<BR>Well, my H was served with his divorce papers yesterday. The process server tried to serve him all weekend and finally caught up with him yesterday. <P>In the words of the process server, he was "not a happy camper!" He was very angry.<P>I have mixed emotions about it. In a way I'm glad he was served because it means when we have the hearing he will have to start supporting his kids. But I'm also a little sad about it. It means the end is closer. And I'm a little scared. I don't know what he'll do. He's out of town all week so he'll either calm down or get angrier! I'm not sure which it will be.<P>Closer to divorce...<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi,<P>I know how hard it is to know your H was served. I went through that back around October. It is probably good he will out of town since it will give him time to calm down. He probably didn't expect to get served papers! I don't think they ever expect for you to file. My H has told me how shocked he was that I filed for divorce. Oh well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. <P>Keep your chin up! <P>Tulip

Mitzi,<P> I'll be checking on what the hold up is on the dart board and punching bag and try to hurry them along. Like I told you I do have strong feelings about what you have gone thru so here goes<P><BR> <P>ANYONE WHO WOULD THEIR WIFE OF ONLY TWO MONTHS SHOULD TAKEN OUT AND STRUNG UP. I KNOW IT HURTS, I KNOW YOU HATE TO SEE YOUR MARRIAGE END<P>HE IS THE ONE THAT IS AT FAULT NOT YOU [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img]<P>IF YOU PUT UP WITH THIS FOR 10 YEARS WHAT YOU DO DESERVE IS A PURPLE HEART. YOU HAVE GONE SO FAR BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY IS NOT EVEN FUNNY.<P>THE FACT THAT YOU TRIED FOR OVER 10 YEARS PUTS YOU IN THE SAINT CATEGORY.<P><BR>MITZI, BOTH YOU AND YOUR KIDS DESIRED BETTER. GOOD FOR IT RAKE HIM OVER THE COALS AND THEN DO IT ONE MORE TIME FOR ME.<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img]<BR>DO NOT TRUST HIM. DO NOT BE ALONE WITHOUT SOMEONE ELSE FOR PROTECTION WHEN HE IS NEAR. PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE PROTECT YOURSELF. YOU OWE HIM !!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!<P> [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img] [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/mad.gif[/img]<P>MITZI, YOU HAVE DONE ALL YOU CAN. YOU DESIRE MORE OUT OF LIFE. BE CAREFUL AND DON'T LOOK AT THIS AS THE END.<P>IT IS THE BEGINNING OF A NEW LIFE. A LIFE IN WHICH YOU GET TREATED AS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN SOMEONE ELSES LIFE. MITZI, FIND SOMEONE THAT LOVES YOU, SOMEONE WHO CARES, SOMEONE THAT WILL HELP YOU GET OVER THIS MESS. DON'T SETTLE FOR BEING SECOND BEST. DON'T SETTLE FOR BEING JUST SOME FEMALE THAT TAKES CARE OF THE HOUSE, KIDS AND SEX. YOU DESIRE EVEYTHING THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER.<P> IT WILL BE HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WHO MEETS ALL THESE BUT LIKE I HAVE SAID MANY TIMES IF HE LOVES YOU, YOU CAN TAKE HIM AND MOLD YOU RELATIONSHIP INTO SOMETHING SPECIAL. ALL IT TAKES IS LOVE, A MAN LOVES TO HAVE A WOMAN SO MADLY IN LOVE WITH THEM. IF HE IS SLOWLY TAUGHT HOW TO DO IT. HE'LL DO AND THINK HE IS KING OF THE HILL. MY WIFE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO TEACH ME, I KNOW SEE THE REWARDS AND I WANT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I SE US HITTING NEWER AND NEWER HIGHS AND KNOW MANY MORE ARE TO COME. <P>THERE ARE MEN OUT THERE WHO ARE EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE DREAMED OF. MANY ARE DIAMONDS IN THE RUFF (YES I MEANT RUFF). I NEVER KNEW IT COULD BE THIS GOOD AND I NOW KNOW I NEVER WANT TO LOSE IT.<P>YOU'LL BE IN MY PRAYS<BR>Joe

{{{{{{{{Mitzi}}}}}}}}}<P>My X was angry when he got served the separation papers too.... he felt that I had ended everything by contacting a lawyer. I did it for financial reasons (he was irresponsible that way). Even when I explained my reasons, he was still angry, and I didn't even file for divorce, just legal separation of financial obligations after he "asked" me to move out. <P>It took a little time for him to settle down, but he did. He was really peeved because the papers were origionally mailed to him (the only address they had to mail them to was my PO Box, so I had to "hand deliver" them to him at work), and when he didn't respond to the mailed papers, I had to hire a process server and have him served at work.... He was pi$$ed because they caught up with him at work (couldn't catch him at home).<P>I agree with Joe, you deserve better, your kids deserve better... and don't be alone with him.<P>You are in my thoughts & prayers,<BR>Butterfly<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

I don't have time to respond to each of you right now, I have some errands to run. I talked to my MIL and H isn't out of town. He didn't have to work today. He was at her house, and isn't mad, he's upset. He's hurt that I filed. That's making it even harder for me to deal with the fact that it's over. I'm not coping to well, but I have to buck up and go to town. I'll check in when I get back.<P>Thanks you guys,<BR>Mitzi

Mitzi, i hate to say this, because I know you need our support. BUT, of course he is upset that you ACTUALLY took control of YOUR LIFE, because that means he is losing the control that he always had over you. That is what physical/emotional abuse is about. CONTROL. I don't think there is one person in here would tell you that what you are doing is wrong. You are keeping yourself safe and that is WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT. I know it is hard because you still love him and hope that he will/can change. But until he gets help and not just TALK about it there is no other route to go. You can't save a sinking ship, you can only get off, before you GO DOWN with it. Feel sad, but don't feel regrets, you HAVE NOTHING TO REGRET, he does. HEAD UP HIGH!! We are proud of you, a lot of woman wait until it's to late and pay with their lives!

Mitzi,<P> It scares me to hear you talk about being sad. I know it hurts but don't forget that this a man that hit you when you were 8 months preganent. Look at each of these responses and you'll see that we are not only concern about how you are doing but we are concerned about your physical welfare.<P>Please be careful and don't let your heart win out over your brain. I can't come up with a good enought reason to hit a lady let alone one that is preganent. <P>You need to do something special for yourself. How old are your kids. Put us to work and let's see if we can find you something to do. Visit friends. Get a dog, a beautiful puppy that we always be there for you. My favor are golden retrievers, they have so much love it is unreal.<P>Joe

Mitzi,<BR>Keep your chin up.....he will be hurt and so will you. Just accept the hurt feelings and the pain...don't try to block them off. If you are like me....they will hit you full force.....them you will be ok....then you will regret it.....then you will be sad.....and the vicious circle will begin....now play in the fact that he will call...say nice things....then horrible things....and then you get really confused. <P>Just be strong<BR>Keep your head straight<BR>Tell your heart to shut up (if you have to)<P>Good luck Mitzi...<BR>Nancy<P>

Hey everybody,<P>First I want to say thanks and that I agree with all of your responses.<P>Tulip,<BR>It is hard. Even though he has hurt me alot in the past, I still sometimes feel like I did the wrong thing by filing. But then I talk myself out of that. I know it was the right thing to do.<P>Joe,<BR>I'm really ok. There's no need to worry. I know this is the right thing to do. I know that this is not my fault. It's just one of the many emotions that I feel everyday. It's a sadness in knowing that things should have been different from the beginning. That he shouldn't have been the type of person he is and I shouldn't have let any of it happen. <P>I invested a lot in my marriage. I took my vows seriously but he didn't. I loved him unconditionally. <P>I am ready for a new life. I have a descent job offer. I could be working in a group home for developmentally disabled people. I would make ok money and have benefits. I think I'm gonna do it. I've never worked but I'm gonna do it for me. I think it will change my whole outlook on life. Plus it will get me out of the house and off my butt!! LOL<BR>Thanks for the prayers! <P>Butterfly,<BR>I think that H thinks I filed out of spite. I filed because he hasn't given me any money for 6 weeks. But he doesn't understand that. I just want the whole mess to be over!<P>T24g,<P>Don't hate to say anything at all to me! I agree. It's just a lot harder than some people think it would be. It's hard for some people to understand why a person would stay with an abusive person. It's a slow process because they verbally abuse you and you lose your self-esteem. So, I expect a slow recovery process. Hopefully not too slow though. <P>Nancy,<BR>You understand exactly how the emotional cycle is! I go thru a hundred emotions a day. Freedom, anger, pain, sadness, failure, grief....and I could go on and on. <BR>I'm gonna stay strong and let my head rule. By staying away from him, I am trying to detach emotionally from him. Trying to lose the last little bit of love that I have for him. I hope it works!<P><BR>Thanks everyone,<BR>Mitzi

Hey Mitzi,<P>I'm reeeeeeaaaalllllllly glad that you're doing okay. I will try to email you later on in the week, I've just been so busy lately. (haven't even been to see my counseler - uh oh - better get on that one)<BR>Keep in touch. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}<P>Claire