Keystone,<P>I know you said you just wanted to lurk but I'm gonna ask anyway!! <P>So how'd the weekend go any updates??<P>Mine was very strange. H is still distancing himself. I don't remember how the subject came up but he sort of asked me how I made out at the Dr and when I told him I had an appt. with the ENT Friday he dropped the subject like it was on fire! So much for that conversation. <P>I kept very busy with all the prep work for todays painting this weekend. Did all the caulking, spackling and sanding and am ready to start as soon as I post this. This will at least keep my mind off of all the problems here. <P>I'll check back later on my break! <P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Thanks for the interest.<P>First, re:you. Sorry you guys didn't make any headway re:your health. Do you think he'll open up if all checks out? It seems like the health issue is a major hurdle.<P>How did your D's fare this weekend with your H distancing himself?<P>My weekend went so-so. Actually, it sucked! My D had ballgames on Sunday (all day), so the plans for a sitter went away. W wanted to go out as a family anyway, not just us. Saturday both kids had games and commitements, too. <P>I didn't sya anything re:separation, although it crossed my mind enough. On Saturday, we saw many of W's "friends" at kids games. Like all the other times, W's eyes light up and off she goes to join them. It's like she is getting released from prison!<P>The little things -- sitting with the others, body language away from me, hugging and kidding with her "other sex friends" while NEVER as much as brushing against me, even something as silly as going to the snack stand and getting stuff for all her friends -- but ignoring me -- it's getting to me. I'VE HAD IT!!!!!!! <P>I don't know if she wants this marriage to work. All indications are NO. The only thing standing in the way right now is the kids. I just don't know what to do, but I do know I'm not happy. <P>Oh, and the ring never came up. Obviously it no longer means anything to her. Why does she even bother to still wear the wedding bands?!<P>I've got a kinda busy day. I'll try to check in later.<P>--keystone

Hey keystone,<P>I'm on my first break here. Got 2 ceilings done already!! Hey do you know how to get piant off your eye ball(yes I have a speck of it on one)?? LOL Ceilings are the pits!! I was going to say my weekend s*cked too but I was trying to be a good girl today! LOL<P>As far as H and my health issue, I don't know how hes going to react when I finally have to tell him that something has to be done. According to my primary Dr., the cyst will either have to be drained or removed(most likely removed) due to the fact it is causing problems with my thyroid. <P>The last time I had surgery he was useless. My D had just turned 11 and I had her cooking dinner, doing wash and cleaning because he didn't know how or couldn't be bothered is more like it. <P>As far as my D's with him this weekend, well being he worked most of the weekend they didn't see to much of him. We were all around the computer at one point because my uncle sent me some photos from Hawaii of my cousins wedding and D#2 hit my arm(the one I was using for the mouse) accidently and he flew off the handle with her and D#1 just walked away. This is the standard H always yelling about something! <P>Last night H & D#1 were watching wrestling together(only because D#1 had to do her ironing) and she was very snippy with him. I don't know how he is going to break that barrier she has put up with him. <P>I can understand fully why you have had it! Sometimes I think the same way. I caught H on the computer last night(when he came home from work) with a small piece of paper in his hand as soon as I came near the room he put it back in his pocket. I have a feeling its another female from works email but I can't say for sure. If its not then why the need to hide it.<P>Like you said your W seems so happy to be around the other friends and thats the feeling I'm getting about now. He's never happy when hes here with me and the girls. <P>Sorry to hear she hasn't mentioned the ring, but you have to look at one thing, at least shes still wearing the band! I haven't had mine on in almost 2 years now(even though I'm the one working on this marriage, then again H never wears his because of his job. Take that as something positive. Some how some way you two have to open up a line of communication(ha! Look whos talking! Right!). <P>I have had some thoughts this weekend about my old HS friend and I don't like the way I'm feeling right about now. The more H pulls away the more I think of him. Its taking everything in me not to email him(other than the jokes I send to him,H and others). <P>I guess keeping myself busy with the painting is good for that reason alone. <P>Ok now this is getting long and I have work to do so I'm off! I'll check back when I take another break.<P>Keep smiling it will make your day brighter!<P>falsely accused<BR>

FA --<P>You'd have a lot more than two ceilings done if you'd just stop splattering your eyes!<P>LOL!<P>Seriously thoug, it must be good to have a distraction, and yet a sense of accomplishment. The paint always takes a little longer when your careful, but it lasts so much longer, and looks so much better.<P>Re: the cyst. How'd you think about talking to your H, one-on-one, about how you need his help. Tell him he needs to be strong for you and for your D's. Perhaps he can help do some little things. It will mean so much to you, to your D's. Sure, they can help, too. They may even be able to teach your H an thing or two. It may even make him proud (if he lets them...) But, tell him that, above all, YOU NEED HIM. <P>Perhaps it will jar something in between the ears!<P>Re; his anger. I, too, seem to "pop". The tension and stress does it. I tend to take things the "wrong way", or jump to conclusions. But, it's so easy to do given the circumstances. Perhaps your H reacted to the "bump" due to similar circumstances. Not an excuse, but my reality. It's something I really have to be more conscious of.<P>Anyway, I gotta go. I'll check back later. I want to hear that you've made some headway in the painting arena... and not just ceilings!<P>Chin Up!<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>LOL! Ya know I finally had to use my D's allergy eye drops to get that paint out, it was really bugging the eyes. <P>I made headway today, got ceilings done in the kitchen, living room, dining room & hallway plus the dining room is done and all back together(moving the china cabinet was a pain!), and the living room is 3/4 done(same with the entertainment center!). Now mind you I have all stained molding so everything has to be taped so it takes a little longer! LOL I'll get there. Only......lets see 7 rooms left!! LOL<P>So how's that for progress???<P>I will say at this point I welcome the distraction. It was weird when I came on to post to you earlier my old HS friend was on and I just ignored him!! I guess I did good today! <P>D#1 came home from school and yelled at me for the music being so loud, then she told me there was a cop next door!! I think she did it so I would turn it down! LOL <P>Anyway, I just finished up for the day and I basically told H when he came home that I needed his help moving the hutch and entertainment center back, and he did at least do that for me, of course with my help. <P>As far as telling him I need his help when and if this cyst has to come out, I don't know how he will take to that. Sometimes I feel like I can't ask him because he gets too stressed when he has to do things around here. He hates to do anything that has to do with the house(repairs) or housework. Thats why I do all the outside stuff and inside stuff. My mom at one point yelled at him because I was 8 1/2 months pregnant at the time and outside mowing the lawn. This is the way its always been. Probably one of the reasons for the resentment I hold. <P>I think your right about the anger and that is probably why he does it. I know he's frustrated that he can't seem to make headway with the girls but I have told him before that it took all these years to get that way its going to take at least that long to repair it. Similar to the way I feel about our marriage. <P>He was on the computer and came out and said I could go on that he was done and he asked what was wrong with me and I told him I was getting stiff from doing the ceilings. He said he would rub my back tonight, we'll see about that one. He said that last night too and it didn't happen, he just turned his back on me. <P>I hope you have a better week at home. Now I think I'll see if I can get that back rub!!<P>Keep smiling it does wonders!<P>falsely accused<BR> <P>

FA --<P>Sounds like progress... Little steps, but progress nonetheless. Congratulations.<P>By the way, I was wondering if you hire out as a painter. I've just got a few rooms...LOL!<P>Hope you get the back rub you were promised.<P>I'll try to stay positive, and use you guys as my role model. Don't let me down!<P>I'll check back in the am, PST.<P>Chin up!<P>--keystone

Good morning keystone,<P>I have a question for you. Why does everything always have to lead to sex with you guys(meaning guys in general)? <BR> <BR>All I wanted was a simple back rub, a nice way for him to make a deposit in my love bank. Well, to say the least I was not in the mood for what he had planned. <P>Oh well, off to do more painting for me to get over this anger that is building up inside.<P>By the way your the 3rd person to ask me if I would do some painting for them and they all say "only a few rooms"!!! LOL If it keeps me busy and out of trouble, hey why not! <P>falsely accused<P>

FA --<P>I'd take a back rub. I'd take a hug. I'd take a kiss. I'd take hold hands. I'd take looking into my eyes when my W talks to me. I'd take a smile -- one that means something and isn't merely polite.<P>Sex ain't bad either, but I can't tell you when the last time my W and I had that.<P>I guess I'd be content with less lofty goals. Even they aren't being met.<P>Oh well...<P>Don't categorize all men, the same as you'd wish that we not categorize all women. Even if you are all the same (LOL!).<P>How's the painting going. I'm going to pick some colors for those "few rooms". I just need to know how much time before I actually have to commit to a color so it's all there in time for you!<P>Just kiddin'<P>Despite the humor, my day sucks. I'm getting close to giving notice at my job. Making it more complex is that I helped build this company, yet know I'm getting frozen out. All that time -- down the tubes.<P>Kinda like my marriage, I guess. Perhaps, in hindsight, had I applied more time to the marriage and less to the job, the thing that really matters most would still be there. Right know, the future looks pretty empty since I sense I will lose both.<P>Maybe I could start a house painting business?!<P>Humor kills!!<P>--keystone<P>

Hey keystone,<P>Humor kills! At least I'm laughing! <P>Smiling is good it just makes you feel better! As D#1 says it takes more muscles to smile than frown so wear that happy face and you won't get wrinkles!! LOL<P>The painting stinks today. I feel like I'm not getting much accomplished because its a lot of hand painting and doors and moldings to cover. But the living room is complete and all cleaned and back together, now I'm doing the hall(or should I say will be once I'm done with my break). <P>Anytime your ready for me to paint just send me the plane ticket out there and I'll paint. Well, maybe, once I get out there I might just take off to see my relatives in Calif. or hop a flight to Hawaii to see the other relatives! I'll tell you it stinks that all my family lives so far away.<P>Sorry about caterogizing all men, but you know its true! LOL Well maybe not! But it is with my H and a lot of others I know. I guess I was just not in the mood for that last night and it really left a sour note with me. <P>That surely stinks about the job, but you are right to assume that maybe if you didn't spend so much time there in the past that your relationship might not be the way it is today. I know it would have made a huge difference here. <P>House painting business?? I don't know about that one. Let me tell you the older I get the harder it gets, those old bones and muscles just don't work like they use to! LOL And to think I haven't even hit 40 yet(the 39th is coming up in a week and a half and thats scarey enough for me!)<P>I will say I don't feel appreciated for the things I do around here. I wonder if your W feels the same?! I couldn't believe that H didn't even say to me that the painting was looking good. And to think in between all the painting I did all my wash, cooked dinner and drove kids to religion classes and helped with homework. Where was H during all this?? Either at work(he usually stays late because he knows D#2 has religion class) or on the computer!!<P>So much for that. At least the girls said it was looking good and I know I can see the difference. <P>Break time is over! Gotta go paint some more before the girls come in. <P>Keep smiling!<P>falsely accused<P>

Hi Faulse,<P>Not to jump on your post but I just wanted to let you know that when I started Grad school I had a cyst in my neck that was causing problems with my throid. I had it removed. It was on out patient operation. <P>The cyst actually burst while they were trying to remove it. For the most part it was nothing to worry about. Infact the doctor was nice enough to hid the scars from the stiches in my neck creases. <P>I did loose a great deal of blood. They placed a tube in my neck for dranange and the doctor took it out a couple of days later. For the most part I could get around fine. I was nashuas for some time. I could not ride in a car without throwing up.<P>Mom did take care of me. Can you Mom come and drive you to the Hospital and then home? I also was sleeping a great deal of the time for two days. Again I think it was because I lost some blood. But the blood loss was because my cyst burst. (they were playing with it)<P>If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at onni54@hotmail.com

Pahakissa1,<P>Thanks for the info. I'll hang onto that email if you don't mind. I might have more questions for you after my appt with the ENT on Friday. <P>I do worry a little about a scar being I have a very long thin neck and everything is pretty visible on it. I'm also worried about being put under. The last time I had a very bad reaction to it and was very sick for days afterwards. <P>Hopefully my mom will be around to help me out if not I do have my dear friend around the corner whos home during the day. That is if my H decides hes not able to handle this. <P>Thanks again!<P>falsely accused

FA--<P>Sorry to not get back to you. It's been a really crazy day at the office.<P>Hopefully, the house painting is proceeding, and your H has noticed the time and effort. Again, the offer still stands: We've got some rooms that need painting...! LLLLLLLLOL!<P>On a more serious note, good luck with the doc tomorrow. I hope that the news in encouraging. Keep a positive thought. The guy upstairs throws these challenges at us. We don't always know why at the time, but we come to learn it eventually. I guess it's part of the grand plan. (Who knew?!) <P>Say a prayer, and keep your chin up! Always! !<P>Update when you return if you feel like talking. <P>--keystone

Oops --<P>Today's been so busy, I forgot that tomorrow is THURSDAY, not FRIDAY.<P>Forget everything I said... <P>Just kiddin'!<P>Really, though. Keep painting, and keep thinking positive. And, you know what? If there's a scar, so be it. It'll add some character, right! Kind of like the "grows hair on your chest" line they always give to us guys!<P>Anway, I'll try to check back tonite, or if not, in the morning.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Busy day around here yesterday for me. Plus for some reason I had a lot of trouble accessing the site yesterday. <P>I kind of took a day of rest(if you can call it that) from painting. I went to pick up my referrals and films for the Dr appt. on Friday and had a bunch of other errands to run. I got home and was reading the report which I guess was a bad idea, because it also said there was another spot (very small)right next to the cyst but it is undetermined as to what it is. I was a little upset about that, but I decided I'm not going to worry about it I will wait and see what the Dr says. <P>H hasn't said anything to me about the painting or Dr for that fact! What else is new! H was off Mon & Tues nights this week and he spent most of his time on the computer. <P>There is still a lot of tension here. I guess with the resentment I have built up and whatever he is going through is the cause for all this. I just can't seem to get past the resentment when I still feel so unappreciated. <P>I was a little frustrated last night so when he left for work I decided to start painting the kitchen. Thats a hard thing to do when you have kids coming in and out for drinks and snacks, but I had to keep busy. So its on to finishing the kitchen today and hopefully getting the playroom done too. <P>Funny story here! Not only do I have to deal with a hyperactive D(#1), I also have to deal with a hyper cocker spaniel. He was so excited to see D#2 come home on Tues. that he jumped right into the paint pan with his one paw. It wasn't funny at the time being I had little paw prints all over the rug but the more I cleaned it up the more I laughed! My rugs are 13 years old so I hope this may give me that final reason to get new ones!<P>I won't disreguard what you said about the post even if it was the wrong day! I need all the positive thoughts I can right now. Thanks! <P>Smile and have a good day!<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Great story about the dog and the paint! Maybe I'll think twice before letting you paint our house. If our bird gets into the paint can...!!!!<P>Sorry to hear that your H doesn't acknowledge anything. Again, maybe it's his way of dealing withthe fear of it all. Doesn't make it right, but maybe it's just his way.<P>Re: the "spot". Again, think positive. The stress and tension can't be healthy. If the spot is anything to worry about, you've got to find some way to relieve the stress since it'll likely be critical to your recovery. Either way, the stress ain't great!<P>Whatever comes from your ENT doc tomorrow, get your answers in plain English. If you don't understand something, ask him/her to clarify. If you don't get a good sense that he/she's being honest, seek a second opinion. <P>I forgot to ask... Do your D's know about the cyst? About the "spot"?<P>Anyway... Good luck finishing the kitchen today. Try to keep the animals (including the kids) out of the paint. <P>I'll check back later when things calm down over hear in La-La land.<P>--keystone

Hey keystone!<P>La-La Land! LOL Lunch break time here on the East Coast. <P>The kitchen is done!! I just have to put the stuff back where it belongs! <P>Glad you liked my dog story, he's being really good today probably because the sun finally came out in these parts in the East. Thats reason enough to smile! Even though its only 50*!!<P>Re :the D's, yes they know about the cyst, only because I wasn't home in time from one of the Dr appts when D#1 came home from school. They are both worried and scared. I'm not letting them know that I am a little nervous about it all. Just keeping real positive around them. <P>This is one reason I don't like to discuss this matter with H around them because of his negativity. If that shows through to them then I'll have a lot more to deal with. <P>H came home last night from work and I had everything cleaned up and was working on a math problem for D#2 and he just walked out of the kitchen and came online. Half the time I don't know why I wait up for him. <P>How's things on the home front? Still stressful or are they calming a bit?Something has to give soon for you. <P>Well back to work for me. Remember to smile today its important!<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Yeah, you may not want to be to specific with the kids since they, too, already have so much tension in their lives right now. Good thing you have your mother and friend. Use them if you need to!<P>I still canoot believe he's just walking through without even as much as a comment about the paint! Amazing! Do you think he realizes it -- that he's totally ignoring his surroundings? Again, is it time for a counselor?<P>Things at my home... Let's see. My W has sounded like she's trying to be more upbeat lately. She just called to see how my day was going. That was nice. I have been real down lately. Things at home and work both going poorly, some health problems of some employees of mine, etc. Plus, my uncertaintly over what I'm going to do about asking for a separation. Maybe she is sensing it, and trying to be more upbeat. Some days I just wish she'd breakdown and cry, tell me that she DOES want our marriage to work, and is willing to make the effort.<P>Small wish, huh?<P>I'd take just a look back into my eyes with a meaningful acknowledgement that we have a long way to go, but is willing to make the journey.<P>How about this... I'd just take a look into my eyes and a smile.<P>Okay... a smile.<P>Now that I've got that out of my system, I promise to stay positive.<P>Watch the wet paint!!!!!!<P>--keystone<BR>

keystone,<P>Ok, now this is a good thing. SHE called YOU!!!!! Smile! <P>Now heres the trick, when you go home tonight you have to make sure you go home with that smile on your face and tell her how much it meant to you that she called you today. Maybe even an afternoon email to her letting her know that your thinking of her and that her call made your day a more positive one.<P>Try it, hey you never know!! <P>As far as my H totally ignoring his surroundings, I think thats the only way he knows how to cope. I know your right about him needing counseling, but I can only suggest it to him, which I have. I can't make him go. <P>Hey! I'm watching the paint! I have more on my hands than the walls!! LOL On to the next room for me!<P>Stay positive!<P>falsely accused<BR>

FA --<P>Thanks for the encouraging words.<P>Tonight I may ask my W if she is committed to rebuilding. I've been trying to coming up with a way to do it, not appear threatening or controlling, and therefore not LB. I've got to wait for the moment.<P>Problem is, I'm not sure if I'm trully ready for her response if she says "no, she's not committed". It'll be an interesting night. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.<P>I'll be online late since I'm going to be out in the field for most of the morning. Good luck with the doc. I hope your H lends you some emotional support since I can imagine it won't be a very restful night. Please let me know what the doc says.<P>Think positive! Chin Up! Find some humor!<P>And, if all else fails, just go back, pick up a paint brush, and finish off another room!<P>Seriously, prayers and thoughts are with you.<P>--keystone

Hey keystone,<P>Well, how'd the night go?? I hope you two were able to sit down peacefully and talk. <P>Thanks for your prayers! No humor here today, not even a smile! Well at least the sun is still shining. I happened to be checking my computer this morning like I do every morning before I log on and I can't believe what I found. <P>H was on the computer most of the night last night(another night off this week) while I painted and he did some searches for porn sites(hardcore porn) and he was in a couple of them. I'm really beginning to feel he has a major problem. I don't know what to make of all this. I don't want to confront him because it will turn into a major LB. Now I am even more turned off. I really don't even want him to touch me now. <P>He got up when my alarm went off at 4:30 this morning and got dressed and out the door he went quickly. Without so much as a good luck today or anything. So much for support.<P>On another note. I slept good last night surprisingly. I was actually fine all morning until I got in the car and started driving down the street. The nerves started up and the legs started shaking so bad that I almost couldn't drive.<P>I made it to the Dr office and its back to calling the cyst a mass until further testing is done. He said he doesn't want me to worry myself too much about it, so I'm going to try not to. I have to go have a thyroid scan and needle biopsy done. The scan is set up for 4-12(earliest date they had) and the Dr's offices(primary and specialists) are fighting over who has to make arrangements for the needle biopsy, because of my insurance. <P>H did call from work to see how I made out but kept it very short when I told him that more tests are required. <P>So thats the update from here. I hope things went ok for you last night.<P>Positive thoughts!<P>falsely accused <p>[This message has been edited by falsely accused (edited March 24, 2000).]