My husband left in January of '99. He kept his OW a secret until last summer, when he "outed" her during a so-called family vacation at the beach. She appeared, bikini-clad, with her 7 yr. old daughter and spent three of the six days vacation with my husband and our three children. He even brought her into our beach house. My kids have met her on three separate occasions since then and she is remote, aloof and sarcastic. The last straw for me was Thanksgiving Day when my husband insisted on having the children to dinner. Guess who cooked the meal? My children were horrified yet they went because they knew their father would be in a rage if they didn't. What I'm leading up to is this: My kids know that she is their father's girlfriend, even though we are not divorced yet. She sends my kids presents for their birthdays and holidays (my husband is the bearer of the gifts but they are supposedly from her). Should my children be accepting them? This burns me up. I feel as though this gift-giving is horribly inappropriate.<BR>She is not YET (and might never be) my childrens' stepmother! Thank you for all advice or opinions.

The OW started giving my kids gifts even before discovery, though then they were from some unspecified "friend". She bought them clothes and sent them home with them (supposedly my H paid for them), gave them birthday gifts, etc... <P>Of course it is inappropriate, but then again my H had the nerve to tell me that the OW is their "defacto stepmother".

My ex is seeing a married OW, that may soon leave her H, but for now I have told stbx, our daughter is at a very vulnerable age. (12) and I feel this is unethical... and very inapropriet.. (can`t spell!!) and I TOLD!!! him, there is no way the OW, will be flaunted in my daughters face with this behavior.. It is only condoning wrong doing, and will make him look like the bad party any way.. <P>The OW.. "perdue" is probably going to make her move, (out) after her daughters wedding, this coming June, so I am waiting to see what developes then.. <P>I have just signed the negotiated papers, that now have to go to court and be approved.. it won`t be long now, before the cord is cut between us, and things start to unwind, right before my daughters eyes.. and then she`ll finally realize, mom was betrayed.. It will be sad for the both of us.. the day we do have to contend with this hussy!! but I know in my heart she won`t respect this woman after this at all.. and will then look at me differently.. (so far daughter is blaming me for the divorce.. due to his lack of ability to communicate...) so, to our daughter, I was the one who drove her dad away..!!! <P>she is almost a teen, but can not rationalize any of this yet.. so I am now just waiting for him to show his true colors, some time soon.. and then the sh__! will hit the fan... unfortunatly the fan is my daughter!!! I of course will be there for her when she finally feels the devastation, her self.. <P>Av

I told my x that our son should not be receiving personal gifts from om.<P>For St Patricks day my x gave our son a green jacket that was clearly too large for him (and her too). It bothered me to see him wear it around. When I told him about it he said he would only wear it at his mothers. She told him that it was his coat to keep because "she" gave ti too him.<P>Om also gave my 9 yo son some aftershave. This after I told him he didn't need it. That was when I told x that om shouldn't be giving my son personal items, things that his father should be giving him, especially when I had said no.<P>They did buy him one other thing as a souvenir, and I don't have a problem with that. So far its been going pretty good in that area after my talk/rant with her.