Hi, <BR>I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place. I'ts been a week since getting rid of all porn bookmarks, no other sources. I feel emabarassed about posting after only a short time, but I feel alot better. Since finding this site I have really changed the way I feel about using porn on the internet. I always felt giulty after going online to view pics because I felt it was wrong as a christian and also now I understand how selfish it was to my wife. All that time spent away from her, trying to meet my needs by myself instead of committing to be a better husband. I used it as an escape, but it only caused more problems. After reading many of the posts here about how devasting even EA's can be I think about how I would feel if she were online doing the same, I would be very hurt. I thank those who posted some very painful letters which touched me. <BR>I still feel the need to view porn sites, but coming here and reading has helped, and I absolutely don't want to continue it. <P>I would appreciate any advice and encouragement b/c I want to as Dr Harley says "only have sexual feelings in the company of my wife" who I love with every inch of my being.<P>thank you in advance for thoughts and prayers.<p>[This message has been edited by reach1 (edited March 31, 2000).]

Hi, reach1:<P>My husband and I had an acquaintance a few years ago with a man that had an addiction to pornography (we didn't know this at the time...we found out all of this when it was too late).<P>The man was a Christian man who was married to a wonderful Christian woman. Together, they had a little girl who was under the age of five.<P>The "walls came tumbling down" when the man was arrested one evening at a college in town because he was "flashing" young women. The man was arrested by a man who also happened to be a deacon in our church (humiliating for everyone involved). To make a long story a little shorter for you, the man had been to online porn sites and had been calling phone sex numbers for quite some time. When this wasn't enough to satisfy him anymore, he started flashing young women (among other things). The man's wife divorced him. The man cannot visit his daughter unless the visits are supervised by the state. His "habit" became so bad, that he was on the brink of becoming a rapist or molestor in order to satisfy the sexual fantasies that pornography had introduced into his heart and mind.<P>I am so glad to hear that you realized what a problem porn can be before it was too late for you and your family.<P>God be with you in your daily battle.<P>My prayer for you today is that you will have pure thoughts and that you will become even more attracted to and more in love with your wife than ever before.<P>Love,<P>Jill

Reach1: I wish you much luck in overcoming your barriers to a happier life.

reach1,<BR>My H looks at porn every extra minute he gets.I support you in your effort to stop this addiction. My prayers are with you.beth

reach1,<P>Ditto to what bethn said to you. My H presently has an addiction to porn. This has gone on for many years and I have recently begun the task of trying to cope and find happiness for me until he wakes up and is ready to deal with it. <P>My fear is that he won't and I will have some very big decisions to make about our future together. Because as long as he remains in this addiction he remains emotionally unconnected with me and in this marriage. Even though He doesn't think this is so. Sadly, it is and I am doing the best I can. <P>I commend you on your honesty and for realizing how damaging this is to a marriage relationship. Keep thinking good thoughts and find the passion and lust you crave with your wife. The two of you will be much happier for it. Good luck to you and my prayers are with you. <p>[This message has been edited by devastated2 (edited March 31, 2000).]

<small>[ February 27, 2005, 08:52 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hi, Jill<P>I thank you very much for your prayers and for sharing this sad event your family experienced.<P>It is helpful to be able to see through someone else the possible cost of my selfishness.<P>You have strengthened me today,<P>happily, <BR>reach1

Hi, Devastated2 and others<P>Thank you I am thinking positve thoughts, and pure feelings. I am sorry that your H has not decided to end his addiciton. It is difficult to admit to yourself that you are out of control, even when you see the consequences of hurt, pain, and resentment in those around you. <P>I am working on those things like listening, and really changing the habits that I have which keep my W libido, confidence, and admiration for me very low. I undestand that denying the reality of your life keeps the addiction growing, I am facing it and I know that with time and work I can have the relationship with my W that I had in the beginging, and hopefully even better.<BR> <BR>I admire your patience and I wish you strength to keep doing all you can to help. Your words have helped me today.<P>[This message has been edited by reach1 (edited April 01, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by reach1 (edited April 01, 2000).]

Congradulations!!!! You've made my day!!!<P>After reading ton's of material and talking to professionals and ministers about addictions to pornography in order to deal with my husband's addiction, I'm convinced that internet pornogrphy is scary stuff and can lead to all kinds of perversions and/or<BR>illigal and dangerous behaviors. <BR> <BR>My research helped convince my husband to overcome his addiction. But, it still took<BR>a year of counseling with our minister to get through withdrawal and to get himself un-brainwashed by internet pornogrphy. Neither of us want to go through that experience again. My husband became a totally different person while using pornogrphy. <P>Some of the things that have helped us, and that might help you avoid the temptation to go to the porn sites are:<BR> <BR>I have the password to the internet. My husband made me promise him that I would never let him know what it is. He doesn't use the internet unless I'm in the room with him.<P>We made a commitment to each other that we would spend all of our liesure time together. That one was very hard for me because it meant giving up my home business, time to work on my photo albums and friendships with family members who don't like our commitment or understand it. But we've gradually found activities that are fun for both of us (my husband brags to his friends that we spend our evenings talking and playing board games) <P>We have also made a commitment to each other to never again spend the night alone without each other A paster who was counseling us for other reasons when I caught him the last time told my husband that he should just not go there (to the porn sites).That's like telling an alcoholic that he should be able to go into a bar and just not take a drink just because he is a Christian. <P>Again, congradulations. I hope this will be helpful. <P>Love and Prayers to you and your wife.<P>CJ<P>P.S. please don't let what I've said discourage you. It took that long for him to get through withdrawal because we were dealing with a long standing addiction. it took us four years just to find the right kind of help. Some of the counseling we recieved up to that point was not helpful. <P>------------------<BR>Psalm 42<P>[This message has been edited by CJB80 (edited April 01, 2000).]<P>[This message has been edited by CJB80 (edited April 01, 2000).]<p>[This message has been edited by CJB80 (edited April 21, 2000).]

Dear reach1,<P>Congratulations on making an important choice in your life! I am writing to help you stay the course... <P>If your use of pornography reached the addictive stage, you can expect to go through a withdrawal period in the short term, and to be vulnerable to temptation in this area for the rest of your life. Please save helpful and encoraging posts on this subject for the times you will need the strength to resist temptation.<P>Pornography is a subtle thief. Because it is so private and 'victimless', people who would immediately reject other forms of sin are lured by its appeal. But even though it may seem harmless, it does its damage on the inside, over time, and often so gradually that you may not even see the changes. It is like a virus that operates in the background, corrupting file after file. By the time you realize the extent of the damage, it is often too late to restore what was lost.<P>Pornography robs your marriage of its specialness, changes the way you view women, and pushes you further and further away from intimacy with God. The world thinks that God is 'hung up on sexual sin.' The truth is, God knows what is best for us far better than we do ourselves. The boundaries He sets are for our protection. It is not that He wants to deny us sexual pleasure, but rather that He wants us to enjoy healthy sex for our whole lives. All forms of sexual sin are destructive in some way, even though we may not see how until after the damage is done.<P>God gave you your mate to excite and satisfy you sexually. She is a real person, with real emotions and limitations. If you restrict your thought life in this area to her alone, you will associate her with sexual pleasure and find her desireable, even as your bodies age.<P>Viewing other women not only destroys the special and exclusive connection between you and your wife, it creates an increasingly strong desire to want 'other than what she has to offer.' No one woman, no matter how wonderful, can compete with the limitless variety available on the internet. If you view porn long enough, you will erode your desire for your wife, and be driven to constantly crave new images for stimulation. Unlike sex with your wife, which can satisfy you as a whole person, masturbation while viewing pornography is a pathetic attempt to squeeze pleasure from a sinful fantasy. <P>Not only will it distance you sexually and emotionally from your mate, it will cause you to shy away from God. Viewing pornography is an act of rebellion. And while He will never leave us, there is nothing in the bible that says that we cannot leave Him. Active use of pornography<BR>will sear your conscience, and, at the very least, make you feel uncomfortable approaching your heavenly Father.<P>There's so much more that could be said. I hope this helps you in those weak moments when sin reaches out to ensnare you. Jesus set you free... <P>Stay that way.<P>Your brother in Christ,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed<BR>

Dear BrokenButNotCrushed,<P>Faithful are the wounds of a friend...<BR>That Proverbs says volumes about your encouragement this morning, Thank you so much brother, I will be saving all these posts and keeping you all up to date on how I am doing. Today is another victory spirtiually and a more strength added to my committment.<P>Reach1<p>[This message has been edited by reach1 (edited April 02, 2000).]