W finally gave me number of her and om counselor and I had the oppurtunity to talk to him 3 times this weekend.<BR>He shed a lot of light on my w and her problems and let me know I wasn't the cause of them.<BR>My w has a overwhelming need to be loved and to feel appreciated. He said she is basically a high maintenance person needing constant affirmation that she is loved and cared for. Even the most ardent supplier of these will soon where out and she will again be unhappy. Currently only her job and om are filling this need and he thinks that om will not be able to keep up the pace for that long of time.<BR>Unfortunealtely that doesn't mean she will come back to me as she sees me as not providing her with happiness and us being incompatible. Thus the reason for the divorce proceedings.<BR>The counsleor said I'm not the cause if the affair nor her unhappiness, I just happened to get in the way.<BR>Its still difficult to understand 16+ yrs down the drain but that seems to be the only answer. She has said she doesn't want to work on a new marriage with me because we would still be the same people and that isn't good enough for her.<BR>So I'm going to move on, and try to be the best father I can be. I know I will eventually get over the resentment and bitterness I feel towards her and know in my heart I did everything I could to save our marriage.

I don't post here much, but I've been coming to MB for 2.5 years now. I'm in the same boat you are with my W. It seems they have the same pattern. My W was verbally abused by her father all her life, therefore she is always seeking that attention that probably her father never gave her. When our marriage was too dull for her or she felt that I wasn't enough for her, some clown came behind me and told her what she wanted to hear. My councelor told me that it is common in marriages at the 14-15 year mark, that one partner begins to feel trapped, smothered or something missing in their lives and usually end up having affairs to make themselves feel better. My W is never coming back, but it's her loss. This guy has already abandoned her and the baby twice before with the baby she had with him and he'll probably do it again. Go figure why they retreat to men like him after having a steady, Loyal, trustworhty husband..oh well

RWD, <BR> As you said, you know you have done ALL you could to save this marriage. I too am a high maintence woman, I crave attention and affection, especially from my H, so I know how hard it can be to live with someone like me in that area. Gentlemen, not all women with these problems leave or cheat.Some do, but they will find that the problem is within themselves and that they can't run away from the unhappiness, because they take it with them. I know I was a runner for years, but where ever I went i would show up. Yuck, So I will stay with my h, pray he won't cheat again, and make the best of it, I vowed before God to do this and I will. I hope. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>