Well, my H filed for divorce yesterday. I should have been prepared for this, but it doesn't seem real. <P>The tears just keep coming....

{{{{{{{{{{{{{TB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry to hear about that. I know you tried so hard for this. Has he talked to you yet? How long before things get final? Do you still want to save it? Talk to us. We're here for you.<P>Allen

It is final in 20 days in Idaho!!!<P> <P>He is using last Friday as a reason. He says it is my fault because I made plans to go out with a group of people that included guys. <P>I am so sad!!<P>

TB,<P>I guess we are going thru this at exactly the same time.<P>I filed and my husband was served Sunday. Then yesterday I was served with papers. It's hard. But it does get easier when the initial shock wears off.<P>(((((HUGS)))))<BR>Mitzi

Thanks guys!<P>TB

teddy bear-<P>I'm sorry for your tears and the pain that you are currently going through.<P>As all have said before me, this is a time of chaos and a lot of pain in your life. Self care for "You" now takes on the upmost importance! I wish you strength and the vision to decide where you go from here.<P>In the meantime...a book that you may want to look at that can be part of the "Tools" that can help your "Self-Care" is "The Healing Journey Through Divorce" A book and journal of understanding and renewal. Understanding the cause of your break-up...Tools to help you work through your feelings of loss and anger...ways to devleop new coping and relationship skills...Phil Rich and Lita Linzer Schwartz.<P>The best to you.<P>mrrlk

Thanks for the book suggestion. I will try to pick it up.<P>TB

TB are you positive that he filed. Maybe he was bluffing so that you can take the blame for his behavior. If he really did file, then I believe it is another one of his tricks to try to punish you. Obviously, if he is trying to blame you for Friday then he is feeling that he needs to once again control what you do by doing a "I'll show her". I most likely wants you to beg him for forgiveness (which you have nothing to be sorry about) and beg him not to go through with the divorce, of course if you did that then he will DEFINITELY dictate what you can and can't do from now on. BE STRONG. I will bet you that if you don't do the begging then or try to convince him not to go through with it, that he will call you and somehow bring up the whole thing of Friday night and try to say how this is all your fault. You have been doing a good Plan B without stooping to his level. He is still looking for ways to hurt you, yes he is hurting you, but in the end, he will be the one eating crow, because he will come back with his tail between his legs due to his acting out of anger. He will regret it. JMO

He has FOR SURE filed! He has FOR SURE put down a $600 retainer which he WOULD NOT have done if he wasn't serious. He is very funny about money.<P>I have apologized through e-mail today even though I don't really think I was wrong. He hasn't responded. <P>He is VERY angry with me! He said my "true colors" showed through. He met with a lawyer on Monday and the lawyer is supposed to call me today.<P>This all seems very weird to me as he has done MUCH worse to me while we were together (EA, talking/lying about me to friends family, etc.)<P>It all makes sense in his mind though. <P>I haven't begged him not to go through with the divorce, but I have told him I am willing to work on the marriage. <P>There is no OW to compete with, so I am really not in a true Plan B. I was more in a 180/Last Resort Technique from Divorce Busting. <P>Avoiding contact seemed to work by making sure I couldn't LB. Well, I LBed bigger than ever without even doing anything apparently.<P>Anyway, he thinks I was wrong by confiding in his "friend" if you can call him that even though he confided in our whole neighborhood (especially females).<P>He thinks I was wrong to make plans for a whole bunch of us to go out and to include this friend. <P>Sad thing is the ONLY thing we talk about are new strategies to get our spouses back. I even told him this, but it didn't matter.<P>Divorces only take 20 days to be final in Idaho if they are not contested. I don't even have time to let him cool down. He totally filed out of anger. I can see that for sure!<P>Does anybody have suggestions or advice as to what I should be doing?