Dear Broken:<P> Thank you so much for responding. It does help to vent. To my surprise, I didn't yell and carry on when my husband let me in on this. That won't help and may just push him over the edge. I know I need to be patient and help him to work through this. What I did tell him was that I appreciate his finally being honest with me and that he has always done the right thing for his family and that I trusted him to do that now.<P> What has really got me confused the most is that everything I have read here talks about emotional needs. I asked him what he was missing that he needed. He said he couldn't ask for more than what he has now, that this was not caused by anything lacking in our relationship - he just can't get her out of his mind. He is not placing any blame on me, just himself. He doesn't understand this himself.<P> We have had our ups and downs like all couples but we have always come through together. Our physical relationship has been good and has continued uninterrupted even now. So I must be missing something somewhere because I always thought that infidelity happened because there was a distance between husband and wife, but that isn't the case. We have made it a point to make time for each other and still do. So what am I missing?<P> I am having trouble with the "is he thinking about her while being intimate with me" stuff. I know I have to get that out of my head but it is not easy.<P> So do you have any suggestions for this mess?

Dear Jaycie,<P>A few weeks ago, someone asked me the very same question, whether an affair has to be caused by unmet emotional needs. If you search my posts (there is an automated way to do this), you should find my detailed reply...<P>To give you the short version, my answer is usually yes, but not always. Due to our sin nature, we are 'hard-wired' to be susceptible to affairs. Even if a relationship is good, a part of our brain tends to whisper: 'The grass is always greener.' <P>My wife fell at a time when most of her EN's were being met in the marriage. Our relationship was very good (no longer great, but still very good), yet from out of nowhere she began thinking about kissing a man she worked with...<P>It's all there, if you care to read my testimony on the Notable Posts thread...<P>Best Wishes,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed <P>