FA --<P>I almost feel like Chevy Chase -- "Weekend Update"! Oh, boy. I just realized I'm starting to show my age. Chevy Chase didn't do that for the last ten years of SNL!!!! LOL<P>Really, though. How was your weekend? Did the outting with your friend give you some escape?<P>Re: the doc appointment. Keep trying for an earlier appointment. And, don't forget that insurance companies often need a good swift kick to get them into action. One theing to consider is making copies of all of your records. That allows you the freedom the seek 2nd opinions if necessary, without waiting for the insurance company to approve it.<P>Re: Your H and his internet trips. I'm sorry. Usually I'm pretty opinionated (sp?). Here I don't know what to say. Did you consider trying Harley?<P>Re: the accuswer being guilty of an affair. It's hard to say if that applies to all. I feel in my case, I had proof. My W denies it. Says I'm misunderstanding a friendship for something moe. Although, she did admit that he filled the emotional needs that I failed to fill. <P>It's also interesting to note that I am know starting to look at other women differently. I was married before. Now, I'm almost wasting away. I'm not going out of my way to seek companionship, but I sense that my mind is drifting that way. I really have to talk to my W. <P>Have you seen "American Beauty"? Lot's of misunderstandings and misinterprets in that plot. Pretty much a downer if you ask me!<BR>Well made, just a downer!<P>Re: Asking my W what she wants, and possibly pushing toward separating -- nothing happened this weekend. The situation didn't allow for a quiet talk with just the two of us. We went to dinner and a movie. First time in a while without the kids.<P>When it got close to a moment where I could talk to her, she got edgy. Ticked at the waiter, dissing some things (surprisingly, not me). It was almost like she knew I wanted to talk, so she put up this angry, edgy front so I wouldn't talk to her about anything meaningful.<P>We don't even walk alongside each other anymore. More like one in front of the other. I'm tall, so I have a long stride. I was always the one who was accused of walking too fast. Now, it's like she wants to leave me in her dust!<P>I'm still not sure what she wants or doesn't want. She runs so hot and cold -- almost always cold. Something WILL have to happen soon. I want to be considerate, respectful, and non-threatening in my talk with her -- and not LB. My test is coming.<P>How's the painting coming?<P>--keystone

Hey keystone,<P>Hey lets not talk age this week! LOL Remember I said I have the 39th birthday coming at the end of this week! Yuk!<P>I almost didn't go Sat. night because I had a massive headache. I took some meds the Dr had given me and went anyway. Boy, did it feel good to get out and the headache felt better just being out. I had a really good time and being it was a Chinese Auction I won a months worth of private music lessons. D#1 was really happy with that because I've been promising her keyboard lessons as soon as I could afford them. Now she has at least 1 month. <P>I did make copies of all the medical records and everything. I've learned from experience with that. I'll be calling the Dr office tomorrow to see whats up with the appts. <P>Well I checked the computer the other day after H being home alone Sat. night(the girls went ice skating, while I was out, I guess he doesn't get the hint they don't want to be here with him)and I didn't find any more searches or that he had been in any of those sites. I felt better about that. Although I don't know how much he actually knows about computers and where to look if he needed to delete files. I still think he has a montoring device on the other computer. I know the one I'm on now doesn't because it doesn't have enough memory to use for that. I have found some files that make me really suspisous(sp?) on the other computer(I have found winguardian once before). I guess he still has no trust in me, even after I told him everything and that I haven't been in touch with the old HS friend in a while now. I have thought about contacting Harley but the expense is what stops me. I'm still thinking about it though. <P>I agree with you that because you had proof you had the right to question your W. My H had NO proof because there was none, so everyone had said to me that he was accusing me because he must feel guilty. Maybe they were right. Thats about the time he started taking care of himself a little more and shaved his mustache off and all. Now that he thinks things are going better(which I can't believe he thinks this way), hes back to the same old ways he was before. <P>I can see your need to be "looking". I think we all get to that point after some time of being ignored in our relationships, especially when things aren't getting any better. I think a lot of the reason I turned to my friend was because of these reasons(he complimented me and talked to me which my H doesn't). I really think you need to talk to your W if thats how you are feeling and see if she wants to continue living like this. Its such a hard decision to make. <P>Glad to hear that you at least got out together this weekend. Maybe she acted that way because she didn't want to spoil the evening by talking about those issues. I probably would have been the same way. <P>No I haven't seen American Beauty yet. I guess that was a bad choice for a movie for the two of you! <P>I also find in our situation that we don't walk together or even talk when we are in the car together. We went to a store yesterday and left the girls home. Same thing, I was walking in front of him. If we have the girls with us its usually me and the girls and him behind. <P>As far as the painting. Well, I finished the playroom Sat before I left and didn't paint yesterday. I started D#2's room today and have that half done and she just walked in and loves the color! Good choice on my part! D#1's room will be tomorrow, hopefully!<P>Well now that they are both home and D#2 has religion classes in a few I must go. <P>Have a good day. At least I'm smiling again!<P>falsely accused

FA --<P>Good to see some smiles have returned.<P>It's wierd sometimes. I may see something one way, and my W the other. The event is the same, but the perception is different.<P>That's what it's all about. I may think I'm improving in "filling her needs". She may think I'm treading water, or even slipping backwards.<P>Communication is the key. I guess we stopped communicating -- really listening to each other -- a while ago. Now, it's all superficial. <P>I find that I get defensive easily. I'm sick of being attacked at evey opportunity. She doesn't try to avoid LB's. After all, she refused to finish Harley's book or even fill out an EN questionaire. It just makes me retreat further as to not fan the flames any more.<P>In the end, it's probably the wrong way to go. Instead of opening up communication, we're running away from each other. Or, obsessing and checking the MB website since I'm looking for any positive feedback and suggestions. <P>Now, if I could only apply a constructive approach to my marriage now that I understand all this... LOL. If it was only that easy. What am I doing? Who knows!<P>It just really hurts to think that 15+ years of my life may very well disappear. Between<BR>marriage and dating, I've known my W for more than half my life. Yet, it's almost as if it all never happened. I know God has a plan. I don't know or understand it, but there HAS to be a reason. <P>On a brighter note: Glad to hear you won the lessons for your D. She'll love it. Sorry to hear that your H doesn't get that the kids want to stay away. Kids can be really cool, and it's too bad he cannot see that. They may even help him open up again.<P>I'm off. I'll check in tomorrow. Keep the smiles going. And, keep the animals out of the paint!<P>--keystone

FA --<P>I'm back online this morning.<P>I forgot to wish you (way in advance) a Happy Birthday. My W turned forty last summer. I guess there's a bit of a MLC going on there, too, which I'm certain has also had an effect on the marriage.<P>Don't you do that, too! So what's another year older? Another year wiser? LOL!!!!<P>I could be going to New England on business on short notice. I didn't want to overlook the big day!!<P>Have a good day today, and I'll try to connect with you later.<P>--keystone

keystone,<P>Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I read your post late last night after I was done painting(got done at 11pm) but couldn't post because my D was sleeping in where the computer I use is. I woke her just turning on the computer and to type would have really kept her awake. LOL<P>Then this morning I took a break and went out to breakfast with my girlfriend. Now I'm back to painting. <P>No matter how much we have learned here its hard to do this one sided. I think in my case yes my H is trying to be as nice as possible right now, but the resentment I have built up over the years has taken its toll on this relationship. I see it now and feel bad, but I don't know how to stop thinking about the way it has been for the 18 years we have been married. <P>He can be as nice as he wants but is still not doing the things I need him to do. I will not answer him if he askes is there anything I can do. He knows what needs to be done and if he can't see it then thats his problem. This is the type of thing I'm talking about. I can not be here to hold his hand each step of the way. Hes a grown man and needs to stand on his own two feet. <P>He told D#1 to get up and get him something the other night and she said "you have two feet don't you?" Well all I could do was sit back and laugh to myself. He is dependent on everyone to do everything for him when it comes to being in this house. I know for one I'm tired of waiting on him when he does nothing around here and I work my butt off.<P>I think the whole situation with H working so much after the kids came along really set the pattern for this marriage. Its hard to make a marriage work when the one partner is never around. <P>I have to agree with you that communication is the key. We no longer have that in our relationship. That was the one thing I was most proud of in the beginning that we could both talk to each other about anything and everything. Now we barely speak two full sentences to each other. I have no clue as to his schedule and am tired of sitting around waiting for him to show up. <P>Sorry this turned into a vent but I guess as I painted and cleaned up last night and he just sat on the computer, I must have gotten a little upset and not even realized it until I started typing. He did ask me if I needed him to help paint but I was at a point that he could not help because there was not enough space in the room for two people to move around. He could have helped cleanup but because he didn't get up to help I didn't ask. Ah! Communication thing again! <P>LOL! I don't think this birthday or the next will effect me too much. Turning 35 seemed to hit me harder than any of them, so I guess if I made it through that then this should be a piece of cake. Besides my girls keep me young! I guess not looking my age also helps. My D's friends can't believe it when they find out my true age! <P>Thanks for the advanced birthday wishes. I really hate my birthday not for the age factor but the day I was born on. I'm a fool! LOL Being I was always teased about the day I was born just makes me hate it all the more.<P>Well, if you wind up in New England have a safe trip. At least it will give you some time alone and you can hopefully relax a little. <P>falsely accused<P>

Let me share this little bit of info with you. Precious few people ever learn about this nifty little program that is deeply hidden in Windows. I assume you run windows. But once you know about it, you'll never forget.<P>Go to "Start" then "Run". when the window opens, typein "msconfig" (no quotation marks). It will open a new window. Go to the "Startup" tab and click that. Wow huh? There is a list of every single program that is set to start up when the computer boots. Stuff that might not even show in the close program dialog box is right there. Now, see if you can locate any guardian, snooper or spy programs and just uncheck the box. When done, click Okay and reboot the system.<P>These little spy programs like to run in the background and hide themselves by using little names that don't mean anything. This is how you can disable them if you think you are being spied upon.<P>

SpandauBallet,<P>Thanks, actually I know about that one. We had a virus a couple of months ago and I had to into there. We also don't have any hidden files anymore they are all open because when we had the virus it was hidden and I had to go in and unhide them to find it. I just wasn't sure of some of the programs in there and the names. When I have more time after I'm done painting I'll have to look further into it. Thanks again!<P>falsely accused