I haven't posted in quite some time.Actually things have been pretty well until here lately.<P>Today is my 13th anniversary and I am feeling a little sad.I don't really know if I am just feeling sorry for myself or if I am justified for being sad.<P>My H and I went out to dinner this past Saturday night to celebrate our anniversary.We had a very nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants to celebrate.This was our 2nd anniversary since reconciliation.It was actually the first one that wasnt a disaster also since the reconciliation.The first one we were dealing with the OW saying my H fathered her child.The second one I found out my H and OW were working together and he had not been completely honest with me about it.So needless to say they werent the greatest celebrations.We even actually went out on our anniversary when were separated even though he was living with the OW.There's another big argument.<P>Anyway,I was determined to make this a special anniversary because things have been going rather well for us lately.I cut hair for a living and the tips I make I usually use for my own spending money for things I need.I saved my tips for 2 weeks in order for us to be able to go out and have a nice dinner.I bought my H a gift certificate for a massage because he had been hinting around that he had wanted one.Then today,which is actually our annniversary,I gave him a nice card,made him his favorite dinner,the whole 9 yards.<P>Sounds just wonderful doesnt it?Well,he didn't even as much as give me a card for our anniversary. Maybe I sound very petty but I did all these special things for him and tried to let him know how happy I am that we are together and have made a go of this marrige after his affair.This will be the first time in 13 years he hasn't even given me at least a card for our anniversary.He even gave me one when we had an anniversary when we were separated.I know this probably sounds very stupid but deep down it really hurt me.I was teasing him about it in a joking way and he said"oh I have your card in my truck but I havent gotten it out and brought it in because it is raining.I just laughed it off and didn't show how hurt I was.<P>I guess it's not just the anniversary thing.I think this is the straw that broke the camel's back.Here lately I feel as though I am just giving and giving and he is just taking and taking.I am all the time doing all kinds of things to make his life easier or to show him how much I care for him.I will just name a couple of things I have done just in the last week.There are 2 nights I work until 8 pm.I either make dinner before work or I stop and pick something up for us so he doesn't have to cook.He needed some new shoes so I picked him up some even though we really didn't have the extra money.He collects hotwheels and I am constantly picking him up some here and there for his collection.He loves wrestling and watches it at least 4 times a week.I hate it but i sacrifice for him and sit and watch it with him just so we can be together.Even though he doesnt speak a word to me while it is on at least we are in the same room.I am constantly running to the post office for him to mail things he has to mail for his job.Just today I went to the DMV to pay a fine for him because he got a traffic ticket and didnt pay it.He got a new truck a month ago and washes it very often as he is so proud of it.I watched him washing it with rags and picked him a big sponge to wash it with.He always has clean clothes to wear,has a hot meal on the table everynight and comes home to a clean house everyday.Anytime he wants sex, i am willing.Don't get me wrong.I do all of these things because I love this man more than anything and want this marriage to work.I guess I am feeling just a little slighted.Or like I said,maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself.<P>I know you are supposed to do these things out of love and not expect anything in return.But I just feel after all I have been through I deserve a little more.We actually had a little disagreent about taxes the other night.We filed seperately the last 2 years and he has already done his and gotten his money back.He never even did mine last year.He did finally do this years federal on the 17th.I hate feeling like a nag,but I feel like I do everything around here for H and my children and when I ask for somehting in return I am just being a nag.<P>I have tried talking to him about all of this but it always ends up in an argument.So I just zip my lip and suck it in.I guess I just needed to get it all out so here I am.<P>Today,I held my H and told him how much he means to me and how glad I am that we are together.........he left my anniversary card in his truck because it was raining.I know I sound ridiculous but I just feel very hurt,unappreciated,and not loved very much right now.<P>There was a time when I would have felt he was up to his old tricks again.I really dont feel that way now.I just feel he is really being unsensitive to my needs right now.But I dont dare say anything or else I am complaining or nagging.<P>Sorry so long.......Just had to get it out somewhere.Thanks for listening.<P><P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.

Help......any advice my friends?<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.

Swttmy<BR>Hi - not much advice - just hate to see a post unanswered. I am far from recovery, but a special "recovery area" has recently been added to the board (I haven't figured out how to do that cool hyperlink thing - but go back to the forums listings and look for the "in recovery" title).<P>I do know that you are not alone in experiencing these recovery blues. Maybe you will gain some insight from some of the others over there.<P>Starpony

Thanks for the reply starpony.But I think 2 years is just too long to be going through the "recovery blues".<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.

HI Tammy,<BR> I'm sorry you're feeling down. Our A was Oct 20th and W was/is living with OM. We talked for 4 hours and she took THAT time to remind me of all the BAD things I had done!! I had to suck it up wanting to tell her what she was/is doing makes her ahead a HUNDRED THOUSAND pain points. I cried, she kept it up. Finally she cried too and said she was sorry. Too late, my heart was a MESS!! It was BAR NONE the WORST night of my life!!<BR> The reason I told you this is because we ALL need to count our blessings TOO!<BR> Be glad he's there. Don't expect too much. Two years is a long time but don't give up 15 minutes before the miracle happens. PRAY that God puts his hand on your H's heart and FINALLY fixes your marriage FOR GOOD. <BR> Have you guys done the His Needs/Her Needs thing? Ask him to do it again and ask him to stick to it this time. <BR> GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>