It's Sunday AM and H just called. He's picking up our D and spending the day with her while I go into work. H has just spent the weekend with the OW at a resort. Last week seemed to go very well. Didn't LB and he was coming home quite a bit (he's currently staying with the OW). He's even starting to call more than usual. I'm feeling a little down and frustrated, though, because he was with her all weekend. I had very little contact with him. When I did I kept everything short because it upsets me he is with her and I fear I may LB really bad. It just seems that I was able to take a couple of steps forward with him and now he's back in the clouds since he's been with her. I just needed to vent and I don't want him to see me like this. Okay, he's with our D all day today so I'll just have to start anew today. Hopefully this week will continue the positive momentum... <P>------------------<BR>Molli

molli,<P>i don't really have any great advice - just wanted you to know you're not alone! i felt like this yesterday. my h is still here, but he won't talk about it much. i have a million questions, but i don't want to push too hard. but i started feeling sorry for myself yesterday. i thought it's awful that the betrayed is supposed to be so positive towards the betrayer, but what about our feelings? i cried a lot and then came here to read. i decided later to talk to my h anyway, and it went ok. i just told him that i was depressed and that i didn't think it was fair that i'm supposed to be so positive and be there for him - he doesn't know about the concepts here except what i have told him. he talked to me and said that i was right, that it was his fault because he's the one who had the affair, regardless of what was wrong with our marriage. he started crying talking about what he risked losing in all of this. we ended up having a really good talk. my h hasn't left me but he still sees the ow almost every night because she's his boss - he throws newspapers. hang in there - you're doing the right thing. i know i wasn't really any help but just wanted you to know you're not alone! god bless

Molli, I know exactly how you feel. My H has been living in an apt since Feb. He works with OP who is married and still living with her H (who knows). My H has not invited her to be with him. He seems to realize his state of "confusion"<P>Keep being upbeat. Just keep trying to plan A. Pick a need a week..... conversation, admiration...... Try NOT to LB about OP, but set your limits. I definately did that with my H.<P>I told him this was his choice and I was not going to stop him but I would not tolerate disrespct for me or the kids (we live in a small town). So once, when she told her H she was going to go to my H's apt and sleep with him I told my H if it was true, I was leaving town the next AM with the kids.<P>I really mean it. They can figure out wha t they want to do on their own time, not on my marraige. I will not subject my children to "this"<P>I think it is great that he is spending time with your D. Remember the 6 month "fantasy" time zone that the Harley's speak of. You may not get through until your H comes "down" alittle.

It sounds like you're doing all the right things so far. Hang in there. Your H is definitely still living the fantasy, but you did great not to LB when you talked to him. Keep up the good work! --HBC