I guess I knew this was going to happen, my son woke up crying(actually trying not to cry) saying his throat hurt and he couldn't swallow and his head also hurt. So I will be taking another vacation day to take care of my kids while their "loving" mother is away on vacation.<P><BR>My daughter got up for school, but says her head hurts so I imagine I will have to go pick her up at school sometime today too.<P>I'm just so angry at my x right now. I want to go see my lawyer about obtaining custody and increasing the child support. Since she won't do anything personally, I might as well get more money out of her.<P>Even getting full custody wouldn't change anything as she would still get her visitation rights. I guess the licker would be that if she ever files for custody that she would probably get it because she is the mother. ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>I'm also tempted to call om's mother and yell at her and tell her to contact my x that her children are sick. I feel very vindictive already today!!!!!! <P>I'll probably just end up calling my minister friend or my counsleor though.

RWD,<P>Its OK to be mad at your X. Just be careful not to take it out on the kids. My kids are 5 & 3, and when their mother was "gone" my daughter got chicken pox and two major ear infections at the same time. I called their mother and she didn't seem to care. To involved in herself I guess. Anyway, my point is that after 4 days of little sleep and 24 hr days with a sick child and and a very needy sibling, my temper started to really get short. I was mad at their mom but I guess I started to take it out on the kids. You know what brought me back to level ground? It was when my 5yo climbed up on my lap and said thank you for taking such good care of them when their mommy wouldn't. That moment will always be burned into my mind, regardless of how this custody thing works out. Your kids love you. know that, be proud of it, know that this is what you were meant to do. Forget about your wife's selfishness. You are giving her way to much power over you friend.<P>Just some food for thought <P>Brent

Brent is right...<P>The children... above all else need your care and time and love more than anything else.<P>It is what the FS-women with children on the forum also say... and they are soooo right.<P>The ones who will suffer the greatest through all of these affairs will always be the children... and the courts don't see that... <P>I was talking to one of my co-workers who, when she was a teen, had her parents divorce because of an affair (her father had)... It devasted her... and 7 years later... after being force into a step-family situation(living with ther dad and his OW and OW's kids)... her father again left for another affair... and again divorced! Then what were the step children to do... divorce their step-siblings....<BR>She hasn't seen or talked to her dad for 15 years!<P>It is horrible...<BR>Why can't the courts go back to the days when the FS... got the custody/child support/etc. to protect the children???????<P>I feel bad for you...<BR>...do love your kids!!! I know you will. <P>Jim

Brent, Jim<P>You are both right about her being the sorry one. I'm starting to see it already. Neither of the kids even asked for their mother last nite or today.<P>A couple weeks ago I took d and her friends to a movie and her to call her mother first for a ride home. I got the call and when I picked her up I asked if she had called her mother and she said no, that she only had one quarter. So she already knows who she can count on. <P>I guess I just wish they could/would express it sometimes. It sure gets emotionally draining to have all this responsiblity, that plus my d's 3 basketball games which have all gone down to the wire(a loss in overtime and a win with 4 secs to go last nite!)<P>My d is really playing well the last 3 games for a first time player on a tournament team, and to think her mother is missing all of them.<P><BR>Is it too late to call in a nuclear strike on the Carribbean ? It has to be a large strike since I don't know where x & om is down there !<P>Thanks!<P>God Bless

I am on my way to court myself but wanted to pop in and check on my friends.<P>I understand how you feel. According to my lawyer, its not as uncommon as it used to be for men to obtain even sole custody. But sole custody as far as I know, compared to joint really doesn't have a major effect on visitation. <P>Keep a log of everything and if you feel you are the primary caretaker, then by all means, fight for your rights. Its the children who need to be protected here.<P>I think you are doing a great job and try to realize what you're doing is tough, going thru an affair, taking care of sick kids, getting on with life. Its hard.<P>When my H left (on xmas) I had 3 sick kids who for 23 days had fluid coming out of any area it could. I did 6 loads of laundry a day, took care of them, didn't eat, and cried all night. A month later I was almost dead from exhaustion. But I did it.<P>Somehow you will find the strength you need to get thru this. I know we all are here to support you and am sending prayers and hugs today.<P>Gotta run, todays my big day <P>Dana<BR>

Bob, <BR>I understand....<BR>My x was to have the kids this past weekend and they didn't want to go...seems that after 9 months of him only taking them whenever he wanted to and then when he did, him leaving them alone all day long has finally caught up with him. I am staying out of it, my kids are 16 and almost 14 now, they can tell their Dad whether they want to see him or not. Just make sure you don't bad mouth her around them..sounds like they are already figuring it all out for themselves!<P>------------------<BR>Susan

Lets talk about legality:<BR>You have the kids and the primary caregiver. Document everything you do, what she does and doesnt do. Every day, do it as a journal.<P>This is setting a precedent, she took off (abandonment) and is paying something. Keep it for when you need it and talk to a lawyer. The longer it goes on the stronger your case is. Courts will look at it, moms off and about and your being the responsible one.<P>Take care<P>J

Every time I read about what the children of those who post here are suffering I feel like crying. <P>But it sounds to me like you guys are doing a terrific job and I just want to remind you<BR>that every bit of time and effort you put into helping your children recover will be<BR>well worth it.<P>My daughters suffered tremendously when my marriage to their father ended. Their father is an alcoholic--we separated when it became apparent that it was no longer safe for the 4 of us to live with him and he eventually divorced me.<P>Before I met my second husband, I spent two years being available to them 24 hours a day.<BR>I enrolled them in a private Christian school, then went to work there as an aide so we could be together. When my husband and I married, he went to work at the same school as a teacher. When my youngest daughter admitted during a class session that she thought it was her fault that her father left...my husband was there to assure her that it wasn't.<P>I could go on and on about how important it is to give your children every bit of time and attention you possibly can and what the results will be when you do. But suffice it to say that it is one thing you will never regret. <P>It was very hard to hang in there and care for my daughters while their father took a vacation. It was also very hard on my husband after we married, but we are the ones who are benefitting now.<P>All three of my daughters and their husbands are living successful lives. My oldest will receive her bachelors in biblical counseling this year. Her husband will receive a masters in education at the same time...he is also a respected leader in our community. My youngest is working towards a degree in criminology and plans to become a parole officer for teenagers. Both she and her husband have worked with troubled teenagers.<BR>My oldest grandson turned 12 last week and has already been recommended for a college scholarship. He has been knicknamed The Judge at school because of his strong stand regarding Christianity and moral issues. <P>What I'm saying is this: it takes a lot work and it isn't always easy or fun. It can also be a very lonely job. But children can recover dispite what your spouse's choices are. It depends on the choices you make. Remember that when you feel angry and discouraged. Okay? <P>By the way..what I learned while caring for my daughters as a single mom was put to work again to help my husband overcome his addiction to pornography. I had to give up quite a bit to be there for him almost 24 hours a day. My youngest daughter had to remind me again on Sunday that it's worth it and not to give up... "Mom, it's worth it and I know the Lord will reward you." So who can argue with that?<P>CJ <BR> <BR><P>------------------<BR>Psalm 42

My son has strep throat and the Dr put him on some anti-biotics. I was going to get a babysitter so I could go to my d's game but then my son threw up(into the commode this time! ) so I decided to stay home with him.<P>I have decided against letting his mother know as I basically want to do it to ruin her vacation. I was debating whether to leave a message on her answering machine so that she would find it when she got back or to call om's mother and give her the message and also tell her what I think of her for her support of my x throught out all this.<P>I told a friend about this and he asked if I had decided to forget about the forgiveness part. It also gives her too much power over me. So I have decided not to let her know. If the kids tell her when she gets back then that will be up to them.<P>There is no other way of telling her as she did not tell anyone that I know of where she is except his mother who probably bought the trip. I guess I'll tell her I sent smoke signals!!! <P>