I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am so tired. Physically, emotionally. H and I have been seperated for almost 8 months. We started dating each other the beginning of December. It was wonderful. We talked, spent time together, laughed. It was great. Then all of a sudden, no warning, it all stops. He told me that he told OW that it was over, he doesn't remember saying that now. He says they still see each other sometimes, what ever that is suppose to mean. I am tired of waiting for him to make up his mind. While he is "thinking" I am taking care of our son, the house, the bills, myself, etc. while he has no responsibility, no one but himself to think about. Our son hasn't seen him in a month now (either have I). He calls everynight. He is sweet when we talk, but it's like talking to a buddy. We talk about our son and our day. Nothing personnal. And if I try to bring anything personnal up, he gets mad. I am really getting tired of being alone. And then to add salt to the wound. There is a nice gentlemen at work that has asked me out (we have gone to lunch once). He is so sweet, and wants to spend time with me (something my H doesn't seem to want to do). I am really getting tired of waiting around, putting my life on hold for H. Who does he think he is? If I tell him I miss him, no responce. If I tell him I've been thinking of him, no responce. He tells me he loves me when we get off the phone, and that is suppose to be enough. Am I being unreasonable? I am so over this. <BR>Sorry for the vent.<BR>Viki

(((Viki)))<P>I am at the emotionally and physically exhausted stage myself. My H has come back home recently, but when he was here before, he didn't really allow me to me his Emotional Needs. He won't fill out the questionnaires or anything. I don't know what to tell you to do. At some point, you just have to say "enough". Even Dr. Harley says betrayed spouses shouldn't have to put up with this wishy-washy behavior. Maybe Plan B is in order for you. Best of luck to you!<P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Viki,<P>I have an idea. Why not tell you H that someone wants to date you. Then ask him point blank what his intensions are? Just tell your H you are tired of the fence sitting and that it might be nice to date again. It might shake him up enough to light a fire under his butt. <P>I would only do it if you are prepaired for the posability of a divorce. I am a firm believer of shake them up philosophy. It has worked for me. But I was prepaired for the worst.<P>Hang in there and take it one day at a time. {{{{{{Viki}}}}}}}

Hi Viki -<P>First, here's a BIG HUG!!!!<P>I know you are tired....a lot of us have hit that complete exhaustion mark at least once through this nightmare.<P>The way I see it is that you have two choices....<P>1) Do something like P states above<P>or<P>2) Change the routine of nightly calls.<BR>This can be done by telling him something like it hurts too much and/or a more scheduled stability is needed for your son...example - visitation, child support, etc. and then implement either a Lostva type thing with notes once a week/two weeks/month with lighthearted updates or else Plan B so that you keep your love in tact, but can distance you from the everyday turmoil of contact.<P>I know that most of your tiredness is from going through this for so long. I have to be honest with you though, you know that adding another guy to your thoughts are just complicating and taking up your already exhausted brain.<P>You are no where near ready for another entanglement - especially with a nice guy...... don't jump into something with your emotions so raw and vulnerable. It is not good for you or him....neither would it be fair.<P>See what you are in through first, then as you heal - the time will come for another relationship if that is what is meant to be. OK?<P>So, which of the 2 scenarios would you want to try? With either one you need to prepare to back up anything you say.<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Viki,<P><BR>Hugs and prayers to you.<P>You have gotten some good advice here, Sheba has pretty much said it all. You will have consequences to deal with no matter what road you take.<P>If you do nothing you may be stuck in this situation with your H fence sitting for a long time.<BR>If you go to plan B you may be heading in for a divorce.<BR>Weigh all options and possible outcomes carefully before you make your decision.<P>love to you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{VIKI}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

Thank you so much for your help. I know you all are right, I have to decide which road to take. That's the hard part, at times I want to just call it quits, then other times I can't let go. It's so confusing (you all understand that). I guess I have more thinking to do, huh?<P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them!<BR>Viki

Hi, Hon....well you know I think I see some "baby steps". But you know me!!!!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Viki}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Luv you.<P>Lori

Viki it seems that you and H are in the same place. You don't know what to do, don't want to let go, but can't seem to make it work. I think it is going to be up to you to make the FINAL decision. Or else he will continue to drag your heart through this again and again. I think P1 said it best. It's time for you to do SOMETHING, Plan B, or just let him know that you are now finally at the end of your rope and he has to stop this fence sitting.

You are right. It's just a hard step to take. I could lose forever, or it could work out. It's pretty scary. Thanks for the input, it means the world. <BR>Viki

Viki, watch out for the nice gentleman...I got myself one of those, because your emotional needs have gone unmet, they can be met by someone else pretty easily. Just like all the EA & PA it is fantasy...just really crappy because you are already in a bad place, you think something new can't be worse.<P>I'd mention to your H about the man. Guard got pretty fired up, realized he might really lose me...but I gave the guy up, Guard moved home, it went lousy, he moved out, I contacted guy, Guard began stalking me (very strange, since for so long, he DID NOT CARE where I was or what I was doing), I ended contact with EA(relunctantly)as divorcing has to my decision and he doesn't want the burden of ending my marriage...messy stuff, I can't/won't/don't recommend it.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

Lor,<BR>Thanks for the advice. I know you are right. It is nice thought, to have someone want to spend time with me. Something my H doesn't seem to want to do. But boy what a mess this can make, you've opened my eyes to that one. <P>------------------<BR>You can't live with them, you can't kill them!<BR>Viki