My wife and I are well into recovery after her lengthy affair and her admitting it 2 years ago. Much has been slowly admitted after many fabrications, some aspects still not comfortable to divulge. This is a seperate problem that will probably be solved with our ongoing councilling.<P>We do have a conflict over her solitary satisfying herself without coming to me when she has "sexual tensions". She tells me it's none of my business if she chooses to satisfy herself instead of choosing me as a partner for sex.<P>A couple of books I've read on Affairs (suggested on the forum) basically says that when a partner masterbates when their partner is willing and available, it's a form of mental or emotional infidelity.<P>I've not seen this problem posed before, although I may have missed it in searching the archives and would appreciate others views.

LooksGood,<P>Gotta agree with you. It sure adds insult to injury, and can be a real self-esteem killer.<P>Don't dwell, don't dwell...<P>------------------<BR>But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.<BR>Galatians 5:22-23

<small>[ February 27, 2005, 09:04 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Thank you for your posts. Your sentiments are in keeping with those I've expressed. Unfortunately discussion of this one of many "thorns" has brought out a lot of hostility. Statement of "It's my body and I'll do what I want" coupled with low sexual needs and an obvious attitude of "don't touch, I'll let you know when you can make" make re-establishing a satisfactory love life difficult.<P>Are sexual hang-ups in betraying wives common and is it more from their affair or a carry over (as claimed by my wife) from the "trauma" of not getting her needs met in marriage before she left to persue her addiction to fantasy?<P>I feel a considerable portion of her problem can be traced to her sexual practices with th OM, his behavior (both judiciously avoided as a subject of discussion) and the guilt of her betrayal and abandonment.<P>As a newby to the board I look forward to hearing from those more experienced and knowledgeable.<P>After 2 years post-discovery and a long road of indecision, lies to cover more lies I think the good life is starting to be seen. My other problem and perhaps one for a future thread - WHEN IS THE TRUTH REALLY GIVEN AND HOW IS IT RECOGNIZED AFTER YEARS OF DECEPTION?