Haven't posted in awhile, but I have been reading almost daily what everyone is going through and trying to see the similarities.<P>Here is my update and questions:<P>In a nutshell, my H has had internet affairs and still talks to W on the internet, however not as much lately.<P>Have had some theoretical conversations with him concerning adultery and polygamy, and how it pertains to "my precious bible". Somehow, he feels that he is justified meeting other women because there were many holy men in the bible that had numerous wives. But when you get right down to the scriptures, these wives were virgins before marriage - all others were considered prostitutes, even if they were divorced. Obviously these women that he is meeting with are not virgins, and most of them I presume are probably divorced. Don't even get me started on the 2nd wife issue, but his reasons for a second wife are like having a live in nanny with perks, and also, if something happened to the two of us, our children would be taken care of by the second wife (even though we both have close relatives, but they live far away).<P>Then a medical issue happened last week. I have now been diagnosed with herpes. Additionally, I had blood tests done last week for all std's. Still waiting on the results. Initially, my H apologized profusely and honestly. We both poured over all the information available on the internet. I got over my initial sorrow and carried on, within a days time. Next day he is distant. Turns out he thinks I had an affair and got the herpes myself since he has never displayed any symptoms. That idea is just plain crazy! I have been a virtual prisoner in my house raising our two children for the last 6 years. My 4 year old does not start kindergarten till next year and is a permanent fixture at my side. She does not attend pre-school, I teach her myself (I homeschooled my oldest also until this year).<P>He has a doctors appointment on monday for his own std tests, including herpes 1 and 2.<P>Last saturday evening was a "huge step back" discussion with him basically telling me that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I told him that maybe he should get an apartment then. I think he wanted me to leave - which isn't going to happen. He made the mistake, he should move out. I really think he wanted to provoke me into yelling and actually kicking him out, thus providing him the go ahead or incentive to proceed with his sexual adventures. I didn't bite.<P>Next day, I pretend that nothing happened and at bedtime started rubbing his back. He asked why I was paying attention to him after last night, and I said that as long as he was here with me, I would continue to honor our marriage and love him. He waited till I fell asleep and left the house for 2 hours. Next morning I saw a bunch of used tissues in his car. <P>Since then he has been nice and affectionate, but somewhat emotionally distant. We have not had sex (my sore is just about cleared up), and he has not seen any women for the last 3 weeks, but still talks to them on the web, and talks to this one W who lives in the area. I've made a point to do things together with him and without the kids every weekend (another sore point for him - he says my church takes up all my weekends and I don't spend time with him - he doesn't attend church and I have a hard time believing that he believes in God right now).<P>So - am I doing the right thing by keeping things status quo? <P>I have been SO attentive to him this last month, leaving no room for faults. I am literary his slave - clean house, clean yard, clean pool, supper made every evening, back rubs every night, happy kids. I've lost 25 pounds and am looking the best I have in years. He says this will not last, but I am beyond determined.<P>I know this is long, but I just had to write it down, so to speak. I know it doesn't sound this way, but my H really is a kind, intelligent and wonderful person. One day he says he is committed to our marriage, the next day he's distant. I also know that deep down inside, he loves me more than love itself - I know this! I just can't snap him out of this "suicidal" behavior. He won't go to counseling either. He says he is beyond fixing.

Hello toots-007,<P>I'm sorry to hear about the diagnosis of herpes. It really adds a problem to the other issues you are facing.<P>I was diagnosed in October, and have really been struggling with it. I am on medication now, but am not happy with the side effects and am probably going to try to deal with it naturally for a while.<P>My husband was also tested, and all his tests were negative. We went to the doctor together, and he explained how my husband could have infected me without becoming infected himself. In other words, he "transferred" the virus from the other woman to me.<P>When my husband confronted the other woman, she denied that she had herpes. It is possible to be infected and have no symptoms, so my husband asked her to be tested. She called him and told him that her tests were negative and then she told him that I had obviously been cheating on him.<P>This really turned out to be the best thing that could have happened because he got very angry with her and basically told her that I was not the kind of person who would ever cheat, unlike her. He also demanded to actually see her test results and she told him she would send them to him, but of course she didn't. I doubt that she ever even had the test done, she probably knew all along.<P>Anyway, you seem to be dealing with the herpes much better than I am. I hope that continues. It sounds to me like you are following Dr. Harley's advice very well. I pray that you will see the positive results you hope for.<P>Best wishes,<P>Peppermint

peppermint:<BR>I remember reading your post awhile back about herpes. I even asked my doctor if it could be transferred from one woman to another in a short period of time, and she said no. I really think that this is an issue that needs to be explored. I haven't read anything about transmittal from one person to another without the "louse" getting infected himself, but it sure makes sense to me.<P>Got another question - do you get yeast infections often? I never used to get them, until the last 6 months. I get them every month before my period. I intend to ask my GYN about it next month when I see her, but have not found any info on the web. I hope it's not another std issue........

Hi again,<P>In reading about herpes, have you read about the need to be very careful about spreading the virus to other parts of your body, especially your eyes? If you touch the lesions or if the virus is active even without lesions you can spread it any place there is an opening in the skin. Our doctor told us that the virus has a life of less than one hour, but can be transmitted to another person in this way. There is a herpes site on the internet that describes many other ways the virus could possibly be spread, but all require contact with the virus. You don't get it through blood transfusions, etc. Also, some people seem to have a natural immunity to the infection. And the virus is easily killed with soap and water.<P>I have never had a yeast infection or any other kind of infection before this. I actually thought that perhaps this was a yeast infection when I first began having symptoms. I had absolutely no idea it could be an STD.<P>I have seen other posts on this site where women told of never having yeast infections until their husbands were unfaithful and then having a regular problem with them.<P>I hope this helps.<P>Peppermint<p>[This message has been edited by peppermint (edited March 29, 2000).]

Thanks peppermint. I know about the contagious nature of the disease and how easily it can spread to the eyes. Have taken precautions. I also spoke to a counselor on the ASHA website, and contacted the CDC with questions. They were very helpful with some of the questions I had that were not listed on the informational websites. I guess the more you know, the better.<BR>