Thank God your sister-in-law cares enough about you to help you get the help you needed in time! I agree with everyone else--the pain is soooo overwhelming at times that, yes, taking the easy way out sounds pretty darn good. But, as it's been said over and over again, "Suicide is a PERMANENT solution to a TEMPORARY problem." Hang in there, like the rest of us are doing, and it DOES get better with time. I never thought I'd make it this far (it's been 5 months now since I found out and confronted H), but I'm glad I did. My husband and I are beginning to get closer than we've been in years. I love him dearly, and I believe he loves me just as much, and to think I would have taken this opportunity away from us...! You've been through hell, it's true, but you can get professional help (I did) to get through this. Your kids, on the other hand, have no choices like we do as adults. PLEASE make a phone call for help whenever you feel so overwhelmed again...do it for all of you. AND remember that you always can "talk" with everyone here. If you'd like, I'll give you my telephone number. Just e-mail me at: <P> saundrajean@yahoo.com <P>Sometimes all it takes is for someone who cares to listen. I care, and I will listen.<P>Sandra<P>------------------<BR>Wounds within take longer to heal....

Thanks for coming back "Dead Inside";<P>Yep that's a tough one, we women are so vullnerable when we are pregnant. You have every right to feel hurt, angry, and betrayed. However your husband is there and wanting to work things out. Go for it. Read all the stuff on this site, get the books, work with him. Get professional help if it seems right.<P>Take care, keep strong, and take walks when things seem too much to deal with.

Dead inside,<P>I am at the same point as you. I can't offer any advice...except I know exactly how you feel. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

This is the same post as I sent to Keri butit applies all the same so please read!!<P>I have been lurking here for the past little while and this (and Keri's) posts are what have finally made me come out and join all of you.<P>Don't do this. I had a family member committ suicide over the loss of his relationship and other factors and it was probably one of the worst experiences I have ever encountered and has left a mark on myself and my family that there is no way to remove. Unless have you have been a victim of suicide it is hard to see the end result. I pray for you not to do this as things CAN get better. See someone NOW! Talk to a freind, a relative anyone who will convince you not to do this!<P>If you give this more time, and get the help you need you WILL get better!<P>I hope this helps as I would hate to think of others having to go through the things that I did. They just aren't worth it.<P>In my prayers and thoughts...<P>William<P>

Dear DI: You could not have come to a better place in all the world. The people on this forum are the most loving and generous of heart than anywhere in the world. We all share a common bond regardless whether we are the betrayed or the betrayer. We all know how you feel because we, too, have felt as you are feeling right now. We, too, have felt the depths of depair and heartbreak. But, many of us have emerged from this nightmare with a new understanding, a closer and more profound relationship with God, a more pure and honest new beginning with our spouses. Those of us who have not survived the marriage have survived life and even emerged victorious, and still lurk and post here because of the comfort, understanding, guidance and comraderie we give each other.<BR>This is a warm place to come for love, acceptance and to heal yourself. Divine guidance brought you here. It brought me here when I was in my worst pain and confusion. You are fated to get well, learn to dismiss any negative and destructive thoughts and to reapir your marriage. You are here to learn to forgive, to vent, to be angry, sad, to share jokes with us (we have a lot of fun, too) and to know that SOMEONE is ALWAYS posting on this forum-no matter what time, no matter what day. And the best part is that we KNOW what you ar going through, because we have been there. Complete acceptance.<P>I found that sharing my story helped me heal. The people on this forum reached out to me and helped me heal. Let them help you. And post your story as an exercise in releasing the demons for yourself and begin the healing process as well as helping us know you better so we can help you. God bless, comfort, guide and protect you, DI.<P>Catnip =^^=

I have to tell you all again thank you for your words of concern. This is definitely the darkest part of my life. It just feels like the pain of it will crush me literally to the ground. It is really scary to be so close to contemplating something so drastic and selfish. I know my children would be scarred for life. I know how selfish that would be. And I love them more than anything. That just shows how much I hurt that I would consider something to end my pain that would destroy them too. I know I don't want that.<P> When I talked to the psychologist he said that I have already experienced a kind of death - the death of my life before. And that person and that life are forever transformed. He said I needed to talk to someone about the violent urges I have and it has helped to do it here and get your responses. I was crying as I read through each of your posts. I never knew such emotional agony was possible. I just don't know what to do with it.<P> I have not been able to eat, sleep, function at all. I know it is crazy but I close myself in the closet because somehow that is the only place I feel safe. The fluctuations in my mood are making me crazy. For a while I start to think maybe there is hope for our family and then it just hits me all over again like a brick in my face. <P> It has been three weeks since he told me and I don't know how long, if ever, it will be before I feel like a whole person again. <P> Let me just say also how truly sorry I am to all of you who have felt and are feeling the way I do. It grieves me to think that someone else is suffering like this because it is beyond belief. <P>My story is in the Just Found Out section under the same title if anyone is interested. Briefly, my H slept with a woman he met randomly and had sex with her over a period of a couple of weeks. He ended it. I was eight months pregnant with our second child at the time. He told me about it eight months after the fact because he said he felt convicted by God to tell me the truth. We are in counseling. He is here and trying to make it work. We were both very unhappy in our marriage at the time. Nevertheless, the betrayal is devastating as I have always loved him. I feel worthless that he was willing to risk everything just to have sex with a stranger. Anyway, that's my story. <p>[This message has been edited by Dead Inside (edited March 28, 2000).]

Hi again. I just read your last posting, and two things really jumped out at me...HE ended it and HE came forward and told you. No, it doesn't make it hurt any less, BUT you are already two steps ahead of some of us right from the beginning! I had to FIND OUT, and I had to TELL him that I wanted him to tell her it was over. Don't you see, I doubt he would have ended it and I certainly doubt he would have told you about it if he doesn't still love you! My husband and I were going through a really bad time in our marriage at the time of the EA, just like you two, and I know he was VERY vulnerable then...unfortunately, so did "she." Yes, HE made the choice to throw our vows to the wind, but HE also made the choice to stay with me and seek counselling to salvage our love. Count your blessings, not just your heartaches and perhaps you, too, will begin to see the sunshine in your life again...SOON. <P>------------------<BR>Wounds within take longer to heal....

Hi Dead Inside,<P>I admit I didn't want to read your post. I didn't want to go back to where you are. Ever. I have been there, as most of us have, and it is the most painful thing in our lives. But, did you notice I said 'back'.<P>I have moved forward. I somehow got through each day, and survived.<P>I also have 2 small children, 2 beautiful girls, and they are the one's that have got me through this unholy mess.<P>I can relate sooooo well to your going into the closet. I used to go into the shower, sit on the floor, and cry and cry and cry. I used to think that I could not possibly have that much liquid in me!!!!!!! I cried that much.<P>This is what I used to do. I used to get up, slowly, depressed, sad, teary, not at all looking for anything bright or nice about the day, and then one day, I just sat and looked at my children. I thought, they deserve a better mummy than what I am being at the moment. From that moment, every single day, I planned one thing. Just the one. But, it gave me something to look forward to, each and every day. It has also given me a lot of beautiful memories that I will cherish for the rest of my days. Things like simply going to their favourite park (I don't think much of it, but they love it for some reason!!!) MacDonalds for an icecream and a play on the equipment, swimming in our little local beach (manmade, in the middle of the city) or other things that are equally as simple.<P>My point is this - planning something to do with my children <BR>1/ gave me something to look forward to, ie, their happy smiling faces, and<BR>2/ the 'doing' of the activities stopped me from doing anything silly. <P>I basically wore myself out, doing things with my children. <P>Dead Inside,<BR>the pain does lessen with time. You will personally experience a growth within you, and you will learn so much. About yourself, about your H, your children, your friends and your family. And I have the notion that any learning is good learning.!!!!!<P>There is nothing that will take away that 'kicked in the guts' feeling, or the fact that you have been kicked by the person who is supposed to love you the most. However, we all get through this, somehow, in our own ways, and quite a few people have posted that they are now more in love than ever. Their relationship changed for the better. I hope that's what happens for you.<P>It is very positive that your H admitted what had happened, and ended it. So many many stories here are the complete opposite. Mine included.<P>Please please don't do anything to hurt you. Just look at those little faces. They can't do without their Mummy.<P>You will survive, you will be stronger and better for all of this. You will have a deeper understanding of yourself, and that is wonderful.<P>I'm thinking of you, and praying for you.<BR>Please keep posting here, we'll need to know that you are OK. We worry you know.<P>Jo