I Really messed up last night. Me and my wife had agreed not to talk about our situation very much at home, but last night we did. It wasn't really a discusion but more of an argument. We both regret doing that to each other because we both know it is very painful for each other.<P>It all started when I wanted to discuss what me and the councelor had talked about.I had a panic attack on Wed. night and that is what me and the councelor mostly talked about.I had never had one before, so it was very scary for me and my wife. We talked for a few minutes and she said that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. Of course I didn't listen and kept pushing the subject until she got upset at something I said. I told her my honest opinion about her and OM but didn't put it very nicely. She got very upset and stormed off but I would not let it go. I appoligized and we continued to talk but in a toned down manner. <P>We have strongly agreed to keep our promises to each other about only talking about this with each other if we both agree. If not, let the other know, and we can talk about it later at a better time when we can both handle it emotionaly. I know that she is very unstable at this time and I never meant to hurt her feelings. I just have so many feelings and emotions that I have to keep inside that I want to let them out. I don't have anyone to talk to about this but the councelor and that is only once a week. I am trying not to talk too much with my parents because it makes my wife uncomfortable when I do. This is why I had the panic attack. All of the feelings that I had been holding in for the past two weeks while starting Plan A finaly came out all at once.<P>My wife is now on this site and seeking advice like me. I am thankful that she is doing this. It shows her that she is not alone in the way she feels. It also does the same for me. I would like to thank all of you for offering the help you have. It has been a great comfort to me for the past few weeks and I hope that my wife can find that same kind of comfort in the advice all of you give.<P>If anyone has any ideas on how to keep from LB in such bad ways, PLEASE HELP!!!!<P>Again, Thanks to all of you!!!!!<P>THIS IS FULGORE, NOT ATACROSSROAD. I AM ON MY WIFES LAPTOP AND HER NAME WAS SAVED ON THE SCREEN AND I DID NOT KNOW IT. SORRY FOR THE CONFUSION.<p>[This message has been edited by AtACrossroad (edited April 21, 2000).]

Fulgore:<P>I know it's hard not to LB sometimes. Try not to dwell too much on the past (last night), instead think pf ot as a learning experience.<P>You need to vent your feelings sometimes. Maybe posting here before a major talk with your wife might help. I'm guessing that not talking to your parents made it harder for you.<P>Other than that, stopping and counting to ten and remembering what your goal is are the only other suggestions I have.<P>Good luck! --HBC

Fulgore I agree with HBC, we all try hard not to LB, but sometimes it just happens, and when it does the best thing is to view it as a small bump that you can overcome.<P>SOmetimes it's easier to avoid LBs than others.<P>It helped me to really think before talking, and keeping in mind that we were both hurting a lot, we didn't need to add more pain to it.<BR>Sometimes I would blurt out something and I could see right away it was not the best time for it, or the best thing to say. Apologising for bringing it up would work sometimes. Refusing to enter into an argument would work other times. Get something to do, before even saying something used to work even better.<P>When I really had to say something, I tried to choose a calm setting, a time that was relaxed and I did try to keep in mind that if it turned out it wasn't the best time for it, I would leave it for a while.<P>Many of the things I needed to say or ask, I wrote them down in a little book. This way I was able to get them of my chest, with the added bonus that later when it was safer to discuss those things with my H, I would give it to him.<P>Which is what happened, after we were in recovery for a while, and when it wasn't as painful to bring it up.<P>We're doing fine, two years after the whole mess started, and we did discuss most things I needed to discuss. It just took some time until we could discuss it safely, without hurting each other and without my H feeling he needed to defend himself.<P>Take care<BR>kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.

Hi Fulgore -<P>Kat..you read my mind again!!! LOL!!<P>Fulgore, listen to Kat....absolutely start writing things down!!! Get them off your chest and let it help with sorting it all out in your head!!!<P>Perhaps AtACrossroad can do the same....<P>It is so much relieve on your stress levels when you can release the pressure of needing to say things. <P>In time, perhaps you can either share your journals or start writing letters to each other that can ease you both into being able to handle the face to face emotions.....<P>It's also a good practice in that it will hinder any inclinations to "avoid" communication....<P>Good Luck and God Bless you both - <P>Big Hugs,<P>Sheba