I will try not to make this too long but it may be difficult since it's summing up a whole year!<P>Have been separated for one year. H still is supporting us financially. Has been living with a friend for just about 1 year. NO better off emotionally than when he left. Had affair with neighbor also married with children. OW's H aware of affair. H still in contact with OW. Although appears OW not leaving her H after all this time, H still pining in his fantasy land!<P>His entire family tells him what he's done is wrong. He hasn't spoken with is mother in about 1 1/2 months because she voiced her opinion on what he's doing to his life, us etc. Lost a lot of his friends; basically they don't like who he turned out to be. Yes infidelity is quite common but very out of character for my H. He's even said it about himself. But...it happens. When I found out about the affair I was not going to turn my back on my H or my marriage. I wanted to go to counseling and do whatever needed to be done to work on our marriage. He on the other hand refused counseling and basically didn't want to give up the OW; appeared she was more important than a 14 year history with me and our two children.<P>Even after one year he is not taking one ounce of responsibility for what he's done. He'll ask "what about your responsibility?" I ofcourse respond by saying that it was not my decision for him to go and have an affair. He continues to blame me for his affair; says if I treated him better it would have never happened. Aside from this being so far from the truth like everything else he's said lately, that is simply a cheater's excuse because we all know there is no justification for cheating. He has no idea of the pain and devastation I experienced along with our children, parents, siblings etc. It's all "me, me, me". He'll tell me that he's been living like a troll for a year & that "I" made him the talk of the nineties. He doesn't see that he's the one who has continued to come into this neighborhood to walk with the OW and blatently flaunt it! Can't understand why no one likes her...gee maybe because everyone knows she's just as responsible for the break up of our marriage!<P>It's unfortunate but whatever her motive is, she has continuously fabricated and twisted so many things! She's even extended it beyond me; has involved his family members as well. My H has questioned his family members about a specific circumstance that the OW has told him about and there have been cases where another family member was present as well and tells my H that it is not true what the OW said because they were there and they'll tell him how it really happened etc. but he'll believe the OW! Wow! He's mad at the wrong people. Knows darn right well she's not leaving her H but continues to pine. Has no one else really; only talks to three people according to him. Like we're all supposed to have sympathy for someone who cheated, left his family, blatently through it in my face and never showed one speck of remorse! This was his choice! Maybe he doesn't like the repurcussions of his actions and his fantasy didn't pan out. Maybe he hasn't done one thing to pursue this divorce because he's afraid of what's on the other side of the door but is that fair or my problem? No absolutely not. You can only get slapped in the face so much and disrespected. And to not take responsbility for the mess HE created even after a year! I recently asked him when we're going to settle issues about the divorce and the only response I get is "we will" and I'll say when and he'll just say "we will". Truthfully, he won't/can't admit he's wrong, I believe he's mad at himself and the OW but is displacing his aggression on the one's who really care about him. He really needs help but no one can do that except for himself.<P>Is anyone in a similar situation where spouse asked for a divorce and has done nothing to pursue? Any input would be appreciated.<BR>
