It's 4 in the morning, been awake since 2:30 listening to W sleep. Never felt so lonely. I understand the Plan A concepts, and when I'm not hurting so bad I can really see the logic in them, but what do you do when emotions take over, and you feel the pain of the loss of love so greatly? Just when you need love and affection the most, the person you thought you could always count on to give it -- can't...or won't. I miss her so badly. And the pain and anger at the way in which she has violated my trust and my love so completely... <BR>We're seeing a counselor -- and he is very good. But how can I be honest with him and her in these sessions -- the very time when you are supposed to be getting to the root of your problems and talking about your needs, your hurts, positive steps to take, etc., when you're restricted by these Plan A guidelines that sometimes seem so inhuman???

I think it is all in the wording.<BR>I do think you have to be honest about what you are feeling.<P>*BUT* you need to express it in a non-blaming/accusing way.<P>Your problems are not magically going to go away just because of plan A, the underlying issues are still going to be there.<P>I think in a counseling session with someone to help you discuss those issues calmly and logically would be the ideal place to bring them up.<P>There is just that fine skinny little line you must walk in the way you word your concerns.<P>Good Luck<P>Cat

Maybe you can have some individual sessions too so you can feel free to open up without worrying about LB. And keep posting here. I know exactly how you feel. My H won't go to counseling so I'm going alone and I am trying to be more open to him, but its hard when they are so cold and don't seem to care about you.<BR>Lora

DD:<P>I am a fine one to talk given my recent history of LBing under pressure (see my post on a Bad Day), but I think that love busting is not always so much what you say but how you say it.<P>That is, an LB might be "How could you do this to me? How could you sleep with someone else?" But you can express the same feeling by saying, "I feel really hurt and alone right now. I trusted you completely, and now I don't even trust myself. I love you and I want our marriage to work. Please tell me how you think we can fix it." Same message, but the latter is more concrete and less inflamatory.<P>Putting in love units and avoiding love busting isn't about losing yourself. It's about making sure you don't hurt the one you love without even thinking.<P>Now if I could just take my own advice!<P>As far as missing the person who's sitting right next to you, I know exactly what you mean and I know how it hurts. I don't know how to make the hurt go away. I hear time heals, and I think it's true. Hang in there, DD. --HBC

DD<BR>I feel pain as you talk about your situation.I have felt similar feelings.Sounds hopeful that W will is in counseling with you.My prayers to you.beth