<BR>The ow's husband told me that she is basically a nympho. I'm sure that this is one of the biggest reasons for the affair as the ow is so dingy that it couldn't possibly be for intelligence. Even my stbx has said how dumb she is but still continues to carry on the affair with her. <P>Since our divorce is final in about 1 1/2 weeks I don't believe there will be any miraculous change between now and then. They have been living together since Sept. 99 and recently moved apart due to the legal issues in our divorce. Also, they work together. After the divorce they will probably be living together again. I just can't imagine that they haven't worn tired of each other yet with all the contact they have. <P>How many of you think the entire or most of the affair is based on sex? On average how long will sex drive an affair before the excitement wears off?

Yes, I believe affairs can be conducted just on the basis of sex. My H has had a few internet affairs - didn't want to get tangled emotionally, and to some of them he stated up front that he was married and was not seeking a permanent relationship.<P>However, I do believe that physical affairs can lead to emotional commitment. Just as emotional affairs lead to physical ones. Same thing only backwards. If your H is involved in just the excitement part of sex, the union will not/can not last. However, I don't know how long on average these things last and in no way am I an expert. My H's physical encounters were mainly one - three night stands. My guess would be on average one year to 18 months.

In my case, I was seduced by an attractive young woman at the office. She knew about me and the frustration in my marriage from her best friend, a colleague. We flirted, I took her for a ride on my Harley, we talked. She had needs and I had needs. She wrote me a letter (typewritten) a couple days later and it blew me away. The next time we negotiated about having a sexual encounter. I assured her I would not ever leave my wife. She was fine with that. Then we had sex. I liked that a lot. She was a great partner. Then I started to like her, then I liked her a lot. She had all these qualities I had never seen in a woman. She appreciated me and admired me like no woman ever had in my life. In no time at all I became the man she longed for, then I got caught up in the same dangerous game. The end result was that an initial physical affair turned into an emotional affair. She met the needs my wife didn't and off we went. It was a textbook W Harley affair. I read about myself in his books. I probably would still be in it if it wasn't for D-Day (4 months later). I just could not pull myself out of the web. It has become the best and worst times of my life. Right now, it is indeed the worst, a living nightmare. I want my life back. I want my wife back. I want my kids back.

cman2-What happened to make you realize that you finally wanted your wife and kids back? My story is very similar to yours. Only I am the wife and my h is the cheater. He too got involved with a woman he works with. She completly came on to him on a daily basis. She was in a very unhappy marriage and leaned on my husband for support. She is an extremely provacative person and is known as the town tramp. She loves to have men look at her. She has divorced her husband. When I first found out about affair and my h wanted to work things out, she lost it and went crazy and started harrassing us. My husband ended of having her arrested for harrassment. About 4 months later, just when things between h and I were great, she goes out and gets breast implants. What happens then, H goes back to her. I kick him out and said I can no longer live like this. H is now living with her and her kids. He left behind a wonderful marriage and 2 beautiful kids of his own. Divorce is in the works. I will never understand why this happened. My h can't explain it either. He has been the typical cheater in the fact that he claims he's no longer in love with me. I hate that copout. Any ideas as to when and if he will wake up and regret this life decision? Don't think I have much hope for a reconcilation, but I want him to return the person he once was for my kids sake. He's just so lost now.....