well today i lost it with my husband. we had a good night last night and talked quite a bit about our situation and his situation with the OW. He thanked me for being patient and understanding. And you all know how hard that can be to be able to listen to the hurtful stuff and still say you understand the difficulty that your spouse is going through. it hurts for them to not tell you that in return though. He just can't break the tie with her. He says I am his overall big picture in what he wants in life, but yet there are things that he hates about me (and those things he hasn't came out and told me yet) even my counselor said he may not know right now what they are. He said he can't see himself with the OW long term and he has told her that if things don't work out with me that he would never remarry. Of course for now she is fine with that. well, i gave him our nextel bill ($650) and told him that it was his bill he can find a way to pay for it. He shrugged and tried to give it back to me, so i made him actually look at it to which i had highlighted all the calls and pages he made to her. He said they would play pager tag. Oh yea, right! I asked if they fight and he said oh yeah. If he doesn't look at her when he goes into the ER she is pissed. So last night i was reading a topic on what it is really like for him on the other side and they are right....it's not so green. <P>So, back to today. I got the truck today since we only have the one vehicle so i could go to the doctor and get checked for STD's (just in case) and to discuss the medication that he put me on a few weeks ago. Well after my appointment I was going home to change clothes for work and for my counselors appt. at noon. On my way home i picked up a cd from off the floor and what did i find A HAIR BARRETTE!!!! and it isn't mine, neither of us have sisters or any reason for a woman to be even in our truck except for her! Well, i go find my husband at his parents house and just totally lost it with him. called him every name in the book, and even blamed him for the turmoil over having to go to the doctor to get checked for STD's. He calmly looked at me and said he doesn't know whose barrette it is, but that it wasn't hers cause she doesn't wear barrettes. BULL....!! i lost it and i know i love busted there, but i couldn't take him lying to me and me letting it be ok. He is still lying and I don'tknow what to do. I really think I am going to move into our house that is due to be done in a couple of weeks. I would really like to just drive way up north and get away from everybody. I have just lost the strength to carry all the love and respect that is needed for him right now. Today I have lost.

EMS Wife,<P>Boy does this story sound familiar. I remember that feeling of just wanted to get away from everything and everyone. And I did. Last summer after I found out about H's affair (still going on, I think), I packed up me and our son and headed to Florida for a week. No you can't run from your problems, but I will say that week was worth it. It gave me time to collect my thoughts, emotions, and not have things in my face constantly. It really did help me out. No it did not solve anything, but it did help me keep my sanity.<P>You have to do what you feel is best. Right now you need to worry about you. This can be a long road and you need all your strength to get to the finish line. <P>I'll be thinking of you.<BR>Viki

Well I feel a little calmer than the post I wrote this morning, so let me share some thoughts with you.<BR>I have tried not to LB and have succeeded for the most part. But sometimes, you just get so fed up with the lies and the appearance that you are totaly naive.And like a pressure cooker, you pop! <BR>I have done exactly what you did.We human and<BR>although posting (venting) here or to friends<BR>helps - sometimes you just want (need) to direct it to the person who has caused all this pain.I did not just fall off a turnip truck and their lies are so pathetic sometimes you just want to shout "DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID".<BR>Yep, been there, done that. But have also climbed back on the Plan A band wagon and vow<BR>to do better.<BR>Don't beat yourself up.This is so hard.And the fact that WSs don't realize how hard is<BR>pretty tough too.<BR>I'll pull for your ems wife, if you'll pull for me. <BR>

Sometimes it happens. I know I try not to LB, but there are days when it happens despite my best intentions.<P>I hated it when I thought all the lies were out in the open and then I found more. To his credit, H did not deny the new lies. But it still hurt.<P>You may have "lost" today, but that doesn't mean you lost the battle. You are hurting and I am so sorry that you're hurting. Take a deep breath, have lunch or dinner or a cup of coffee with a sympathetic friend and get ready for tomorrow.<P>Good luck to you.