My husband and I are back together after a month separation. He left around end of March. He was very unhappy for a long time. I was reacting to his coldness with my very own list of Love Busters (angry outbursts, jealousy, selfish demands, judgements etc.. We really got to each other for a long time, but it wasn't till I found a phone number(and it wasn't the first) that I confronted him again and we had an all out fight and he left. Over that period of time he really realized that all he wanted was me and our son and he wanted to come home and try to rebuild our marriage. We've been working at it and it seems to be going very well.<P>Here's the kicker. It turns out that the number I found was the home number of his secretary. He had also been out to drinks with her once. I know this is true b/c she hadn't been with the company except for 1 week before he left. I know she wasn't the reason b/c we had been having problems for a while. He said it was business and that they were only friends. I know he wasn't having an full-blown affair with her. <P>Through-out our separation my H called all the time and came by often. He always said he loved my but needed time and didn't want to live in an unhappy marriage. Anyway, I'm rambling. He's home and we spend all our time together and are very happy. <P>But, just today I called him on his cell phone around lunch time and he said he was eating. He told me, I didn't ask, that He, his boss and Charlotte (the girl he was just friends with) were at lunch and he would call me back. I said I love you and didn't get a return I love you back. He just said bye. Am I wrong to be worried about this. He obviously wasn't hiding anything or he would not have told me she was there and they were not alone I heard his boss in the background. She is a business colleague and she does work for him. Help!!! Do I sound as though I've convinced myself well enough that there isn't anything to worry about. <P>I keep telling myself that I'm just being insecure. Trust was always a big issue for my H. He wanted me to trust him and I didn't. He thought that there wasn't anything wrong with having female friends. I'm waiting for him to call me back and I'm sure he's expecting me to grill him with questions about his lunch with his boss and you know who. <P>I know I shouldn't but I'm afraid I might.<P>Please help me.<P>Cindy<BR>

He might have been embarrassed because his boss was there. Ask him politely as soon as you get a chance! Remind him that you still need assurances that You Are His.<P>Hang in there! --HBC

Hi Holding On -<P>I would tend to agree with HurtButCoping about why he didn't feel he could speak so intimately being in front of others and all....some people are just like that, it is embarassing or too personal.<P>I am sure that there is part insecurity and part dislike of his thinking that men and women can be classified as "friends" going on with your thoughts. Perfectly normal!!!<P>I do have a suggestion....not tonight (unless it feels right) but sometime soon.....introduce the Policy of Joint Agreement into your rebuilding if you haven't!!! If you have - then the "friends" issue must be negotiated. Not revolving around this particular woman - but in general.....you can just say that you have been reading here on rebuilding and that is part of what to be wary of.<P>You don't need to make it Personal to his behavior or your marriage...keep it in general terms. Might be even better if you think of other things that should be negotiated....like time together, chore sharing, making plans with people, etc. This way he would not suspect that you are just not trusting him or something!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Hey Cindy! I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I have such a mess here that anything I would say would not be constructive, I'm sure. <P>Just wanted to tell you I will be praying for you. Hey, since we live so close, we should get together and I could show you my husband's dream girl in person. I would like to see the look on your face. When you said secretary, for a minute I thought it might be the same one. Mine isn't named Charlotte though. I could drop by your H's office and check her out for you though. I've become a very adept detective. Retainer fees will be waived for you!<P>I'll be praying for you! I hope you get some more good advice. Kiss Cade.

Hey Cindy!<BR>I am kind of going through a similar situation. I just posted myself. My H and I have never been separated, as a matter a fact I always thought we had a pretty solid marriage. We have moved alot over the last 2.5 years. I know when we live in one city, he went out for drinks with a female coworker when I was out of town. That made me feel really insecure. When I told it that it bothered me, he told her. When I asked him if he told her, he said he didn't say anything to her.<P>Now we live in a new city (hometown)he is back at his old place of business. There is a single girl that works there. I have met her and didn't care much for her. I know they went to lunch one day and she asked him if I would get jealous of them having lunch. I found that to be odd. Then they had a bowling party, and the spouse were not invited, and she rode with him to the bowling place. He called and said that the group was going to eat and didn't come home until late. I know all the people he said went, did go.<P>Then about 2 weeks ago, I had this feeling that they were going to lunch together...So I drove by and waited in another parking lot..Sure enough, they got out of his truck together. My heart stopped beating. I called him and confronted him and he didn't deny that they went to lunch. He said, they go to lunch at the same time and they just wanted to go drive since it was such a nice day.<P>Then yesterday....He got up before I did, and left me a note that he was going to work to drop off some Soda and get a newspaper. He called me about an hour later from work, so I do know he was there. But, when he got home he went up to take his shower and his pager went off with 6969 it. I don't know what to think. I know he was at work, but for how long?<P>I know this really doesn't help you much, but I think we can relate. I don't know if he is having an affair, or not. He assures me that he isn't but some of them signs says he might be. I don't know what to do either. Sorry to ramble...<P>NotSure2K<P>------------------<BR>NotSure2K