One never knows from day to day how things are going to be...today I feel really stressed and the interesting thing is that my H noticed and asked me if something was wrong! That he noticed makes me see that he is beginning to 'feel' my moods again. I told him I did feel weird today but hadn't put my finger on why.<P> The more I think about it though I know why, it is getting harder and harder for me to know that he is still going to work and the OW is there too...it is the trust thing. I don't trust either of them together, they have proven that they can't be trusted. As long as he is there, I will never be at ease and the trust will not return. Without that we cannot have a 'whole' relationship again because if there was one things that I KNEW without a doubt before all this was that I could trust my H without question. I know he has said that he is going to transfer, but I don't know if he has set it in motion yet. I am afraid that he thinks that if I know he is committed then I won't care if he stays there.<P> I need to talk to him about this, but I am afraid that it will upset him...boy old behavior is setting in again. That is exactly why I did not talk to him before, I did not want to upset him. I guess what I need to decide is HOW to talk to him about it.<P>To answer your questions about the book. I would not give him a copy. I told my H that I had gotten it and have shared some things with him that I thought were specific to us, and have 'suggested' that he might read it too if he felt like it. Further into it though it does have you go through and explain to your spouse the principles, ideas etc so when you get to that part you will be condensing the information for him and giving you even more of a chance to include him in the process.<P>I would be careful about doing anything that HE might see as pushing. That is what would set my H off, so I stopped concentrating on what he was doing and started finding my own answers. My H is an intelligent man, he knew what he was doing was wrong and the last thing he wanted was me reminding him. But by doing all this self discovery and sharing it with him, he is seeing for himself that I have/am changing and growing and including him in the process. My efforts in focusing on OUR relationship have been what has opened his eyes again, even if they are only slits at this point, he is seeing my efforts and appreciating them. It seems that he is starting to look at himself closer too.<P>As for resentment, I don't think I have ever resented my H for some strange reason. I have always resented the OW for taking advantage of my H when he was most vulnerable (I am not discounting his responsibility but I do know my husband and know what he was feeling at that moment). That has been the hardest thing, not letting my resentment for her carry over onto him because it would have been easy to take it out on him. I was very frustrated that things seemed to be taking so long and this gets back to the pushing thing again...but when I stopped giving in to the frustration, you know the rest of the story.<P>I am to the point in the book where you identify your partners needs and how to meet them (much like the Harley principles) and I am looking forward to being creative here. I mean come on, I have known this man for 18 years and I know him INTIMATELY so who is better suited to meeting those needs me or someone else? You don't really get to know some one in a few months, that takes years and so I feel I have the advantage here and I can use it as an asset. I figure if I meet his needs he will eventually say 'hey I have a great wife, great kids, life is good so why go anywhere else to find what I have here'. Plus we are the place where he can be himself, he doesn't have to be Mr. Perfect for us, we love him just the way he is ( and we let him KNOW it). <P>I am not prepared yet to put all my eggs in one basket, so if it all blows up in my face I still have my support system in place and have the 'oh well' plan to fall back on. I am not a fatalist, but I have to remain practical. If my H could get himself into this position there is no telling what he could do next and the only thing I can do is remain prepared. <P>I will say that this site has been a lifesaver for me. If the OW had not given my H the book, which I think mentioned the website on the cover, I would probably never have thought to look on the internet. I have found a lot of answers and had a daily dose of inspiration by the things I have read here. It has reminded me to stay the course on days when I thought all I wanted to do was scream at my H and tell him where to go. It is tempting to say 'go away I don't want to deal with you anymore' but if there is anything still there, putting up with it and loving them anyway really has an affect eventually. It is the eventually that is the hardest part! Just keep your eye on the long range goal and be happy with the little successes along the way, because they will add up.<BR>