<BR>I am dying inside. I love me husband, but this realization came after my affair and after my withdrawl, which took me 3 months of almost no contact. I am over the OM, but I moved to another state as part of my withdrawl and no contact. I refused to contact my husband for 5 weeks, too! Poor guy, he was hurting but PROMISED to be there when I was ready, but when I was ready, he mysteriously wanted a divorce. For almost 2 months we talked with Jennifer, and he would barely talk with me, and he didn't want me to cmoe visit him. Finally, I just made flight plans, visited him, and he tells me he already FILED for divorce, and guess what? He has been having an affair! It started during my withdrawl from my affair. He lied about all of it in our sessions with Jennifer.<BR> The thing is, we still love each other. We almost made love last night, but he could't b/c he felt like he was cheating on HER. I am moving back to his state in 11 days-I quit my job here. SHE lives in another state. I am hoping he will not move the divorce forward. I am desperate to stop it at least until after he can try withdrawl!! What can I do?? He doesn't want to be "sold" or manipulated. I am terrifed that he can't go 2 days without calling the OW, but they both promised to try no contact. I think it will be he who slips. I love him, and want him to not contact her, and then give us a chance. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ina,<P>I don't know all the details...<P>How come you can't live with your H?<BR>Any children?<BR>Has your H really agreed to no contact with the OW?<BR>Is your H wanting a reconciliation?<BR>Can he put a halt on the divorce?<P>Prayers... <P>Jim

Ina,<P>I am very sorry to hear of the current state of things. I went back a reread your posts and the responses. It seems that the worst fears were confirmed. He withdrew and found some else.<P>I would suggest that you have patience. You have some idea what he is going through and you know how confused it can get. If you show him a consistent you and one that loves him, then maybe some of his fears will lesson and his heart will open to you.<P>It surely is time for Plan A, as I am sure you know. I suspect you are already using it. When you get back to his state, keep up the pressure. He may not want to be "sold" or manipulated, but he must be convinced ; a much nicer way of saying and doing the same thing. <P>So do some convincing. It may take time and the divorce may even go through, but that doesn't mean that all is over. You have talked with Jennifer for quite awhile, I am sure she has some very good advice for you during this period. Use it.<P>Meanwhile, hang in there and post when you can.<P>God Bless You,<P>JL

Dear Ina,<P>I am so sorry, you must be feeling the ride of the roller coaster way more than you feel you can handle.<P>But, look - your husband and you still love each other. <P>You odviously know that when we are not meeting the needs of our spouse, it leaves the environment ripe for an affair. So, while I understand that to end contact meant you had to move away, it also left your husband vulnerable.<P>So, what is the secret? Plan A. You need to try and keep from lovebusting, and you need to do a really good job at it, and meet his emotional needs.<P>What are his needs? <P>You need to make sure that you don't get caught up in lovebusters as a result of all his lies. Remember, this is what betrayers do - and we have to think "on the goal, on the goal, on the goal". <P>Stay focused, and do everything you can think of to not lovebust and meet his important emotional needs. <P>TNT

Yes, I am doing plan A...as best I can froma distance. I have sent letters and cards, encouraging him...telling him that the pain will lessen over time. But I know how he feels! He doesn't want to feel LESS for the OW! He is confused. When I move back to his state, April 21, I hope things will improve, but I don't know where I will live, and it will probably bbe about 2 hrs from him. Luckily, the OW lives in a far away state. Thank you all for your responses.<BR>