Hi there!<P>this is in response to your question in "how long do....?<P>Absolutely! I actually talked to my addictive behavior teacher about what i had gone through(she is a pschologist) because i thought that for a while I had a split personality problem. I seriously felt like two different people. <P>She told me I went through what is called, decossiate personality(the spelling stinks )<P>I disassociated myself from myself(if that makes any sense) becasue i was so confused and the emotions were so intense. If you had asked me if I liked peanut butter i couldn't have given you a straight answer. If I could have it woudl have been Satan himself answering. I am so serious. <P>It was easier to leave my current situation than it was to deal with it. by leaving I mean my "evil twin".<P>Would you believe I could almost hear another person almost egging me on to continue what i was doing? or I would argue with myself to stop what i was doing. I am sure there wasn't a person around me that would have ever claimed to be related to me at all!!<P>Mercy<P><BR>

I was just searching for that post. I couldn’t remember where I asked you that question.<P>Thanks.<P>Sorta like the little guy sitting on your shoulder telling you, “go for it, it doesn’t matter as long as you get what you want,” eh?<P>So how did you let it “take you over” as such & screw up so much?<P>Was there always something there “nagging” at you to stop?<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Have you ever had a small bite of say, the most delicious pie you have ever tasted? and there was more but to get it was a big bother? You can taste it. feel it roll on your tongue?<P>This is what is was like. The OM was so irresistable I could "taste" it. I didn't care what it took to get it i was going to ahve it. period. It didn't matter to me the consequences either. Family, friends, husband. <P>The desire took over period. The obsession. The temptation was so bad I had no resistance period. This is how i felt. It was awful but great at the same time.<P>If i could have lived out the secret life and got away with it i would not have stopped. I liked it too much. The OM and everything he had to offer. The things that nagged a little was the wasy i was treating my children. they didn't deserve monster B**** for a mother. A mother that disrespected everything around her, i found that they started to act like me. not good.<P>But, i do know that i do love my H. I just have to keep my eyes focused on God or I am going to head back down that spiraling path to hell on fast wheels.<P>Mercy