Hi Gang,<P>Well, my lawyer called Friday morning to tell me that he sent out the affidavits of consent. That means when he receives them back both signed, it goes through the court system and 30 days later is the final decree.<P>I designed a card for my nephew [SIL son] with MS home publishing and dropped it off with Val's mail at her parents house before going to college to pick up my son. Don't worry, I'm going somewhere with this. Dolores [MIL] saw me coming and met me outside in the porch. She asked me in. I declined respectfully. I showed her the card I made. [Yes, I went for BIG brownie points] We stood outside chatting for about 10 minutes. She was always nice to me. Squiggy [our dog, Val has custody] came out to see his daddy. I drove away with a smile.<P>Anyway, Val calls me on the return trip from the Poconos. She thanks me for the cards [I made one for her too] and proceeds with small talk. I told her to expect to see something from the lawyer and we were 30 days away from the END. Her voice changes, not the puberty kind, into serious mode. Once again I hear the standard "it's been over a year" [separated] I ignore that and asked her if she is sure that this is what she wants. No answer. I repeat the question. Still, no answer. I proceed to see if she wants to sit down and chat one last time before the D is final. She said she is busy this weekend with work Saturday and needs to study for a big test on Monday night. OK, that's fine. I did blind side her with the "news". She said she will call.<P>On one hand, I'm glad to see an end to this situation so I can move on with my life. [I'll sign the damned thing!] On the other hand, this is not what I really want [I'm not going to sign the damned thing!] , but, like Bill I'm not going to take it anymore. [I'm going to sign the damned thing!] Hey, I could write a song like that. Who would I get to sing it? Hey, how about my twisted sister inlaw? And on the third hand, maybe this is what a conflict avoider needs. Now she is on the hot seat. My dear father used to say "[censored] or get off the pot!" That works in so many ways. [she will sign the damned thing!]<P>So this is more of an update. Oh, wait, I do have one question. Does it bother anyone else that Big Bird only has three fingers on each hand? I'm guessing an industrial accident. How 'bout you?<P><P>------------------<BR>"It's not over till we say it's over! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? H*ll no!" Blutto...Animal House 1984<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic<P>

MEDIC238 -- I'm sorry my friend. I wish I had some magic words for you. I hope my thoughts and prayers are enough.<P>God Bless

Hi Medic -<P>Said this on Bill's thread - but I'll say it here also.....<P>I hope she opens up and really lets herself think.....although thinking in real time is not their best asset at this point!!!! (speaking of time - don't we change our clocks ahead an hour tonight?)<P>Can we get away with not signing...I don't want to!!! Not with "foghead" in the affair still.....can we?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>PS - Since when do birds have hands to begin with? Now what kind of a thing is that to teach a child!!! hmmmpphhhh!!!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited April 02, 2000).]

hey medic<P>Just a thought - be ready for her to come to you begging you to take her back. That's what just happened to me. Seems that serving her with divorce papers was, as sparky dog put it, the clue-by-four she needed to see what she was doing. Of course, she had a relaps the next day so we are right back to page one as far as I am conserned. She doesn't know what the hell she wants and I'm getting fed up waiting for her to figure it out.<P>I gues what I'm saying is watch out for the sudden change of heart on Val's part. If she says she wants to save the marriage be careful and don't let her get your hopes up to easily. I think the shock of being served and realizing you are done screwing around may scare her into doing things without thinking them though, and unfortunately, you will probably get really jerked around in the process.<P>Just be careful. My 2 1/2 cents on the deal. I'm rather sceptical about my own situation right now, so I guess I'm just trying to for-warn you.<P>Brent

Medic,<BR>I am sorry...I wish I could say something, anything to help. This is such an emotional thing for all of us. It is also very, very frustrating. We want our spouses to come home...everything to be alright.....we want our marriages back. But the sad thing is...they don't.<P>We are all moving on....we have no choice.<P>I am being accused of NOT moving on by the court appointed "what-cha-ma-call-its". I have figured out that my stbx...moved on a long time ago. He moved on while everyone in this house was clueless....he had a roof over his head.....no attorneys involved....took his own time.....and when he decided he was ready .....he left. He left me to explain to the children, family, friends and neighbors. He left me with the mess to clean up. Part of the reason I am losing custody is because I don't have a plan. He does. I haven't moved on. He has. I'm not in a relationship. He is. He got to ( and so did all of our spouses) move on in the comfort of marriage...at his own pace and when they were mentally and emotionally reading...they left.<P>Medic....Val will regret this. But you have to see that and not feel sorry for her. You need to think of you. For once.....you need to think of you. One of the hardest things in life to do is to let go. But we have to. If she doesn't want this divorce....tells you so.....will that change everything....will she come back whole or will she come back and then leave again. I don't think that she is totally ready. She has to many reservations right now. If you have to get divorced...get divorced. It is a piece of paper....and if you leave the door cracked....move on....maybe that will be the answer.<P>Okay I have babbled.....been illogical ( custody evaluator says that I am completely illogical) but I think that you are a wonderful person....hate to see anyone hurting.....and I just want what is best for us...all of us.<P>Nancy

Hey Tim,<P>Hey if you get the music, I'll sing the song. Maybe we'll strike it rich and hit #1 on the charts Okay now back to reality. Sorry to hear things aren't going as you hoped, sounds oh too familiar. I wish my H would make a move of some sort. I'm just kind of going with the flow, not ready to make a move type of thing. <P>I saw you found the other forum where us soon to be divorced/divorced are hanging out now, but I just thought I'd reply to you over here too. <P>I know I probably haven't helped at all, but I just wanted you to know that I read this and I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!<P>BTW the industrial accident thing, LOL Where do you come up with these?<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com<p>[This message has been edited by jamie-lee (edited April 02, 2000).]

Tim,<P>How to say what I feel....This Sucks...Coulda, shoulda, woulda don't mean squat unless they are backed up with lets try. We can do ALL of the work. Unless they even attempt it don't amout to a hill of beans. So I took my ball and went home. I know that I committed some fouls in the game but I didn't cheat. The sad thing is no matter what we all lose, that's what sucks.<P>I think BigBird was too zealous in his fingernail chewing.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

medic... it sucks hey?<P>I didn't go trough that experience, but when he's affair was on, my dream was to open the top of H's head and replace the faulty brain!!!<P>I'm sorry, though. you've been giving your best, medic.<P>As for big bird, don't tell me that I, alone , know the secret??? he was hatched close to a big nuclear station, it has been leaking for years, and it affects birds first. DIdn't you know???? <BR>Kat

Tim...<P>Yeah... here I come again...<BR>Your <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A> pain in the backside.<P>You're going to make it Tim... <BR>...with so much less abuse and pain from Val!<P>I too could be so close in your steps... <P>And... No.. don't blame Val for Big Bird's problems... I know the tempatation is there... <P>Jim

Hi, Tim....I'm with everyone - this sucks bigtime.<P>Big hugs coming your way.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tim}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

Hi Tim,<P>I'm so sorry.<P>You know what I HATE the most about this infidelity saga?<P>One day I am so clear cut in my thinking and my decisions, nothing, but nothing is going to shake me out of them.<P>And then, he says something........<P>and I've fallen out of the goddam tree, and right back where I started from. I then have to go through the whole process of deciding what is right, or wrong, again........<P>I HATE THIS WITH A PASSION<P>I am doing so well on Plan B, but the more I run, or don't answer ph messages, the more he tries to contact me. WHY WHY WHY......<BR>Seems a bit like Val.<P>We (all of us here) need to spend some time thinking about just us. Not them.<P><BR>I know I havent told you yet, was waiting for the right moment, but I'm going away for a few days with a girlfriend..<BR>Will you be ok by yourself....???????<BR>Will you please clean up while I'm gone??????<BR>That kitchen is a mess, to say nothing of the bathroom......<BR>I didn't want to say anything before now, but your fixation with Big Bird is also getting on my goat.....<BR>Who cares if he only has 3 fingers!!!!!!!!!<BR>He's happy, he doesn't know he should have more!!!!!!!!!<P>Take care of you my friend, go out with your buddy's, go to the football, get that smile back. Somehow, I think we could all do with some fun right now. I know I'm going to use the Easter break to have some R & R. H will be here, and he will have the girls. YIIPPEEEEEE....... some Joey time!!!!!!!!!!<P>I'm thinking of you, and all of us. BTW, one of my friends here has just accepted a visiting professor position at a uni in Pennsylvania..... You never know, I may just visit you all, and have that coffee with you, Jim, and who else was it??<P>Jo<BR>

Tim, Jo,...<P>I'm up for some coffee...<BR>...sugar free ice cream maybe...<P> <P>Jim

Medic,<P>Keep your chin up. It's all we can do when things don't go the way we wish they would.<BR>Keep all of us in your prayers, as we do for you.

Tim,<P>I agree with Sheba, how many other birds do you know with fingers!!!!!!!Or maybe he was hatched on TMI.<P>I too am sorry for your loss. But you fought the good fight. So maybe those damn Germans did win at Pearl Harbor, but remember that there are always do overs.<P>Best of luck to you and I hope I don't see you on the other forum<P>God Bless,<P>Bob