<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited April 07, 2000).]

I think that H may have grown a lot, emotionally and he just wanted to share that with his son. He could have also used the "i have unresolved issues with my xw", just as an excuse to get out of the wedding altogether. I am not trying to burst your bubble, but if you want to see what is going on in x's head, then try calling him again. Just to say hello and see where it goes from there.

skye,<P>I think it is obvious from the enormous changes that have taken place in your xh's life since his encounter with you last summer, that he does indeed have very strong feelings for you. You are NOT imagining that!<P>But, he is not ready to act on them. His life is clearly in transition. Give him time, and continue to put out feelers.<P>And, I can tell you one thing, my sister's husband would NEVER write those wonderful words about HIS first wife to HIS children! He would NEVER say to his children that they were "born from love and passion" and that they are "the embodiment of the spirit and the light that your mother and I shared." Because HE does NOT feel that way about his xwife.<P>That your xh 4 years later STILL has such powerful feelings of love for you IS encouraging. That he wanted both YOU and your son to know that he has these feelings for you, is very significant. WHY would he have written that to your son, unless he wanted you to know how much he's changed and that he hopes you will care what he feels? Your son's reaction to his father's words tell you that the message was for you, not him. <P>Your xh is taking baby steps towards starting to deal with his feelings for you. But, I would also think he fears rejection from you. As you said yourself, he courageously put himself out there last summer and you ignored him like he didn't even exist. That had to hurt him a lot, and will make him very leery of ever risking his heart with you again.<P>I think his writing those beautiful words about you to your son was his way of testing the waters with you. You should do something to encourage him. Maybe, a note to him or another call. But, you definitely have to be the one to make more effort, because he is very gun-shy now.<P>Good luck, I see lots to be encouraged about, no one would bother to say those lovely words, unless he wanted them to have an effect on the intended target.<P>blair<P><p>[This message has been edited by blair (edited April 06, 2000).]

I'd agree...<P>Time to test the waters again...<P>ala <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>... going very slow...<BR>with very little expectations on your part!<P> <P>Jim

Thank you all for your replies.<P>Jim, how do I do a Plan A if we are divorced and not in any contact?<P>Any ideas!!<P>~skye~

skye,<P>I agree with what everyone has said so far. I would like to offer one other thought. Since he is the one that screwed up in the marriage, he probably feels that he has no right to have you in his life again. Your snub probably also reinforced this idea. <P>I understand your reluctance to contact him, because you don't want to be rejected again. A very reasonable concern. But I sense that althought the divorce was messy you do have feelings for him.<P>It would seem he has them for you as well. Whether it is feelings of getting together again or just to reestablish a friendship I don't know. But it is clear he gave up a marriage to a woman who loved him, because his feeling were too strong. I would speculate that he did not want to mess up again in marriage and going into one with strong feelings for you would have surely done that.<BR> <BR>I don't think he will reach out to you beyond what he did last summer. He probably feels he doesn't have the right.<P>So my advice, see if there is someway to reach out that you are comfortable with. Maybe through your son. I assume that he is older and has sided with you through the divorce. But maybe he wouldn't mind being the excuse or go between for you.<P>Just be prepared that he may just want friendship or he would like more. It could be either, but I have a feeling it may be more .<P>So take your time and really see how you feel about this. If you are interested and comfortable with all possible outcomes, then find a way to make contact. Maybe even email. Affairs start that way, so why cannot renewed marriages .<P>God Bless,<P>JL

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited February 21, 2001).]

skye,<P>He is not your H any more. If he likes money and it is a major thing to him, I suspect he really wanted to get rid of her. So just look at this way, real estate does go up .<P>I would bet however, this was a pay off to avoid a lawsuit. So don't be mad, it is not part of your life now. He was part of your life years ago and maybe part of your life in the future, but he is not now.<P>Or you could view it as 250K to buy his freedom from her. That could be a very reasonable price depending on how your relations with him works out. Don't you think? <P>So, skye, get a good perspective on this. Don't get mad or hurt about things that really are not part of your life now. If you need to feel hurt I am sure there are many things in the past you can dwell on, but please remember it is your FUTURE that is important. The past cannot be changed but the future offers many opportunities.<P>So don't borrow trouble. Really examine how you feel about all of this and if you feel you should proceed forward, then do so. I know this is a very emotional issue, but this calls for you to be very rational with yourself and the situation. You will get the best results if you do this.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

`<p>[This message has been edited by skye (edited February 21, 2001).]

skye,<P>Don't let the ending of the relationship with the OW bother you. It really hasn't done anything to hurt you and may be helping you. As for the 250k obviously your exH can afford it.<P>So think about the issues at hand. Do you want to contact him? Do you think he is interested in contacting you? Where would you like the contact to lead if it were reasonable, friendship or more?<P>Once you have sorted those things out, then you can decide to proceed. I'll bet waiting a few weeks might be a good idea. Your exH may not be too thrilled with women right now .<P>But skye you have made it this far without him, so don't let this stuff get to you.<P>Good Luck and God Bless,<P>JL