It's been quite a while since my last post (about 7 or 8 months). Things have really changed here. I haven't been to the site in almost that amount of time. I thought I'd come back and share a short update. <P>For those of you who don't know me, I am the betrayed and spent the better part of 3 years trying to reconcile. I knew about the affair for 2 1/3 of those years, but my W always denied it. Well, 3 weeks after finally admitting it, she filed for divorce.<P>I continued try work Plan A or B (whichever I was in at the moment). As of today, I wish I didn't have to admit that I'm divorced.<P>I have tried with all that I am and all that my heart has to offer and all that I have inside to win my wife back. She decided that the OM was the way she wanted to go with her life and our kids. Needless to say that this hasn't been all the great of a day. I'm struck that after 10 1/2 years of marriage, it only took a 45 minute court meeting to end it.<P>Why did the judge only ask her if the marriage was irreconcilable? Why didn't I get to answer the question about whether or not there was any hope of repair? Why is she doing this? She was supposed to be my best friend. She promised to love, honor, and protect. She promised that I'd be there everyday for my kids....not 12 hours a week! We promised ONLY to love each other. Why is she doing this?<P>I know there are lot of people in a lot of different places in life who come here. I know there is a lot of different pain that people are experiencing here. To all those who aren't sure what to do.....I have the answer.....try. And when it gets harder.....try harder. And when you want to quit.....try harder. When you think it's not worth it......try harder. Don't ever quit....TRY HARDER. "He is not a failure, lest he should quit." Even though I hurt, and I'm angry and I feel aweful, at least I never quit. For 3 years I didn't quit. Even when my "friends" said to quit and go away and even when it hurt more to keep trying, I didn't quit. I never gave up the hope that my W would wake up and grow up and set her life straight......don't ever give up on those you love.<P>I'm not sure what I expected by coming here, and I certainly don't want anyone to feel bad or anxious about what they're going through at home. It's been said that you go to where friends are when you're hurting. I hurt.....really bad. I wonder what ever happened to some of the people who were here before. I see some of the old faces here offering time tested and good advice. Hi TNT and Dazed. I wonder what ever happened to Chris123 and SHA.<P>I wish and pray that for each one of you currently going through this mess, that love and reconcilliation will win out. Thanks for all the help in the past from the old timers and good luck to the rest.<P>Don't give up.......<P>------------------<BR>Janella - "...I'll be the greatest fan of your life..."<BR>Jerry<P>

Hi Jerry,<P>I'm sorry to hear how this mess has gone for you (me too). <P>I'd like to invite you to the newest section of the fourm..... Divorcing/Divorced. <P>There are a few of us "old-timers" there, so stop in if you feel like it.<P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>Butterfly<BR>(aka ~ Dawnetta)<P>------------------<BR>There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. <BR>-- John Oliver Holmes<P>The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.<BR>-- Elie Wiesel<P><BR>

grprof,<P>Chris, TNT, Dazed, and SHA are still here. They don't post much but they are still here. There is also another forum here for divorced and divorcing people. Have a look over there. You will find some familiar faces as well.<P>Sorry, that your long and hard fight has ended this way. There is really nothing else to say is there. Just I'm sorry to hear it.<P>Take a look around. Things are split up into different sections. Look at the Recovery section and the divorced sections as well as this. You will see some old names. In fact SHA posted today. I think to Jill.<P>Take care and God Bless,<P>JL

Dear grprof,<P>I'd like to offer you some encouragement during what must seem a bleak time in your life. You may have heard variations on this concept before, but a timely word is helpful to remind us of what we know, but may not necessarily feel.<P>Our society, and indeed our human nature, is very results oriented. If we achieve our goal, we've won. If we don't, we've lost. From this 'natural' perspective, it must be very tempting to view yourself and your efforts to reconcile as a failure.<P>The truth is, there are very few things in life over which we truly have control. The illusion of control, yes, but real control, no. We can give our all, but the outcome of our efforts is always in God's hands.<P>From your post, it sounds like you gave your all to save your marriage. It's critical to realize that the only goal within your reach was to give your all, not to succeed in winning her back. That result was in His hands.<P>Though it may not feel like it right now, you succeeded! You stayed the course. You ran the race to the finish. What more could you ask of yourself?<P>This long and wearying trial has produced great character in you. If you take a moment to reflect, I am sure you will see in yourself qualities that were not there before the trial began. You are a better man today than you probably would have been if your wife had never left.<P>Better doesn't mean happier. We grow from overcoming hardship and accepting correction. But you are a better servant of His, more able to help minister to the needs of the multitudes who need to hear His voice in a world that often makes no sense.<P>In love's service, only broken hearts qualify. You paid a dear price, my friend, but I believe that before the end you will realize that you gained more than you lost.<P>Your brother in Him,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed <P><BR>

Butterfly, JL, & Broken,<P>I really appreciate your responses. I don't know that I really feel like a failure. Yet I can't help but feel like I've let my daughters down. This is probably natural and it's defintely what I feel. I know I have cried the Mississippi in tears, and I know I've prayed the prayers of the ages -- I love her deeply and I never wanted this.<P>I'm old enough to know that what we want and what we get are definitly two different things. I was mislead for a very long time by my W that this (reconcilliation) was what she wanted too. I think that for myself, it would have been much easier without the lying and such.....I'm sure this is a subject for discussion in the Divorced threads.<P>Thank you very much for your responses. I will remember you all in my prayers for whatever you happen to be going through.<P>------------------<BR>Janella - "...I'll be the greatest fan of your life..."<BR>Jerry<P>