I went to the airport to go to my Uncles funeral. H works at the airport as does OW. I was waiting for my flight and for H to see me off. I saw a woman cleaner that I had a feeling was OW. When my H came out she waved at him and he ignored her. I was very tempted to ask him if it was her, but thought it would be a LB. So now I have a face to put with the name. She was older than I thought, but has a better figure than me. I'm not even sure it was her, but I am going to obsess over her. I got back yesterday and H was as remote and cold as usual. I had left him the letter about how I wanted to work on our marriage and meet his needs, and got no response. <BR> This is so hard, I'm not sure how much longer I can go on in plan A Lora

Lora,<BR>I do understand your feelings. This is the hardest part of all this hell to me. There is no right or wrong answer to your question. You have to do what feels right to you.

Hang in there, Lora.<P>It's not easy. <P>That very well might have been OW. It's no fun to run into them. And no fun when the spouse just doesn't get it.<P>Good luck in whatever you decide. --HBC

Lora,<BR>I remember the first time I saw the OW....I thought my heart was going to explode. She was tan....had this wonderful figure....blonde hair...just perfect.<P>Well then I saw her in court months later. She was nothing like I remembered. She was older....dumpier.....heavier....uglier. Maybe she looked like that when I saw her the first time....but I was so low that I chose to see her as this "Baywatch" woman instead of what she really looked like.<P>It is hard to see the OW. You sometimes start noticing all of your own "flaws" because there has to be something...some reason he chose her over you. But after a while.....maybe time helps.....you realize it has nothing to do with your looks.....your personality....nothing. It has to do with HIM.<P>Someone once told me to write down everything positive about yourself.....and look at it everyday. Look in the mirror everyday and see something good about yourself....and tell yourself. At first it feels goofy...but it does work.<P>You are a beautiful person.....you are a good person.....and you deserve to be treated with respect.<P>I am sorry I can't be of more help.<P>Nancy

Vicki,<BR> Thanks for the support. It does help to know I am not alone as I go through this.<P>HBC<BR> Funny how I saw this woman and just had a strong feeling it was her, then my H came out and she waved. I guess it could be just another co-worker. I am going to continue with my plan A, but try and stop worrying about H, his every mood and his reaction to me.<P>Nancy,<BR> I appreciate that you took time to write to me when I know you are going through alot too. All of us desearve better.<BR> To tell you the truth I had a vision of her as beautiful, young, blond, special. I was glad to see someone, not too young, kind of hard looking, a normal person with flaws, not a goddess. I hope she saw me hug my H and starts to see me as a real person too.<BR> I will start my positives list tomorrow. I am to write it for my counseler this week and I am having a hard time thinking of what is good about me, but after talking to you good people this week I am almost ready to beleive there are some things to put on it.

Lora,<BR>Lets start:<P>You love....unconditionally<BR>You are forgiving<BR>You work hard at things that mean something to you<BR>You don't give up<BR>You are honest<BR>You are beautiful...inside and out<BR>You are able to receive love as well as give it<BR>

gee Nancy, don't make me cry so early in the morning. Thank you for the kind words. I will put them on my list and work on believing them. I certainly hope they are on your list too along with you are generous and giving, thoughtfull and supportive.<BR>Lora