jnvc,<P>I read your question to me on the Hokiemoma thread. I am just going on my situation. My H told me lastnight that he had forgiven OM. That Om would take care of his own situation. I was so proud of H. <BR>Anyway, I agree with the pastor. I wouldnt take the child off the team due to what the adults done. <BR>However, I could not even begin to imagine having that contact with him. I would be NUTS!!!!!! As I said I am basing this on me. I was very much in love with the OM. I could never do it. To me that is a slap in the face. I dont want to make you leary of her. I would strongly suggest that she account for the time!!! If I were in her shoes. I would be in contact. That is all I can say. I couldnt imagine a long talk on the phone. I would be right back in love with him. That is just me though. <BR>Im sure your W is a very good woman. I dont want to say anything here to hurt anyone. I would be listening and watching though. If my OM was at a game. My mind would be going crazy.. Im sure other betrayers would say the same. It is almost impossible.<BR>Hope that helps!!!<BR>Let me know how it is going<BR>Renee

Dear Inamess,<BR>Well that's why I guess this great forum is here, so we can "bounch" thoughts and Ideas off of each other and of course PRAY about them, I do. <BR>Re phone, they are not allowed to talk to each other unless I am present, they don't.<BR>There was a verifiable true accidental phone call the OM made and got my W instead of me.<BR>We switched cellphones and he didn'tknow.<BR>I was at a game and our sons were playing etc..he wanted a status called and got her at home. Cell was in the house and on. Instead of saying oops gota go, they talked for 5 min. I saw the bill. I had to sit there with my watch and just see how long 5 min was. Wow. She admitted that she was sort of down cuz i was out of town at the game, and he called at the wrong time. that was back on 2/27. We got it all talked out, <BR>RE the EA/ feeed back requested.<BR>Not sure how much I put in my profile but here are a few more details to help the feed back come...<BR>EA was late last Aug/early Sept D-day was 9/8 , I found it in email. W told me all. I had to know every detail, I got them. They only met twice, the 2nd time got physical inre to kissing/hugs/ intitmate directed sex talk, started and perpetuated by the OM, surprize there eh? My W....My W admitted when w/ OM, it was a fantasy land. She said that he told her several times after that meet that "he loved her" she never said it back, actually told him he was infatiuated, not love. <BR>They talke lots betwwen 9/2 ( meeting) and <BR>9/8 D-day. Phone bills reveal it all.<BR>Had a great 40-50 day withdrawl time, one<BR>phn call by the OM 3 wks into it, got it all squared away, back on track. <BR>The sports team thing is back, it looks like we will be on the same team again. <BR> I forget what I wrote in the past thread about recent events so excuse me if I repeat myself.<BR>My W has never told me she "loved" him, I know it was the "emotional love" that she had, I base this on a series of specific questions I asked over a period of 2 months, last Oct into Dec, I could tell she knew many details about him and his kids, I figure she had imagined what it would have been like to be the new Mrs. OM. The EA from start to Dday was about 30 days max. They met at practices during last summer.<BR>I compare. I asked and she told some of the things she liked about him, mistake. <BR>traits, self confident, financially better off than we are, security$$, in a related business that she does, I am always thinking<BR>now what I can do to make myself more appealing than him, not physically but others areas. <BR>I suspect if we went with NO CONTACT that would deminish. Its so weird, even he said with a regretful tone back in Nov99 when I talked with him at first, he admitted that he had blown it and that he very likely destroyed what could have been a good friendship between the 4 of us! Again, he has been totally submissive to whatever I say, <BR>We have a counseling session on Tue, first for her , 2nd for me. This is in addition to our 3 we had w/ our pastor at the begining. <BR>I am still thinking about the right thing to do, let you know how it goes. <BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc

Jnvc,<P>OH! I understand now! If we are going to look at it and be "Just like Jesus". Then what would we do? I say forgive and let die. You will be able to tell is she is having secret contact. She will totally distance herself from you. You probably already know this. The 30-50 withdrawal time should tell you how emotional it was. I am at the end of withdrawal. Im in a bucket with my fingers holding the edge ttying to pull myself up.<BR>Ill be praying for you. I hope all goes well. Im sure it will. Thank God she saw the light. I was the very same way. God put in on my heart to go back home. I guess just use the theory "Just like Jesus".<P>Renee

Inamess,<BR>when was your d-day? <BR>Do you mean WWJD? what would Jesus do? <BR>The OM is not a "bac" , you never think that being a bac it would happen to you. I have since found out there is nothing the evil loves more than to bring down a believer. <BR>He didn't win with us, although...this contact issue ...I am still wrestling with it, what to do, I see the point made about the being distance, that had not happened at all, She has admitted to a problem with her<BR>pride, duh. Is what sometimes prevents her form being transparent and tell me about her <BR>feelings...its guilt and rationalizations...<BR>Next time to be around the OM will be 4/29 at more kids sports team tryouts for next years team. keep you posted.<BR>jnvc<BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc

jnvc,<P>What is d-day? LOL! I ended contact with OM on New Years Eve. The same night I told H about the affair. <BR>You can say WWJD as well. After the book Just Like Jesus (Max Lucado). I try to look at it in that perspective. That is my goal here. I try to keep that in my mind. I want to be just like him. <BR>You are so right about evil. Satan loves to bring a battle on for believers. We call that Satan sending out his little foxes. My pastors brother preached on that one day. He said that Satan can be in your home before you know it. You have to keep your eyes peeled. It is like a fence around us and he sends his little foxes in. As they dig their way underneath the fence. once you think about it that is how it happens. It starts so small. If you allow it to happen. Then it is a big thing. So, when I have a thought of OM. I look at it as him sending a fox in. LOL! Or if I am having alot of self-doubt. H says I am my own worst enemy. That I allow evil to beat me down. Of course that is what he wants. <BR>Ill keep your family in my prayers. I know that God will take care of it. <BR>God is so amazing. My H had no idea of the affair. I was so confused and messed up that I didnt know which end was up. I hit my knees New Years Eve. I told God that I would do what he wanted. I DONT JUST THAT!!!! <BR>It was on my heart so bad to tell H. Of course that was after I found this site. That was the first thing they told me to do. Tell about teh affair. I normally would have said "Are you insane?". I didnt that night. I walked out of my office in the family room and said "It is New Years Eve, I think it time to put this year behind us." H said "yes we need to" Then of course I went hysterical and told him. <BR>I could not begin to tell anyone about the sigh of releif I felt that night. Even if i did destroy my H. Then I of course told the OM the followong Monday when he got to work. He liked to have hit the floor. I didnt care at that time. I was on a mission. It was to save the precious love that God had given us. I have to pray for strength. Through out the day I will find my mind wondering. Especially when I am on the road. I am an outside sales rep. So I have alot of time in the car alone with a cell phone. Which is not a good thing going into withdrawal. Thank God im about to fly with that. I feel now that I have the wings. I am just learning to fly with them. Ill take off one day. <BR>I have a hard time dealing with myself. I never ever ever thought this would happen to me. I always thought this only happened to trash. BOY, WAS I WRONG!!! <BR>When they say it happens innocently. It does. I never had any idea of what hit me. All I knew was I was in love. <P>Ill keep you on my prayer list.<P>PRAYERS<BR>Renee

inamess,<BR>(Renee)<BR>Thanks again, I like the mental image you gave about the foxes, good word picture to keep, when you feel Satan is tempting or other stuff. My W has not been on the forum,<BR>I might print out your last post and have her read it, I have read in here that one of the important issues especially for a betrayer to do is have accountability. My W has me, since I talk/see/email the OM several times a month, he sort of has me, cuz I will tell his W if he messes up. But...since its been so long since D-Day ( Day of discovery ) and I had to open my mouth and tell him I would not tell his W if he left mine alone, I don't know what I was thinking, but going back on my word, is just something that makes me cringe. Even for this, I do struggle when I am with the OM's W , I look at her and just get this feeling of sorry of her, this is why I am thinking of creating more and more distance between us rather than befriending them, even though he has been 100% agreeable to whatever, he still got off scott free , no pain of seeing his wife go thru what I went through and work thru and come out better, <BR>I don't know. Them not being bac (born again Christians) I don't know how she would react. They have 3 great kids. Amazing how the brain disengages when lust/emotions take over.<BR><P>------------------<BR>jnvc