Hey Yall <P>I am going insane here. I had a great sales day Tuesday. However, that was it. I greived about OM the last half of the day. I callled my sis. I am supposee to call her when teh urge strikes me to contact. She told me to meet her at Wal Mart. On my way to Wal-mart. The police had went flying into this driveway. Tehy blocked the road. So I pulled in the driveway of a friend of H and I. Actually, the guy that introduced H and I. I have known him for years. So I talk to him for a few minutes. He is getting married. He just redone his house. He wanted me to go in and look at it. So I did. I tool my cell phone just in case H called me. H called and I was talking to him. We were all 3 actually talking. I told H I would be home in a little while. Well I left the friends house and went to Wal-Mart to meet my sis. We talked and acted like stupid 16 year old sisters. <P>When I got home last night I was so depressed. I was sondering to myself why I had to "always hold this marriage together". Then H is cleaning the house. I signed on the computer. LIKE I HAVE NEVER CLEANED THE HOUSE AND HE SIGN ON THE COMPUTER. He got upset and started babling about me signing on. So I started crying. I said "What do you want me to do?" He said "Vacuum" so I done that. The whole time of course I am thinking of the times, that I had to clean the house that he did help. <P>So then I got int he tub. He comes in there and says "Did anything happen between you and Rod?" I was like "WHAT?" He said "Well Renee, I dont trust you anymore" I was like "OK" I said "Honey you know that I would never" He said "Well, I didnt think you and _______, would ever either" By this time I am fuming!!!!! I said "Well, he was just filling a need that you werent" <P>I dont think I can do this. I keep thinking it will get better. I still have the lonliness feeling. I am at the point now to just stay married and live my own life again.<P>I wish H knew what I went through to come back home. I wish he knew the hell it was in getting over OM. Keep in mind. H had no idea of the EA. I told him about it. H didnt get on here and post post post. I did. H didnt read and read about MB. I did. H didnt want to get in counseling. I did. So I have just actually held this thing together for the last 5 years. He did hold it the first year. I didnt want to be married then. THis is to much for any person the bear. <P>My family desires your prayers<BR>Renee

Pray that the Lord jus lift me up. I know this is Satan trying to get in this marriage again.<P>Renee

Renee...I can truly empathize with what you are going through. Maybe it's the full moon. I, too, have been drowning in my sorrow for the OM. I question my sanity...I never even physically met this person, but the withdrawl has been crippling. It hurts even more because though the OM swore his devotion, he seems to have moved on rather nicely. <P>I tried to hold my marriage together for 15 years...I think I just ran out of gas. My family hates my H for what he has done to my children and the hurt he has heeped on me over the years. Even through all of this, I suggested counseling...we went and my H walked out. We are going again, but this time because I am concerned about my H's parenting when I am not around. I have filed for divorce because I know I can't go on living like I was and it just seems to get worse. I can't get the OM out of my head and please, someone tell me how you can fix a marriage when you are in love with someone else? It is a lot to bear and there are days, I don't think I can go on, but I do. I have two children I have to take care of...so I keep plugging away.<P>I will pray for you. I can only imagine how hard this is, though I do have an idea. My affair was not physical, and I am grateful it didn't progress to that; I don't know how I would handle that. The EA was bad enough and there are times I don't think I will ever recover. But, you said you love your H, so that should help you get through this. I feel no love for my H at this point, so you are in a better place. Be strong.<P>

Definitely the Full Moon has something to do with it.... In the same boat here!<P>Renee, you knew this was going to happen eventually. They will never fully trust us again. All you can do is try to be calm and tell him when he asks you those things that nothing happened and you understand why he feels that way. <P>If you are this much of a mess now... imagine what will happen if you do it again? Don't even think like that. It's time for you to get that strength back and ignore OM and keep busy and STAY THE HE!! away from those places that are dangerous. Anywhere that he could possibly be. Stay away from those friends of his too. This only makes things worse....obviously...<P>I know you have it in you. You were strong and avoided it before and it felt good didn't it? Now get yourself back on track and remember that your H needs to vent things too. Next time, take the opportunity to discuss things with him while he is willing to open up!<P>Take care... <P><BR>

I think that you are focusing too much on how this OM made you feel (rejected, used, etc.)<P>Why not start focusing on what your EA has done to your H. I don't know if he is the type who shows his true feelings, but I'm sure that deep inside, he is hurting too. He just doesn't know how to deal with it.<P>Us betrayed, can tell when our spouses are distracted. From your recent posts, you have definitely been distracted and I have a feeling that your H senses that.<P>That's why he is feeling so insecure. I'm sure that he has a lot of resentment too.<BR>

You gusy are right. I had a little better day today. H and I are going to talk tonight. I have a dinner appointment with him. I just need lots of prayers. The thought of OM is getting less and less. <P>Lacee,<BR>Gal! Where have you been hiding? I have missed ya. I need those uplifting emails.<P>Lonely Soul,<BR>HONEY! I know it is hell. And as far as the love for my H. I was once in your boat as well. I didnt think that I has any left in me as well.<BR>Your situation may be different though. My H had done alot to me mentally. The mental abuse was unbelievable. I had 2 nervous breakdowns due to it. But, I still feel in my heart that this is the thing to do. My H has changed dramatically. You could not imagine the change. You can get attached to someone like that your OM. I can see that happening. I first talked to my OM on the phone all the time. So it was emotional at first. <BR>I will keep you in my prayers. You can mail me at Rpstyle@aol.com. Make sure you post that it is you though. That way I wont delete it. LOL! I would love to help you through this. Lacee was a HUGE help for me. Thank God she was going through withdrawal at the same time I was. <BR>TAke CAre<BR>Renee<P>Thanks<BR>Renee

Renee and Lonelysoul,<P>Please don't misunderstand.... I haven't gotten through this yet... I suffer the withdrawls daily just as you do. There is a certain time of the day that just seems to drag by for me.... it is the time of day we use to talk on the phone the most.... And don't think I don't want to pick up that phone and call him! Especially on the days that my H is treating me like crap..... It is VERY hard not to! But I know what I would feel like afterwards...so I don't do it....<P>Remember.... My affair was physical and lasted a year and a half. It was an EA up until then. I have known him two years this month.<P>The OM in my life seems to have moved on quite nicely also.... EXCEPT....every now and then he will contact me by leaving a message on my business cell phone and that makes things worse. <P>He'll tell me... "I miss you"... "I still love you"... I wish things were different"...."I was just remembering this time last year when we...." but it is only occassionally... but it is very difficult when a message catches me off guard like that...<P>He has a VERY strong hold over me (But don't let him know it)... He has a very dominate, yet charming personality... and he knows how to work my emotions.... BUT.... I haven't seen him in months! And he hasn't tried to see me again since the last time he surprise visited me. He does live 2 hours away and that is a big help. <P>Anyway.... I am with you both... and the others here who are still putting up with the withdrawls... I do feel strong... and I am trying very hard.... and I know that this will get better... Everyday that passes... makes me feel stronger.....I focus on my H...and my Children.... and work...<P>Lonelysoul, Renee has my e-mail address... if you want it... send her an e-mail and ask for it.... <P>So, if either of you need to talk sometime.... on one of those especially bad days... I am more than happy to listen....and I hope you would do the same for me....<P>Take care and BE TOUGH! <P>

You were having a bad day, and I'm sure your husband sensed your feelings - and misinterpreted them, and I'm sure what he really wanted to say to you when you were in the tub was:<P>"I can sense a valley happening right now between us. It makes me feel very insecure. I need to be able to be the person that you want to share your entire feelings, life, hopes, dreams, etc. with".<P>But, your husband doesn't have the skills to say that yet. But, instead he noticed something was wrong, and he lashed out of his pain.<P>Although you cannot wave a magic wand over his head and help him learn communication skills, you can learn better communication skills.<P>You can say - I think you feel some sort of detachment with me today, I think you feel that I am having a bad day. Do you? I know that I am having a bad day, and I want to be able to express myself to you, and get closer to you, but I haven't figured out how to do that with you yet. I promise to share my feelings with you honestly tomorrow when I am feeling better, can you wait that long? I am assuring you, today, I did not have any inappropriate contact with our friend, and I am still committed to our marriage.<P>Try that next time? See if that helps?<BR>TNT

Misery loves company, so thank you Lacee and Inamess for your support. I am a sorry soul these days. I fell of the wagon and emailed the OM this morning. I know it was stupid because he will not respond and that in itself will make me feel worse. I know he is trying to resolve his own issues and I really want him to, but I was selfish and did it anyhow. Perhaps I only wanted to inflict torture on myself. <P>Being at work for me is like visiting the scene of a terrible accident. Most of the communication took place at work, so its lousy being there every day. After two long months, I keep waiting to wake up one morning and to feel normal like I use to. I imagine part of my problem is that my own marriage is over. We have talked until I can't talk anymore, we have done counseling, but nothing has changed. Things are worse and divorce is pending. I know I need to move on without the OM-without any man. I certainly don't need to complicate my life anymore then it already is. It is unhealthy. I just am so depressed since he has gone. I am more depressed that he seems to be the only betrayer on the planet who from the looks of things has experienced 0 withdrawl. So, I beat myself up on that issue too, even though it is completely silly and ilogical to do so. Anyway, I am just ranting because I am so disappointed in myself. Maybe I got it out of my system. I pray I did and don't give in to temptation again. <BR>

Ladies,<P>Boy, Can I ever relate. I know the feeling. It will get better. <BR>As we all three know. The contact only makes it worse. I have now made the promise to myself of no contact. THe OM CAN ROT IN HELL!!!!!!! Now that wasnt christian like was it. Im sorry for that. I just had to vent it. <BR>Im praying for the both of you.<BR>Renee<P>LS,<BR>Im here girl! Lay it all on my email address. Ill talk to ya. LAcee made me stronger!! God love her heart. <P>

Hi, guys, I don't post to everyone these days, but I do read a lot and thought I'd jump in here for just a thought or two.<P>I guess this is just a little extra "atta boy" for all of you who are going through withdrawal. I genuinely feel for your suffering and wish you much strength, love and peace. You're doing a wonderful thing that takes a great deal of courage and I admire you for that.<P>I'd like to address one statement, however. "They'll never trust us again." Not true. I really don't believe it's true. Granted it may take time, more for some of your spouses than for others. They feel you have demonstrated that during a period of great stress, you could not be trusted. Now you are proving that you CAN. And that will sink in as well. Just give your spouses the time it takes for THEM to heal. And, you know what? Once you are through withdrawal, their healing will progress much much faster. And the trust will return, sooner than you expect.<P>On a personal note. Robert and I are recovering nicely and he works with PT. Everyday, same jobsite. And I do NOT worry. OK, so I worry what she's gonna do next - she's been a bit of a pill, but it's mostly just annoying and inconvenient, but I don't worry about him and his committment to me. And, for the past few days, he's been working for a company whose owner once asked him out, knowing he was married. Surprisingly enough, I haven't worried about that either. He's open and honest with me and I KNOW that he's dedicated to us and our marriage. Like he put it one day "You can count on the fact that I'll never do anything to compromise our marriage again. We have been blessed with so much, the most important is a love that has lasted through tremendous difficulties. I'll never take it for granted again." And I do trust him. So, take heart. Trust will return. You'll see it happening.<P>Keep up the good work, ok? You're doing a great job.<P>Love and hugs to you.<P>Lori<P>

Thank you for the words of encouragement lostva.... You have no idea what that means to me... I appreciate it and will hang on to that hope...when the day comes that he knows...<P>I am so happy for you and the way things are going in your marriage.... You are a very strong woman... congratulations to the both of you....<P>inamess.... you are very sweet to give me so much credit and I thank you. But remember.... it was your own strength that pulled you through.... I can only give you encouragement.... and you should be proud of yourself like I am proud of you....<P>Lonelysoul.... you are not the only one to have fallen off the wagon and we do understand.... Hang in there! Time will help you heal... and that is the hardest thing... <P>One day at a time girl! Respect yourself! Be patient and stubborn and don't let him know that you are thinking of him.... that is what will get to him more than anything... him thinking you don't care... so try... very hard to let it go... (I know that it isn't easy!! I really do!)<P>Keep in touch and let me know how you both are doing.... Good luck to you....<BR>