Hi, all. It's been a while since I posted anything original. Been lurking mostly. W is still here, but I think we will be moving her out today. On a week from this coming Friday, she will be halfway thru her 6 month lease on the apartment and hasn't even spent a night there. We spent some time yesterday at a local plant nursery deciding what flowers to put in the landscaping this year. She still participates in this like she isn't moving and talks about things we should/are going to do down the road. Poor girl is so confused.<P>When we talked about the move yesterday, I asked if she was still feeling bad about it and she is. I asked her why and she said it was because I saw it as permanent. I apologized for that, but told her it is how I really feel and gave her the reasons why. She(as usual) had absolutely no responses to what I said, either agreeing or disagreeing.<P>We are still waiting on the third real estate appraiser. When this finally comes to fruition, I am really going to be pi$$ed off. I had the re-fi ready to go in October and mortgage rates have risen more than a point and one-half since then. The delays have all been her fault and now it's going to cost me a fortune. I don't even know if I will be able to keep the house now.<P>Oh, well, I'm just too tired of this to continue right now. Maybe I'll come back later and add some more....<P>--DeWayne--

DeWayne,<P>She planned to move out three months ago and hasn't???? MMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! SOunds to me as if she doesn't really want to. What about the OM is she still seeing him contacting him?<BR>I wish I knew what to tell you, h@!!, I don't even know what to do myself. All I can send is my hugs to you. ANd hold your hand through cyberspace.<P>I hate this land called limbo, I have been in it for a year now and it looks like I am not going to get to leave it anytime soon. At least I have great company. LOL<P>You know to bad there isn't a pill to give our spouses taht would take way their confuse and let them think straight for a while. If they could just do that for about 48 hours. I think they would realize what they want then they would come to their sense finally.<P>I understand that tired feeling. NO amount of sleep will take it away. It is an emotional tiredness, I wish I knew how to get rid of it.<P>I know I haven't been any help. Just wanted to let you know I was here. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} Is there a symbol for holding a hand across cyberspace???<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

DeWayne,<P>You sound emotionally exhausted. I get that way at times.<P>Your W sounds so confused. If she really wanted out, she would have went when she first got the apartment. If she would only make the right decision. <P>Are you making her leave or is it her decision? I assume it's her decision or I would think she'd have been gone 3 months ago.<P>You hang in there. You're so much stronger than you think!<P>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Hi Heartpain -<P>How ya doin' stranger? It's been a while!!!!!<P>I hear you about the tired feeling.....boy, do I!!!!!<P>I am glad to see that she hasn't moved out and that you have had this time together.....do you think it has improved the "friendship" between the two of you? Answer that without thoughts about "but she still....."!!!!<P>The money aspect.....well, I don't know what to tell you. How would you feel if you had put over $100,000.00 into your marriage, house, etc. and then been left six months later with overdue bills, behind mortgage, a crappy car, a house that needs work and no good income coming in while your spouse is out in LALAland with a new truck, motorcycle, vacations, new expensive clothes and not blinking an eye about it!!!<P>That's what I have.....fun, huh?<P>She's at least showing some signs of her brain being able to rationalize the consequences of her moving out..that's a good thing!!! She's not completely brain dead like mine is (most of the time - he does get flashes occassionally!! LOL!!)<P>I know it stinks and that none of this is fair to you (or me!) and I also realize that we just want them to make a damn decision!!!! Fog doesn't let that happen though......I HATE FOG!!!!!<P>Be her lighthouse DeWayne......through your love, patience, kindness and friendship - show her the way home!! You can't move her feet faster - but you can remain steadfast as her safe harbor.<P>Hopefully she keeps your "light" in her sights and comes towards it.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

<B>Diana -</B> OK, the OM is now on her team at work. A two-person team(actually, three if you count her boss). She has told him(I believe since she didn't tell me) that she doesn't want any more personal phone calls between them when she's at home. There's nothing to be done about the contact at work as it is now necessary.<P>I know what you mean about limbo. I will be celebrating(not really) one year on April 10th. There are really times when she does appear to be thinking clearly. She makes it plain that she does love me a great deal, but cannot compromise what she wants to do.<P>Don't worry, you have helped a lot. With good friends, distance doesn't matter. <P>BTW, it's now 2:10pm and it doesn't look like she's going to make it out today. We are going for lunch as soon as she gets out of the shower.<P>The only cure for emotional tiredness is the elimination of the cause. Until we can get to that point, we just have to make do....<P><BR>Lots of hugs back at 'ya.....<P><B>Mitzi -</B> The moving out is all her idea. She feels that she has lost herself somehow and needs to be alone to find all of that. She didn't tell me until recently, but she had actually made up her mind that moving out was inevitable last summer. We wasted time and money in joint counselling because it didn't matter what happened there, she wanted to move out for a while anyway.<P><B>Sheba - </B> It has been a while my Warrior Princess. I've missed your wisdom, not only in response to me but to many others.<P>To answer your question, I think things <I>have</I> improved between us in several ways. I don't think Susan really recognizes that at a conscious level. It's been weeks since we had a real argument. She claims that, after our discussion a couple of Sundays ago, she now understands a little more about how I truly feel about all of this, so that's some progress.<P>I know, I know, on the money aspect, I am in heaven compared to most of the people here, but in some ways, it's all relative, you know? I can *****, but in the end, I survive and go on to other things. I just didn't want to have to move right now. Hopefully, I won't, but we'll see.<P>I hate fog, too, but there's nothing to be done except wait for it to lift. Life is fair to most people most of the time. We just tend to notice the negative. And, admittedly, some people get more than their share of difficulty, but it's balanced by others being on "easy street", so from the 50000 foot view, life really is fair.<P>I wish I could do something to help you since you are always there for me. I love the "lighthouse" analogy and will try to live that way. I may not guide her back, but I will learn how to be there for others.<P><BR>--DeWayne--