Now don't just lurk! Come on over to the new divorcing/divorcee forum.<P>You too lonelymom! I haven't seen you there yet!!!<P>TB

Terri,<P>I couldn't go by your post...<P>You're almost there...<BR>...completing the long marathon...<P>and like so many who run the Plan A marathon (or Plan B marathon)... you've found out so much more about yourself...<P>You had us running beside you...<BR>Cherring you on...<BR>Feeling your pain...<BR>Marveling at your incredible patience...<P>Almost there...<P> <P>I'm happy for anyone who comes to a conclusion... to this long run...<BR>...and has come out as successful as <B>you</B> have!<P>Your H has lost/is losing the best woman he will ever know...<P>You have gained... and will be an even better woman!<P> <P>Jim

Terri, just a caution...I went through the emptiness and then the ANGER roared in. It's abating a bit now. I know you've had a much different situation than I have, which is worse is totally a matter of personal choices/opinions . Maybe you've handled your anger better than I have. But when some of that Plan A overachievement (and I will always be a fan of Plan A) drops away there may be feelings lurking beneath that you never even realized you stuffed.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Terri, do you think that he uses the computer help as a ploy to see you. Meaning he doesn't want to completely let you go and he doesn't want to give up the OW. So this way he keeps it friendly with the computer as a way of having his cake and eating it too. I commend you for finally telling him that NO you will not come by the shop. I think it is time that he start DOING the work. If he wants to see you, then he WILL be the one doing the traveling. We will all wait to see what happens next. Keep us informed.

Can't take too much time to write... I am spending the majority of today spring cleaning! I am going to box up what I don't want out of the stuff he left here and see about getting it out of my apartment. And I told him he needs to get his own car insurance... I am looking into self-filing legal separation (my state has "no-fault" divorce after 12 months of legal separation as long as it is not contested).<P>So I am continuing forward!<P> <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I can see clearly now,<BR>the rain is gone ...

Terri-<P>We have not "talked" in a while so I was very interested when I saw your post on your "Update".<P>I'm so sorry that with all the effort and time you invested in "Hanging In" and trying to make it work, you have not seen and realized the outcome I think you were hoping for.<P>You know that I have commented to you, many many times about the special and unique way you kept all that strength and energy to "Hang In" there and follow your heart and spirit to make it work. You fought the challenge your way...and I'm sure many times felt the commentary from many about your dedication and will to keep trying. I will tell you again like I have before that no matter what happens, your husband, while he does not know this just yet, is a lucky man! To have you stick in there for so long and try to build the path for your both to find your way back is something some day he will understand and appreciate. So...admiration from one of your "friends" is coming your way because I know that I could never muster half of the effort you have done and more.<P>The freeing feeling you now see about you is probably a welcome change but is not without much of the pain as I know goes along with it.<P>So, please give yourself (I know you will) the self care that you truly deserve. You are an amazing woman and have more strength than I could imagine anyone ever having command of.<P>Do something nice for yourself this weekend...you truly do deserve it!<P>My best to you and remember, you never ever actually left the "Race"...you were just busy trying to make things better...<P>mrrlk<BR>

Terri-<P>More "Food For Thought"<P>Take care...<BR>mrrlk<P>Core Learnings From the Life-Design Workbook<P>You have the power to change your life for the better. It is not necessarily simple and it will not always be easy—it will always be possible. You have the capacity to think clearly—to put your life in perspective—to act on sound values—to live responsibly and well. You are a worthy person with the right and the ability to choose your own course. You can probably have anything you want, but not everything you want. You are not your past, but you are a product of it. Who you are may be your parents' fault, but if you stay that way, it's your own fault. No parents are perfect; most do the best they can; in the process they do some things well and some things poorly. The truth is, many people have shaped you into the person you are today, but you have the opportunity and responsibility of determining the person you will become. If you ever hope to take full responsibility for your life, you must come to an easy acceptance of your past and the way it has shaped you. You are a potent person with a rich set of experiences. You are a survivor. You are a learner. You are unique. No one looks at the world exactly the same way you do. The way you view the world and what's possible is a function of what you've learned and experienced—and the<BR>way you put it all together. In a few important respects, we are all the same.We share the same basic needs. We all have the same amount of time—24 hours a day—to pursue our goals. The way you focus your attention makes all the difference. You energize yourself with good choosing and depress yourself with poor choosing. Awareness is crucial to good choosing, but movement is the key to effective living—knowing which awareness to act on and when to move on. We all change—choosing and changing are inevitable. Not to choose is a choice.Not to change is impossible. The choices you make every day—big ones and little ones—determine the quality of your life today and your possibilities for the future. Work is as natural to human beings as play. You need both all your life. Find the work you can be passionate about. Find the play that enables you to be a good animal—fit and supple. The roles you play are one way you think of your<BR>self-image, but they do not define your essence. We all suffer loss—the only question is how you will deal with it when it comes your way. You can learn and grow from it or you can feel sorry for yourself and diminish yourself. Nietzsche was right on this one: "That which does not kill me, strengthens me." Values do matter—they are at the heart of everything we do. Your values ultimately determine who you are and what you will become. We are all social<BR>creatures—we define ourselves in and through our relationships with others.Energy and inner joy come from focusing your time on people, things, and activities that you care about. You create meaning in your life by living according to your deepest values. Things take time. There are no short-cuts to<BR>most worthwhile goals and no quick fixes to many of our problems. Realistic planning is one of the keys to solving problems and achieving goals. Life is tenuous. The wise course is to pursue your highest priorities now. Happiness comes to those who pursue meaningful goals of their own choosing and assume full responsibility for the journey. Life presents us with many obstacles and opportunities. Sustaining focus and balance in the face of all the demands on your time and energy is an awesome challenge.Potential is not your problem; you have more than enough potential to do what you want. What you need is to get great clarity about what's important and organize your life to pursue those things effectively. Goals are important to purposeful living, but they need not be written in stone. Remember the proverb, no matter how far you've gone down the wrong path, turn back. You will get off course—and that's OK; imitate a modern jetliner—stay focused and make many small course corrections. There's less likelihood of overcorrecting and the ride will be smoother. Acknowledge your ability to block yourself from reaching your goals—then don't do it. Be kind to yourself. You are not alone—others will help you pursue your dreams. You sometimes need to ask them clearly for the help you want. Go for it; dare to live life to the fullest. Everyone experiences some good things and some bad. The challenge for each of us is to put it all in perspective—to be nurtured by the good—to learn from the bad—to let it go—to go ahead. Everything is connected.Keep learning and remember rule #6.What is Rule #6?<P> © 1995 Peggy Vaughan and James Vaughan, Ph.D., Based on the Life-Design<BR> Workbook