Jim, <BR><BR>Thank you so much for your feedback. -And the infor re plan A. I understand much better now. <BR><P><BR>I definitely love my H. I am trying not to do any Love Busting. Saturday I assured hime again that I still cared very much and was not ready to agree to a divorce. (Much to his dismay.) OW asked her estranged SO if I was upset Sunday. Likely, H has told her things are 'moving on'. <BR><P><BR>Have contacted attorney, (H not aware> ), just to know the legal ramifications of situation. <BR><BR>I need to be prepared if things change. However, I am also prepared to go the 'long haul' as I feel we have much to offer each other. I am working very hard on the things I am aware moved him in this direction. I do feel sure H has definite interest in 'playing the field.'<BR><P><BR>Meanwhile, I am also involved in another community theatre with a very good friend(lady) who was around for the entire courtship and marriage. I am so thankful for strong support. Also, I am sooooooooooooglad I discovered Marriage Builders. I had purchased SURVIVING AN AFFAIR several weeks ago and have read it at least twice, with more to come, I'm sure.<BR><P><BR>Hope things are better for you as well.<BR><P><BR>Committed <P>------------------<BR>Committed

Time will try your patience... believe me...<P>Trust in the Lord...<BR>...His ways aren't easy...<BR>...but they're the right ways.<P> <P>Jim

I know the Lord is in charge, I just pray I can know clearly His will.<BR><P><BR>H is pushing again. I may have done an LB, as I reminded him to review what the Bible says about adultery. He is excited I was cast in the play. For me, it will provide 8 weeks of 'something to do with adults' outside of places I was with him. <BR><P><BR>I was hoping to have coffee this week as just friends. He wants to have another one of 'those' discussions.<BR><P><BR>After the adultery reference, he hung up, then called back to say he will save money to file himself, since I will wait too long.<BR><P><BR>OW is out of town this weekend, and no doubt this is why he is pushing again. <BR><P><BR>I don't know whether to do the 'agreement' filing or to hold out 'til H does it out of desperation. Has anyone had a reconciliation after the latter??<BR><P><BR>Committed<BR><P><BR>------------------<BR><BR>Committed<p>[This message has been edited by Committed (edited April 21, 2000).]

Committed,<P>I just want to applaud you and affirm you for your commitment. My story seems to be pretty unique in these circles in that I am the betrayer and am desperatly trying to save my marriage. My infidelity wasn't so much of an affair, although that did happen, it happened in the context of acting out as a sex addict. <P>My point is that it took my wife leaving almost 6 months ago for me to recognize myself and get help. I am currently involved in a 12 step group and counseling. Unfortunatly, I have spent so much energy on trying to save or at least so down the path my w is on that I haven't been able to focus much attention on me and my recovery. I've been "sober" since she left, and I'm sure some of that is that I have been obsessed with the relationship. However, being able to finally talk open about it, (with others, she doesn't want to talk with me about it at all) has brought incredible relief.<P>Where I'm trying to go with this is, that I have reestablished a very close relationship with God through all of this, I've felt for the first time in my life, His unconditional love and grace. <P>I too am committed to either saving my marriage or reconciling after D. There is a couple of minsitries that believe in covenant marriage and offer support to the one standing for the marriage. They are,<BR>Covenant Keepers at covenantkeepersinc.org<BR>and Rejoice Marriage Ministries at rejoiceministries.org They've been a tremendous support for me so far.<P>I'm with Jill who said in another post, "with God, ALL things are possible." There are many who say, "but your W has her own free will and God is a gentleman, he won't force her to come back." I agree, but I also know that He hates divorce and I believe He will move on behalf of the marriage if someone will stand in agreement with Him. Read Isaiah 59:16<P>Some say I have no right to ask God to restore my marriage because of the wrong that I did. True, I certainly don't deserve it. Yet, I know God has forgiven me, I know that I crucified Christ, and I don't take that lightly, this Easter has meant more to me than any ever before. I know that I am a new creation in Christ, that there is no condemnation for me, that my sins are not only forgiven but forgotten as far as the east is from the west. Standing on my own righteousness, I am but rags, but standing on the righteousness of Jesus, the Father hears my prayers.<P>I am committed to praying for my W that she would experience the grace of God the way I have, and recommit her ways to Him, for as long has it takes.

Repenting- Can you fill me in on what happened in your marrige? You mentioned that it went bad due to you being a sex addict. <P>This may sound stupid, but how did you know you were a sex addict? The only reason I ask is because I think that is what happened to my h. He never use to be into everything he is into know. After getting involved with ow, he is now involoved in porn and masturbation. She truly bought all of this out of him. Do you think it is possible for a mad to become addicted to a woman who was able to bring this out of him. <P>What happened to make you realize that you needed help. <P>Just thought you might be able to help me understand my situation better since my h sound alot like you...

Repented, <BR><BR>Thank you for your reply. I will log on to those sites you mentioned when I return home from church. Today is first Easter or 'special day' without my H.<BR><P><BR>We had coffee for 3 hours Saturday at a local restaurant. We both shed many tears, and expressed our admiration for each other's gifts and talents. When I asked H to once<BR><BR>again explain why he couldn't live with me,<BR><BR>he mentioned the analytical way I approach things; the way I stack papers, etc., (he had the only 'office' room in the house.)We also briefly touched on our sex life. We were so 'conditioned' by our previous marriages, (his 3rd., my 2nd.), that he wasn't aggressive <BR><BR>enough,and if he fell asleep watching movie,<BR><BR> I didn't feel comfortable waking him. <BR><P><BR>Neither of us discussed with the other how we felt. He is presently unwilling to try again. Said he would not be back in the house. <BR><P><BR>When we parted, I didn't 'wait' for the usual hug, but squeezed his arm and 'see you <BR><BR>later'. I've been in agony about this all night. I want to feel his hugs.<BR><P><BR>He is pushing so hard for divorce. Says it <BR><BR>is becoming easier to hate me each time I <BR><BR>'stall' the D. <BR><P><BR>Have been in prayer all morning. I have to go direct a hymn sing today, and do a worship service, sing a special, and direct a choir.<BR><BR>(H was really by Bass section1)<BR><P><BR>As a betrayer, what do you feel I should do?<BR><BR>Will it be much harder for him to come back <BR><BR>if I stay in contact? Would it be better for me to go ahead as he asks? I thought I was doing much better this week, but the devastation is so shocking. I hurt sssssoooooooooooooooooooooooomuch. Have taken regular anti depressant plus a 5-HTP and St John's wort. I hope and pray it gets <BR><BR>me through.<BR><BR>Even as I say these things, I know I want only God's will. I also know He is the One who will 'get me through.' <BR><P><BR>I will be praying that your W will be receptive to your contrition. I have told H <BR><BR>that I do have forgiveness for him, and have been working on the things on my part that bothered him. I have been trying to do plan A, hard because he is living in an apartment, but I don't know what to do at this point.<BR><P><BR>I want him back, but told him only if I were the only W in his life.<BR><BR>I am still committed, even many people can't understand why.<BR><P><BR>I hope your day is good. Have a blessed Easter. Thanks to God for His infinite mercies.<BR><P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Committed