Hey there CMAN!!<P>Just a note to say hang in there!!

Thanks for thinking of me. Like many others today, I've had a low down, dirty day. Things just ain't been getting better in my scenario. Got to keep plugging. BTW, some admin problems (I must've used an old email address, and I cannot remember the PW) made me re-register. Doo doo happens! :-)

Hi CMan...I too am hoping things are looking up for you. Its pretty frustrating when you feel like your whole life is over and you have to start over. Every day I think things will get better...one of these days it will. At least you are still able to play hockey and do the things you love. How was your evening with your kids? I wish my husband would spend some time with our kids...he avoids all of us. Anyway, hang in there. Better days are coming....really.<P>

Thanks for the encouragement. Today stunk, but being with the kids last night was great. I really shower them with attention unlike the past when I actually lived with them. Where the heck was I? Maybe more like who was I? Who knew? I took them to the driving range and we wacked some golf balls, we might even do a beginners Par 3 this weekend. My boys 13 and 9 and daughter (6) just enjoy being with their Dad. The little one even tried to hit a few off the Tee, but it was tough wearing pumps . We ended up at a local Walmart to pick up (another) Barbie... but this one is different (Ya, right, Brittany Spears ) They all end up naked in the tub anyway I'm trying to hook up with my older brother and mentor before I skate tonight, no word from him yet. I need to talk to him, but without his berating me, I'm down too low for that. I'm already beaten to a pulp. W is still very, very angry and disappointed in me. But I guess I gave her a littany of reasons for that though I still just feel like I'm in limbo, never to return.<p>[This message has been edited by CMan2 (edited April 13, 2000).]

I hope you were able to hook up with your brother....really. Everyone is different, but time truly is the greatest healer and barometer of what will be your fate. I know you know how much your wife is hurting; but put yourself in her place. I bet she is hurting as much as you are. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and honoring her requests, but still being a good father and there for her if she should need you is very positive indeed. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.<P><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMan2:<BR><B>Thanks for the encouragement. Today stunk, but being with the kids last night was great. I really shower them with attention unlike the past when I actually lived with them. Where the heck was I? Maybe more like who was I? Who knew? I took them to the driving range and we wacked some golf balls, we might even do a beginners Par 3 this weekend. My boys 13 and 9 and daughter (6) just enjoy being with their Dad. The little one even tried to hit a few off the Tee, but it was tough wearing pumps . We ended up at a local Walmart to pick up (another) Barbie... but this one is different (Ya, right, Brittany Spears ) They all end up naked in the tub anyway I'm trying to hook up with my older brother and mentor before I skate tonight, no word from him yet. I need to talk to him, but without his berating me, I'm down too low for that. I'm already beaten to a pulp. W is still very, very angry and disappointed in me. But I guess I gave her a littany of reasons for that though I still just feel like I'm in limbo, never to return.<P>[This message has been edited by CMan2 (edited April 13, 2000).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I did hook up with Big Brother and mentor (I have four brothers, three older). We chatted for an hour prior to a playoff hockey game (we won ) He just said hang in there. His first suggestion was if I wanted the OW, then go live with her. I explained to him that I knew, long-term, the OW would not work out (she is 12 years my junior) and I wanted to be back with my family. He asked why didn't I think of that before, but he doesn't understand the addiction of affairs, no one does, unless they've been through it. Once he understood that and I wanted to reconcile, he said pretty much what everyone said here. Just keep plugging, be there whenever my W needs you, be the best damn Dad I can be, don't bug her, and just be myself. After all, my W fell in love with me twenty years ago, and I haven't been me in quite a while. The legal separation that is coming is only there for the protection of the kids. I understand that, but it is hard to accept that I am viewed as being that far out, that undependable. I've never been that. My word was gold, but I guess that was the old me