ok, here it is in a nutshell. I'm still numb so I don't think it has all sunk in yet. Last night my wife asked me if we could give it another try. She says she doesn't know what the hell she was doing and can't believe she threw it all away.<P>Its more involved than that, but truefully it was almost surreal so I don't know what to make of it all. My heart says yes but my mind says "are you nuts?". I was all set to move on with my life. The divorce papers were served and the court date was set. I was even looking forward to rejoining the single world for a while. Now this.<P>I'll try to give more details later when I have time to process it all but right now I have no idea what the heck I'm doing. So what's the input from here? after all the s%&^ she has put me through, do I take ANOTHER chance on her?<P>Help................<P>Brent

I would. If she is sincere, you have an excellent chance of rebuilding your marriage and your family.<P>Good luck--<BR>Kathi

brentb, Noone but you can really decide what will be best for you. <P>I think if you can both read and follow the MB principles, that you could have a really great marraige.<P>Remember what brought you to this site to begin with. <P>Remember your vows, and your children. <P>Is it worth another chance....most likely it is. There are no easy roads, no perfect relationships.....no perfect life. <P>I think whatever you do, it has to be done slowly, with a lot of thought and prayer.<P>Do you see a counselor? Will your wife see a counselor with you??? or have some sessions with the Harley's?/ <P>I'm sure you will get some great advise from those in recovery. I am still in the shock state.......(and depression state, and anger state). My H moved out 7 weeks ago, and we have made no progress in the talking, planning or anything area.<P>Sometimes I post in recovery to get replies that will help me realize that this is all worth it if you want to try to make your marraige work.......Good luck...I'll be thinking of you......

Brent,<P>Of course you have to do what's right for you, yet I hope you decide to do this - give it all you've got. As you must know, your relationship has a great chance of being far better than most - forever. That's hard to find, and you've loved/love this woman. Not many people get get that chance.<P>SamH

Brent,<P>I think the most important thing here is you find out what led your wife to that conclusion, somehow bottle it up, and then sell it to the rest of us to give our spouses. I'm home w/ Cat, but not under those type of circumstances.<P>Just kidding, (wait, no I'm not). <P>You came here for one reason and one reason only. All the fun we have posting here. Right? Or was it to save your marriage? Hmm tough decision there, buddy. What to do, what to do? Maybe Cat will show up w/ her Clue by four. <P>Go for it, man, what do you have to lose? A few more months of "single" time if it fails? Big loss I'm sure.<P>If I sound sarcastic and bitter, it is because I'm trying to make a point. Most of us guys here would give our left testic, um, big toes to hear those words out of our wives. And now you're asking us if you should stick around. Jeez!!! Cat, ClueX4 please. Whack!!!! Are you coming around yet, Brent, Whack, whack, whack!! anything yet. <P>Take it slow and easy and make it work. You're here, learning the good stuff on how to make a relationship work, just use it and you and your W will have an incredible marriage. I truly believe it.<P>Allen<p>[This message has been edited by Sparkydog (edited March 31, 2000).]

LOl well what to say after that post!!<P>Actually I read this and have been thinking..<P>(scary thought I know )<P>WHY does she want to come home? is it because she is missing the kids/ security? <P>Has she broken it off with the OM?<P>Yikes and yikes and yikes..<P>Proceed with Caution....Have a definate plan of what will need to happen.<P>Is she in counseling? Will/were you both?<P>I say this because Allen and I are back together but is it right? I don't know that yet. And as Allen will tell you it SUCKS!!!<P>LOL sad but true. <P>So, I think I would want to know WHY she wants back now..if she says for the kids, etc...I would take it even slower.<P>I know, bad me, do everything you can for the kids. But it is not always that simple.<P>So I guess I (and you) want to know WHY?<P>And if you do, be prepared for her to waffle back and forth unless the OM broke it off with her.<P>LOL Maybe *I* need to be smacked with the Clue x 4<P>Sorry no great advice <BR>But many thoughts and prayers!<P><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

ok, that lasted a day. Now she doesn't know what she wants. She had a bad day last yesterday trying to figure out what she should do. God she is so confused. All I did was tell her it was her choice to stay or go, and if she stayed there were conditions (no contact, change jobs, blood test, councling, etc.) I was honest with her, nothing more, nothing less.<P>She says she doesn't know what she wants except that she can't live without the girls. I told her she may not have a choice if we go to a custody trial and I win. LB?<P>Anyway, It seems that my W is going through all the stages of an affair I read about in SAA, only in fast forward. I have no idea what to do next. <P>Help..........<P>Brent<BR>

Now, you hang on for dear life and pray.<P>Seriously...<P>Okay this is probably Totally anti-mb...but I think you need to stick to your guns and not take her back til she agrees to your conditions...which to me sound completely reasonable.<P>If she is willing to try..maybe you can start counseiling now...either seperate or joint. <P>Has she broken it off with the OM yet?<P>Many prayers Brent...I have a feeling you may be in for a rough ride....are you stil proceeding with divorce then?<P><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

After all the pain, all the tears, all the crap...<P>I'm glad I did. I'm glad he's back. We're looking forward to the future.<P>Only you can decide.<P>Lori

brent, I agree with catepillar. I think you should not let her back unless she agrees with your conditions. And I think that is MB plan B.<P>I am going to have to do the same thing. I am ready to accept the consequences. I know I can go on and have a good life for me and my children.<P>I think my H will have a hard time letting go of OP because she is indispensible at work. Plus, I think he is still in denial about what is going on because he keeps lieing. ("I just enjoy working with her")<P>I think that I deserve better than always having to wonder what is going on. So do my kids. I am willing to do whatever it takes to work on improving our marraige, but he will have to do whatever it takes too. <P>I've gotton to the point (mainly because of the kids self esteem that is being harmed here) of telling him to go and OD with the OP. <P>ANyway, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and know that you are OK. I would stick to your plan. You know what is best for you and the girls.......

brentb,<BR>It is not so terrible that she is thinking of her children first in wanting to maintain your marriage. You know though, that in the long term it will have to be about more than just the kids. That is ok. You have plenty of time.<P>Being single is not all that it is cracked up to be. I understand you don't like the way things are now with your marriage. It is good that you are able to tell your wife what you expect. Like everyone else said, there is no guarantee that things will be better in the single world. Why start from scratch?

brentb -- I don't know if I have ever responded to one of your posts before or not, but I felt with this one, I might be able to offer some insight. . .OK, maybe not insight, but I wanted to reply anway.<P>This has been asked several times, but I think the answer is important. . .Is she still involved with the OM??<P>If she is, then allowing her to come home, could end up causing more harm than good, to not only your marriage, but to your children as well.<P>Now, are the children a good enough reason to come home? Sure they are. They are a common ground that you both have. You both love your children, and maybe that shared love is the corner stone you need to be able to rebuild upon.<P>The others who have responded to you have offered some very good advice. So I will shut up now.<P>My thoughts and prayers go out to you.<P>God Bless

Hi Brent,<P>I'm sorry about your situation. Please let us know how you are, and what is happening.<BR>Has she finished with OM?<P>I know it's hard on the children, and you, but you also need to think a bit long term here. She can't come and go as she pleases. That is so damaging for everyone concerned.<P>Well, you no longer have to envy me my situation!! My H is still moving here, but OW#2 is seemingly coming too.....<BR>But she's just a friend you understand, and coincidentally, she happens to have a boyfriend who also lives here. UH HUH, YEP, I SEE...........<BR>Funny, he never told me she had a bf before..<P>Just gets better and better doesn't it.<BR>I think I'm just about to pull the pin, and go ahead with legal proceedings.<P>I'm thinking of you, and sending a big hug.<P>Keep your chin up, and keep hanging on. Put yourself and your children first, just for a little while. and then see how you feel.<P>big hugs my friend<P>Jo

brentb,<P>I agree you have to do what YOU feel is right, proceed with EXTREME CAUTION.<P>After what H did last Thursday, on and on about how much he loved me, wanted counseling "whatever it will take" the tears, I just KNEW he was sincere.<P>Friday morning, different story. "I can't do it". I pray that if this EVER happens again that I protect myself. I'm right back at ground zero after this. I wanted to believe so bad. I wanted to trust him so bad. I wanted HIM so bad.<P>Actions do speak louder than words. I will ask him if it is over with her. I will ask what he is doing to help him self. Has he begun counseling. I don't know if he gets pleasure in my pain? Did he think he was losing me so had to see if he could still get me? Make sure I was still here waiting?<P>I don't know. Be careful. Think of yourself. Think of your kids. Think of YOUR feelings, what it is doing to YOU. Think of YOU for a change. I think that if they really want it to work and we say "NO" that they will try. <P>They know we are here, we've told them this, they've seen this. What have they done and said to SHOW us they want the relationship with us to work? I have seen extrodinary measures for "their" relationship. I want to see the same for mine.<P>I believe SAMH replied on mine. Wait, be patient. Don't do anything. You don't need to make an immediate reply. Take your time, think it through. They made a "compulsive" decision on "our" lives we do not need to do that. It is time to think of ourselves and our feelings also.<P>Hope this helps, not coming from a very good source, still pretty bitter after last week. I'll I know is if and when H calls me, I am not taking his phone calls, I will NOT pick him up right now because I need to be "picked up"<P>Tracy

Hi Brent,<P>just wanted to post again to find out how you are?<P>Has she contacted you again? <BR>Take your time my friend. Do that soul searching 'stuff', and ask the hard questions. It really does help.<P>I hope you're ok. I'm thinking of you.<P>Jo

If you truely love Love her, do not Think twice, do everthing you can to make it work.<P>Prayer to you<BR>Jack