Quelle coincidence. I just posted to sam's goodbye topic and have been gone a while too. Just wanted to say hello and wish you well.<P>Are you happy?<P>Starpony

Starpony<BR>I'm butting in on your thread to say HI!<BR>I think about you often and am always so happy to see your name!<BR>How are you?<BR>

Starpony, Wassubborn,<P>I guess I will but in here too to say hi! Been wondering about you Starpony? Sorry you are still there. I've been readin ws's good advice.<P>Short update for me. I think we are finally there. It's been bumpy and he had a couple of small slips that I calmly got us through. He's back to 80 percent himself I would say. We've gotten very close and I am his best freind again. <P>Today we are leaving for a ten day road trip all alone. Reno, Vegas, The Grand Canyon and San Diego. Our 23 anniversay is Friday. I will post when we return. <P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P>

Lily <BR>Is this starting to look like a class reunion or what?<BR>So glad to hear you're doing good.<BR>You got me going though. I'm sitting here trying to figure out when I ever had good advice. <BR>I thought I was just the whiner of the century. <BR>Have a wonderful wonderful trip and do make sure you tell us all about it.<BR>I'm going to see if I can flag down cl!

WS,<P>You a whiner? No I enjoyed and put to good use your 1 year ago today, and triggers posts and identified real good with your counceling one. Look for me in Recovery when I return!! Yeehaw!! Sorry for butting again Starpony!! How are you?<P>------------------<BR>Lilly<P><p>[This message has been edited by Lilly (edited April 12, 2000).]

Hey all!<P>Lilly - no need to be sorry! I am glad things are working out so well for you. I will scan the recovery section specifically for your post when you return.<P>Hi WS - Of course you have great advice-the best kind because it always comes out of your own self-examination and progress. <P>Me - Well, H is at a new job in a new city. He could never commit to the marriage and end the affair so the kids and I are still here. (OW is still here too.) I am still in plan A, see him every other weekend or so when he is here to visit the kids, but have refused to visit new city while he is still involved with OW. It has been hard, but I am doing OK. Have done great things for me and have grown alot.<P>I've been counseling with Steve. Have planned a tentative move to plan B maybe in a month. H is still depressed, confused, misses the kids, misses me but has been unable/unwilling to sever the tie with OW. I keep thinking he is ready to hit bottom - and maybe some resolution will then be forthcoming. But it just keeps dragging on.<P>Still, I remain hopeful. I still love him. But I'm getting on with my life for the most part. Time will tell.<P>So good to hear from all of you. I hope some other oldtimers will chime in here!<P>Starpony

Girls!<BR>I'm feeling so good reading both your names!<P>Lilly<BR>I will keep peeking in recovery. Good luck! I have not quite mastered the word "recovery" yet as H left that darn door wide open. So I have a hard time posting there. You keep your eyes open too. I may (and I'm not holding my breath) have some closure one day soon. Then I'll walk around all day saying "recovery, recovery, recovery......"<P>Starpony<BR>You are a wonderful wonderful lady. I pray for you often. Your patience and love is incredible. The best thing I read in your post...you "have done great things for you". You are a very important person and I'm so glad you're taking care of you! <P>I sent a smoke signal to cl. Hope she pops back in.

Lilly and Starpony, am VERY glad you both are here. <P>You two have been on my mind very much lately. Starpony, you especially. Even said more prayers for you last week. <P>I was in a lawyers office yesterday (NO NOT FOR THE BIG D - for an inheritance issue....) anyway, the lawyer said something more profound than he realized, and I will never forget it:<P>DO NOT TRY TO UNDERSTAND INSANITY. IT JUST IS.<P>This was so profound, I couldn't believe it. <P>Addiction. Infidelity. It is all insanity. <P>They say that during an affair, there is a little bit of a personality disorder coming out - and it is truly a form of insanity. The affair does that to people. I can understand it also - chemical imbalances, guilty, etc. Adultery is a temporary form of insanity, and we should not take it "personally" - so hard to fatham. <P>But, Insanity - Don't try to understand it. It just is.<P>You both are incredible. Thanks for coming back to MB.<P>TNT

Hi Starpony! <BR>Yes, it is me....been gone awhile.<BR>All is fine. Recovering, slow sometimes, too fast at other times. Things here will be just fine. H is committed to making the marriage work, so if he can keep his nose clean, we will make it. <BR>It is not all roses, but it is pretty good.<BR>Am catching up...this seems to be a good thread to do it on! <BR>Your situation sounds like it is dragging on, but I LOVE READING ABOUT YOUR GROWTH!!!<BR>Yippeee!!! Did steve suggest plan B? Also wonder what Steve says when the betrayed spouse works on personal growth issues and gets so far ahead of the betrayer? <BR>Just something to mull over when there is nothing else to do. <BR>Kids okay? <P>WOW, Lilly, have a great trip.<BR>TNT?! Are you saying that our insanity just is? <BR>WS, smoke signal? Geez, what are you burning out back now?! <BR>Have missed all of you so much and nice to be able to give a good update and some positive advice?!?!?! <BR>((((hugs)))) cl

WS - you are too kind. Thanks.<P>TNT - It is so sweet of you to be thinking of me. I agree with the insanity bit. Sometimes it is so hard to see where it will ever end. How are you doing?<P>cl - I've missed your voice of reason. I am so glad to hear things are going well for you. You do raise an interesting question that I think many of us dealing with this over the long term have to ask ourselves. (Distressed, feel free to weigh in here).<P> For example, I now know:<BR>1. I can handle the single mom act. It's hard, and I never wanted it, but I can do it.<BR>2. My kids are happy and well-adjusted<BR>3. I can establish meaningful and mutually supportive friendships independent of being part of a couple<BR>4. I can do things I never thought I could and have FUN doing them(took a vacation alone, started an acting class)<BR>5. I can be sad and lonely sometimes without it taking over my life<BR>6. I can still love my H but know that there is nothing I can do to change him. Especially now!!<P>I do still think it is possible for H and I to keep growing together, but at what point do you decide the gap is too big? Or it just isn't going to happen. H doesn't really know what he is missing. I still hope he doesn't take too long to figure it out... the end of this year will be 2 years since discovery. 'Nuf said.<P>Take care everyone, I heading back to lurkdom for a while.<P>Starpony