you hung up put out posts like J WILLY when he ask the ladies what would put love units in there love bank.<P> Before, this happened she saw you every day and only saw him on a date type basis. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Now is the time that she will HOPEFULLY start to see that this is not exactly what she thought is was.<P> Until this day you must take care of yourself. Don't lose sight of the good times. Don't lose sight of your goal. Try and be confident around her. Yes I do agree that if she has moved out you do need to move on with your life butI wouldn't give up the ship, I would get ready, stock pile ammuno. Think back to the days you were dating what did the two of you do ??????<P>The person you were then is the person your wife loves!!!!!<P>Look at pictures, pick apart your marriage and find out how it changed. Hopefully this will help you find a few items to help. I now have a quote that I am going wear out on this forum.<P>If you don't have an affair with your wife someone else will.<P>I have given up on my marriage!!!! I have found it to be to much fun having an affair with my wife.<P>As far as coming up with the strength, it is very hard and even with me as good as things are going in the last 24 hours I have hit a wonder high followed by a fall into hell. I then was able to get back up to doing pretty good and I know find myself feeling low again. It takes time, I find I create my own lows and I'M PRETTY DAMN GOOD AT IT. My strength comes from this beautiful lady I married 18 years ago. I wnat her, I love her and I'll be DAMNED if I'm going to lose her. I am getting better at not losing sight of my goal and that helps.<P>I also find strength in coming here. I end up trying to help others and this ends up helping me to do a better job of practing what I'm preaching.<P>Another suggestion is put this in Gods hands!. My people skills were petty bad 1 1/2 years ago. I wasn't that religious when we changed churchs. I was Catholic and am now Methodist. After being at this church for about 1-2 months me and the wife were asked to teach the sunday school for high school kids. We did it. Shortly after that my wife started working on sundays and I was abandom to deal with these kids on my own. I took the challenger and what I do is to just talk to them and I have learned to become reconnected to the human race (Engineer are not human and I'm one of them). It was as if God was looking down on us and he saw a good couple that was just throwing away a beautiful marriage. I handle that class for a good 6-8 months before the affair. If I didn't get that little refresher course in being human I never would have made it thought this mess. The kids I teach have actually bought me back to square one again so I could start my life over. God works in small ways, he is not going to end this affair for you but if you ask him for the help you'll find the strength to get you thought this mess. You'll be able to deal with the pain better. You'll learn more. Anyone that finds themselfs in the same position that the two of us have been in need to get there act together before they can fix the marriage.<P> To many times we get caught up in living. Buying the new car, keeping up with the jones's OR IN THE CASE OF ENGINEERS DEALING WITH THE PRESSURE OF UNREAL DEAD LINES. My wife favor line is "Who is going to be there at you death bed, Work or your family" Think about it. I threw caution to the wind and basicly didn't care about any of that. My wife was more important then Bills, deadlines or any other form of BS. I now have a terrible creidt rating but I DON'T CARE. I lose some of my reliablty rating at work but I DON'T CARE. I have even giving answer off the top of my head because I was to busy doing relationship research but I DON'T CARE.<P>You may find that your wife (I know mine felt this way) thinks your priorites are screwed up. If you think about it if she was number one would this have happened. The same book that talked about having an affair with you wife talks about how to treat a woman. Basisly she should be more special then anything or anyone in the world. She should be more special the football game. She should be more special then that beautiful blonde that just walk by. She should be the number one person in your life and the world should disappear when she comes around you.<P>I truely hope this is of some help for you and I PRAY THAT YOU WILL GET THE CHANCE TO SHOW HER HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO YOU.<P>Your in my pray and I wish you the best<P>Joe<BR>
