Brief history. Married 16 yrs., 1 7 daughter.<BR>H had ea lasted approx. 2 mths. Discussed seperation, which I never wanted and told him so. Took additional 2 wks before he ended relationship. <BR>I discovered this site about 1 mth after d-day.Describe our situation to a tee.Like being hit on the head. Yes in response to discovery, I made some LB's to which he was<BR>decidely not receptive to. Very emotionally<BR>withdrawn from me. <BR>I decided to Plan A.Very, very hard when<BR>I'm doing all the work. Sound familiar?<BR>H not trying to meet any of my needs while I<BR>try to meet all his.Both of us completed en<BR>questionaire.<BR>Started counseling.Which I thought was a postive, but usually left me feeling worse after each session.H doesnt find any fault<BR>with his actions.<BR>Continued Plan Aing and remarkably things were being to improve.Enjoying each other's<BR>company, talking, showing affection (mostly on my part), but did seem to improve.<BR>BUT - last night I come home from work, and H<BR>has had a haircut. Guess what OW does for a living?In counseling session let H and counselor know month and a half ago, I was <BR>worried relationship would start back up.And wanted/needed reassurance that H was committed to working on us.So H was aware of<BR>my feelings here.<BR>Any way, back to last night, calmly (while swallowing hard with knife twisting in my gut), where he had hair cut. You know where.<BR>I said nothing. He volunteered OW wasn't there. I asked if he wanted to go w/ daughter and I to drop her off at dance. And he and I<BR>run couple of errands. Said no. Cried my eyes<BR>out in dance studio parking lot.Hurts so bad,<BR>trying like crazy and , would like just once,<BR>have MY feelings taken into consideration.<BR>When I returned home, H brought subject up.<BR>Asked if I was mad. Responded no, just hurt.<BR>H tells me he lied, OW was at shop (duh).Said<BR>he "needed" to prove something to himself.That he could go anywhere he wanted,<BR>and he wanted to see if he had any feelings<BR>for her any more.Says it's good thing for us,<BR>because he doesn't.This statement does not make me feel better. Just re enforces my feelings mean nil.<BR>Tired of being hurt, tired of trying, tired<BR>of feeling like a kicked dog who comes back<BR>to master and licks his hand. tired of feeling like all my effort are for not.<BR>I suspect she'll start calling again.I think<BR>his actions just let her know he's still interested. <BR>At this point, I don't know if their relationship will (has) resumed.And actually<BR>don't even know if I care any more.Emotionally drained.<BR>Was really hoping we would work things out.And thought we were making progress,seemed to be any way.Small steps.<BR>I am just at a loss of what to do.More Plan A? Throw in towel? Any advice appreciated.<P>

Darla,I am so sorry for the pain you are in.I have no advice only to continue Plan A.Hang in there. My prayers to you.beth

Darla:<BR>I can understand where you're coming from. I too am in a similar situation with my H having an affair with a W he met on the internet.<BR>I'm glad you both went to counseling (my H won't go). And be glad that things have slowly gotten better, even though it has mostly been one sided. You must be patient! I have found for every 2 steps forward, there is one step back. Be calm and continue doing everything you can with plan A. However, I would become aware of all of your H's activities - keep your eyes and ears open, but try not to appear snoopy. Maybe he actually is trying to prove to himself that he can see her without becomming involved (maybe I'm naive, but men are another animal entirely in their thinking habits!)<BR>Did he have sexual relations with her? If so, then you really need to adhere to plan a and be on guard.<BR>I've been doing everything myself for the last month, feeling totally like a slave to my H, with some positive effects. But after so many years (we've been together about 16 years also), he feels like his actions are justified also. MAKES NO SENSE!<P>Anyway, I hope this helps. You're not alone. Just try to be patient and as active as you can!

Thanks for the prayers, bethn.<P>Toots-007 - Yep, I'm doing the two step dance every day it seems. <BR>H says there was no sex.I don't know if I believe this or not.But I can tell you, he is<BR>(was)very infatuated (in love?) with this person and had developed quite a bond.I almost wish it had been a one night stand.<BR>I was aware there was someone else without him disclosing this. I just didn't know who.<BR>Became quite the detective, almost obessive<BR>about it.Really believe I will discover soon<BR>enough if relationship resumes.But think it<BR>will be resumed in secret temporialy.Meaning<BR>this time, he'll move out.<BR>I have quit trying to understand men.It's impossible.Would consider becoming a lesbian,<BR>if I could get past having sex with a woman.<BR>Just kidding, but at least I would know how<BR>she thought!<BR>I gonna try to keep trying, but this is so hard.I'm thankful I've found this site, I don't post much, but have found great strength from reading.<P>Thanks for the support to both you and bethn.<BR>Misery loves company, ya know?<BR>Keep you both in my prayers.

oh Darla,<BR>I am in pretty much the same boat as you. Don't you wish we could just sail away and make a new life. Reality hits us and we feel like we are faced with a brick wall. My interpretation in my feeling is like i am stuck under this huge rock and i can't get the strength to pick it up. An I will tell you what....when I get my strength back you can bet i will be throwing that rock like it is a pebble skipping up and down over the water till it finally sinks. I am thinking about you and everyone in here going through this horrible situation. i am so glad to have found some support here. Keep letting us know how things are going. I have been married for 3 1/2 years, no children, but 2 weeks to moving into a brand new house that H and I have built. I feel your pain and emotional drain too. Remember, we are never alone in this. Find some support systems, friends, relatives, co-workers. Everyone im sure is pulling for you and wanting to see you happy again. Best wishes to you and know we all care.<BR>

Darla,<P>I am so sorry for all the pain you are in. I am going to pass on the best advice I received when I was / am going through the same thing you are. Just take a step back and don't do anything until your emotions have calmed down. <P>In every recovery, you have to expect backslides. It's not fun, or easy, but it is worth it. I pray you and your H make it. Just plan A him to death. <P>You will be in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>Viki

To ems wife and viki<P>What I'd like to do is take the stone in <BR>emw wife's reply and stone him to death! Is<BR>that a LB?<P>Thanks for the support I sure do need it.<BR>May all your dreams come true.