It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, many things have happened in the past few weeks. <P>My sister had her spinal cord severed at the base of the brain. It is an attempt to stop the pain. The morphine drip and various other drugs weren’t working any longer. It has helped some, but her brain and skull are also affected, so it doesn’t help those areas. I want to visit her, but can’t because I have a flu bug. Any virus could be too much for her system to handle. We talk on the phone every day, and the rest of the family is with her. The stress on my mother is telling and she isn’t coping well at all (Alzheimers). I think we’ll have to make some arrangements soon.<P>H has never asked about either of them, he has no interest at all. Last week I suggested he come with me to visit S, but he didn’t see the fun in spending the evening with me and her. He has started staying out all night (he says he’s working). In the last week he has bought new clothes and cologne and has started wearing a gold pinkie ring (this from a man who hasn’t worn his wedding band in years because he can’t stand jewelry). At the same time he told our youngest that he has to quit swimming lessons because he doesn’t have the $25 to pay for it. I pretty much knew how he’d react – he’s never been very good at dealing with crises. It’s almost as tho it scares him and he has to distance himself both physically and emotionally. <P>I haven’t told anyone how he’s acting. When people sat I’m lucky to have him for support, I agree and change the subject. When family asks after him, I just say he’s busy at the office or some such. On the slim chance that we do stay together, I don’t want hard feelings to deal with. My family would never forgive him, and I doubt friends would understand either. <P>I have a new job now, much more difficult than my previous – or maybe I’m not concentrating very well. I know no one there, so I have no coworkers to confide in – a mixed blessing I guess.<P>The last time I posted here, I had just found out about my sister and was really distraught. I guess I was looking for some comfort, or sympathy, or just a place to vent. Everybody talks about how this site is non-judgmental (it wasn’t for me). I was basically told to grow up and stop acting like a baby. It was a tough one to swallow at that particular time and I admit that I seriously thought about doing some stupid things afterward. But since then I’ve learned that I’m a heck of a lot stronger than I thought – or maybe more tired. I literally have no energy left to fight with him, I’m too busy handling my S illness, my M’s finances, helping my kids cope and adjusting to my job. I keep thinking that eventually we’ll get through this (although that thought isn’t pleasant either).<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{moira2}}}}}}}}},<P>I sorry you didn't get the support you should have the last time you were here...<P>I will make a special effort to look for your posts from now on.<P>I'm so sorry about your sister...<BR>...I praying for her and you and your whole family.<P>It does sound so much like your H is having an affair... but with all you have on your plate... you don't have anytime to even do some investigating... (If you think he is passing anything on through a home PC... I could recommend some software...)<P>...If you need to talk...<BR>...post...<P>If you get no responses... e-mail me at imherczeg@yahoo.com . I do have an open and sympathetic ear...<BR>...maybe not as much time as I used to have... but I'll try.<P> <P>Jim

Moira,<P>I'm so sorry to hear how much pain you're in right now. It must be incredibly difficult.<P>I'm sorry to hear you felt judged the last time you posted. I don't know the circumstances, but I hope any misunderstandings were resolved.<P>There's nothing I can say to make the pain go away. I urge you to try to find some flesh and blood person you can talk to. I can understand your not wanting to involve friends or family, but perhaps a clergy person or counselor could lend an ear. If not, we are here. Let me know if you would like to "e" me personally.<P>My thoughts are with you. --HBC<p>[This message has been edited by HurtButCoping (edited April 02, 2000).]

moira, I'm really sorry about all of the pain you are in. I've never read one of your posts before so I don't know the details, but I can tell you I understand how hurt you are regarding your H.<P>I don't understand why your sister had to have her spinal cord severed at the base of her brain. What happened to her??<P>Keep posting here and you will get a lot of support.

Thank you all for your kind words. <P>HBC, I do have friends/family to talk to about my sister and mother. I just can’t tell anyone about my situation at home. I know that sometimes it leaves gaps in my stories when I’m talking to people, but that can’t be helped. I have spoken to a counsellor who has helped me, and I hope that I can see her again once things settle down a bit here.<P>Tootrusting, my sister is terminally ill. There is no chance of survival, and the drs are just trying to make her as comfortable as possible. It has only been a short time since she was diagnosed, and it was a shock (she went to the dr feeling kind of fluey). The cancer has invaded almost every part of her body, all major organs, and her bones. Apparently bone cancer is excrutiatingly painful – although I doubt there is any type that is painless. If only(!) her extremities were affected, they could amputate, but it is in all arms/legs, pelvis, vertabre, ribs, shoulderblades, and skull. Obviously they can’t amputate those. Also her brain and pericardium(sp)-the area around the heart. They say eventually the heart will be crushed until it can no longer beat. <P>She is very young, with young children and a husband who is self-employed. He has stopped working to be with her, but can’t pay bills without an income. He is terrified of losing their home, and uprooting the children even more, and completely beside himself about her illness. He and hubby used to be friendly, and I know he’s wondering why H hasn’t even called.<P>I don't want anyone to think badly because I was hurt by my last post. Maybe it helped me get my act together. It certainly gave me another direction for my anger. I just want to caution folks against making rash judgements on people during their most difficult times. This site advocates being non-judgemental towards our spouses, and yet we seem pretty quick to judge each other, whom we really don't know other than the posts they present. And most of us are not at our best when we're feeling the need to vent on this board.<P>Anyhow, thanks for all the kind words and thoughts. <P>Moira

{{{{{{{moira}}}}}}}<P>I don't know what else to say. I hope you can talk to your counselor soon--someone who can listen to it all.<P>Check back here often.

moira--<BR>I have tears in my eyes after reading this. How very, very terrible for you, your sister and her whole family. I will send up prayers, wish there was more I could do...<BR>Kathi

Moira...I thought I had problems. Mine seem insignificant in comparison. My sister is my best friend. I would be devastated by a terminal illness, not to mention the other problems you are having. Why does it seem everything happens at once? You are in my prayers. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com