Hi, I will try to make my long story short. My H wants a D, he filed back in Nov. I am contesting. We go to court for 1st round next month. He had EA (I am positive) with my used to be good friend. Possibly PA, only I have no proof. I do have proof that she is in love with him, so I can only assume he feels the same. He has continued to deny any relationship with this women and so has she. I cannot talk OW anymore since she called the cops on me for harrassment. My H also tried to have me thrown out of the house, but he was unsuccessful and he dropped the charges. My H still lives here, only he has moved out to the living room. I have tried plan A and I am still trying. We basically do not talk to each other at all. When I tried in the past he would be verbally abusive and accuse me of things. He tells me that he has no love for me and that it is over and I should move on. He is out 5 or 6 nights week, with her I am sure. He never even eats at home, only he hasn't lost any weight at all. We have no children, but his 19 year old daughter lives with us. Is it a good sign or a bad sign that he is still here. He is fixated on this house, but if he left he would not be giving up any claims to it for I live in an equitable distribution state. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everyone keeps telling me to move on with my life. But after reading about other people's problems, I just keep hoping that my H will come out of this fog he is in. The OW has her hook in him awfully deep and I think she is willing to wait for him. If he loses in court, if we do go to trial, then the only way for him to divorce me will be to move to another state. Which can be done since we live very close to the border of anothe state with different laws. Am I supposed to let him go or keep fighting? Is contesting a divorce considered LB? On the outside I am much better lately, but inside i am falling apart.

Hi Nancy,<BR>I am a Nancy too. Parts of your story sound very familiar. Some I haven't had the pleasure LOL, of expierencing. But in my case the OW and my stbx successfully had me thrown in jail for telephone harassment. Spent the night there and the next day found out I lost custody of my children and was thrown out of the house. I got them back 44 days later. But now he is fighting for them again.<P>Good luck to you...I don't know what I think about him still living there. Maybe someone told him if he left that his chances of fighting for the house would be slimmer.<P>I love the move on thing...I have heard that from my H too. I guess to the betrayers.....moving on with your life must involve a "new" relationship.<P>My stbx is keeping his OW under wraps. No one has seen her or heard him talking to her at work. Boy....once the D is final, he will be with her. He thinks he has everyone fooled. But some people are....sad, really sad that some people are so dumb.<P>Nancy

I'm not sure where you all live but I have been told that adultery is illegal and can be sued for. I'm not sure of the laws in different states but you could look into it. I have been seriously considering the option of suing the OW. I think if more betrayed spouses took that route maybe lovers would stay out of relationships with married people. If you can't tell I have been feeling very bitter about my H's affair.

Vett,<BR>I saw that movie on TV where the wife sued the OW and actually won. She claimes she took her H affection and that they had a good marriage before she put her claws into him.<P>I live in IN. They could care less about adultery. In fact...I heard he could bring the other woman to court and practically be screwing her on the bench and not get in trouble.....it is not a crime.<P>You just can't prove that your marriage was great before all of this. So sueing the OW would be really hard.<P>We need to go back less than 100 years when it was illegal to have an affair. We need morals and values back into the courts and peoples life.<P>Nancy

nancy12,<P>Don't leave the house (home)...<P>Do continue with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... as best as you can...<P>Maybe to protect yourself...<BR>...have a micro-tape recorder in your pocket...( a risky venture...)<P>...abuse of the level your H is heaping on you should/ought not be tolerated...<BR>...and recording his "discussions" with you will either make him flee (a good and bad thing... my W left me... )<BR>...or will tone down his abusiveness...<BR>...to give your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> a chance...<P>There are risks here...<BR>...my W left me and my kids...<BR>...that is a loss!...<BR>But then again at the time I wan't doing a very good <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... I only found MB one month after she left.<P>He may come out of the fog...<BR>...but when that might be is never clear... or even guarenteed!<P>Is it a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A> to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or contest the divorce?... That is another tought one...<BR>Some will say yes... others no...<BR>I lean toward no... since your showing your resolve to build the marriage... some WS have argued this though.<P>Ask for help...<BR>Don't fall apart... (especially not in front of your H!)<P> <P>Jim

Thanks for the advice. I did already buy a tape recorder so that I could tape the OW voice mail messages to my H. Usually he would answer his cell phone (except when I called-caller ID on it) when she called him. However I did get to tape a few "Hi Sweetie, just called to say I love you" messages that she left him. But then he changed his number since I was calling him too much. (I just wanted to check his messages and he thought I wanted to talk to him) I would discover the new number but he caught on and changed his security code. He also bought a tape recorder and taped me. He tried to get me to admit that I was doing things I wasn't doing. However it was awfully strange that he used no vulgar language on that tape. I actually found the tape and switched it with a blank one. He hasn't said anything about it to me and now the tape recorder is gone from its hiding place. I think it is better now (for my sanity) that we aren't talking unless absolutely neccesary. He is just not very pleasant to me at all. He looks the same on the outside, but on the inside he is a completely different person. I was thinking that if he did leave, then he would have no reason not to live with the OW. Maybe staying home allows him not to get completely tied down to her, even though I feel that he is. Or maybe it is that he doesn't want to look bad. No one in his family believes anything I say, so it's not worth my time anymore to talk to them. I'm so close now to going to court. I've been saying all along that he has no grounds for a divorce. I think I will feel better if I do win that fight, even though that is no guarantee of keeping him either.

Hi Nancy, <P>I sure wish I lived in a state where you can contest a divorce. I live in that lovely no-fault state out west. I can't see how it would be LBing to contest it. Would it not show that you still have hope for your marriage to work out? Last year my h filed for divorce and I felt so helpless. We ended up stopping it, but he moved out again and I live in fear of that knock on the door. <P>As far as proof if needed, there was a post not too long ago on here about spying tips. Maybe you can search for it. If your H uses the computer you can put a keylog program on the computer and it records every keystroke. If he is still living with you then I would think that there should be some hope. Plus it should be easy to gather info if needed. <P>Good Luck, <P>Pam