I thought things were going well between H and myself.<P>I had told H that i loved him, and asked him if he would give me the opportunity to be the wife he always wanted.H said I am giving you that opportunity now.<P>Later i called him from work to ask him what he meant.<BR>H said dont read anything into it.I said will you be there emotionally for me,H said he would.I said I didnt deserve a second chance,and he said that I did.<P>I was feeling so good and hopeful.<P> When I got home from work my 16 year old son told me that H was on line talking to OW at the same time he was talking to me on the phone. <P>I wish H would break off the relationship with OW.It seems like all my efforts to meet his emotional needs is not working, or not working as fast as I would like.<P>Tommorow, when he comes home in the morning from work, I will have to act like nothing has happened.When I really want to ask him does he know how much pain he has caused me,and to beg him to give up other woman.Please advise, encourage,share,with me,is there light at the end of the tunnel?bethn

Yes... beth...<P>There can be light at the end of the tunnel...<BR>There are success stories out there...<BR>see <B>lostva</B>'s posts "In recovery".<P>Your situation reminds me of <B>Patient Love</B>'s posts (with her h...<B>Arik</B>). Patient Love <B>was</B> patient!<P>I know that sounds hard...<P>Are you practicing the "I feel..." approach to communicating with your H... instead of " I will have to act like nothing has happened."?<P>I'm still praying for you!<P> <P>Jim

Hi Jim,<P>I am so distressed over this I Have only slept 2 hours.<P>If I tell H "Dave" how I feel when he is talking to OW wont that be LBing.I try not to show my negative feelings because I think that would make him feel uncomfortable.In SAA <BR>in the example of Jon and Sue "He did evrything he could to avoid Withdrawing love units.Jon made every effort to avoid angry outbursts,disrespectful judgements,and demands,even when he knew Sue was lying to him and sneaking out to be with Greg.<P>If I tell H how I feel wont that make him feel uncomfortable and therefore be a LB?<P>I am disheartened that Dave would be so insensitive as to carry on a conversation with OW while Son Is in the same room trying to eat dinner.My prayer to you Jim, and to all other faithful spouses.bethn

beth,<P>Only you can judge if the "I feel..." approach is a love buster...<BR>...for some it will be...<BR>...for others not.<P>Maybe... try it once... if it has a negative impact... stay away from it.<P>A good post was <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/002461.html" TARGET=_blank>To, Sir Hurts Alot</A>...where it is recommended you don't do it...<BR>...but I'd say you have to be judge of that.<P>One love bust does not a relationship destroy...though many will set you back greatly.<P>I'm praying for you... <P>Jim

Hi beth,<P> Sorry you are having a bad night. I know how you feel. We went to MILs yesterday and H went to the store and was gine for 1 1/2 hours. Drives me crazy, did he go see OW? I am trying to stop snooping but couldn't resist seeing that he made his purchase 15 min into this time.<P> I also told MIL that we were having some difficulties, nothing about OW.<P> I keep trying to do plan A. It is so hard to try and make interesting conversation to someone who has no interest in what you say.<BR>Hang in there and I will too. Keep strong and become a better person for you.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora,<P>I am glad for your friendship.Iam glad you are going to keep trying In your last post I thought you had Given up. Lets support eachother.Dumb question what is MIL.I had all these good plan A's for today ,(cleaning , cooking) I am so upset I have blown the whole day. I have to make myself get off of MB!<P>PS my H works at the airport too.

Hi jim,<P>I talked to Dave this AM. He was not happy. I asked him if I could be his best friend, he said he didnt have one.Then I said isnt OW best friend,(that was stupid) , He shook his head yes. Iasked him if I could be he best friend,he reluctantly agreed.<P>H has a hard time being totally honest with me.<P>I am anxious to read lostva's posts.Got to work on Daves en now,domestic support. My prayers to you.bethn

Beth,<P>MIL=mother in law<P> Sorry if I seemed to be giving up, seems I do that about once a day and once a day make a new resolution to be strong and plan A till I drop. <P> Do you think we should email each other too? My address is Lorabell13@aol.com<P> Hang in there, I'm going to bake a rhubarb crisp.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora,<P>My son wants to use computer,so I just have time to send my address.Bethfn@aol.com bethn

beth,<P>Any and all topics that include the OW have to be eliminated...<BR>...they are most definitely Love Busters!<P>If you need to find out the other kind of acronyms ===> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000008.html" TARGET=_blank>Acronyms, Smilies, UBB Codes</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Well, I guess since you guys are talking about me, I might as well show up, huh?<P>Hi, Beth. How're you feeling?<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{beth}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Here are a few hugs to get you through this rough day.<P>This is a hard and bumpy ride, Sweetie, and it's gonna take all you've got to get through it. But look, he's home with you. You have a chance that a lot of us don't have to deposit a WHOLE bunch of units in that love bank.<P>Now, you've asked a pretty good question. About talking to him, I mean. Well, it's kinda like this. It's a pretty individual thing. I realized right at the beginning that it was to my advantage NEVER to mention us or PT to Robert. Never means never. He wasn't ready to hear it, didn't want to hear it, made him feel guilty. In other words, remember what Jim says....although Harley advises to talk "without disrespectful judgements, etc", your SPOUSE determines what is a lovebuster and what isn't! So that's what has to be your guide.<P>For us, that meant, small talk, laughing, flirting (on my end with NO encouragement, I might add) and nothing else whatsoever. In fact, the first conversation we had about "us" was on the day he asked to come home - AFTER he asked and he started it.<P>So, follow your instincts and read your H. As hard as it is, it is NOT impossible to build your loveband and not talk about the marriage. Hey, look at us!!! We're doing great!<P>Good luck. And hang in there. None of this is fast, you know. We're here for you.<P>hugs and prayers,<P>Lori