I feel like I'm beating a dead horse here....<BR>My H's affair started 7 months ago.. discovery has been 6 months now....<P>He hasn't changed his tune at all... In fact says things that make me think that he has emotionally detached himself....... has made his final decision..<P>how long does this turmoil go on ??? I mean how long will this whole thing take??? I just feel that I'm at a loss, that I've lost.<BR>I now feel that he is down playing his relationship with thei op due to the fact that I called he work ... I never spoke to anyone, but did call back in March.. that is when he said she stole his heart.... and now he is saying he's in more of a friendship with her.... but he will see her at sometime..... should I just let him go???<P>Scoick

Hello Scoick,<BR> Have you thought about Plan B? I don't know about your story... I post very rarely. If you haven't, read up on Plans A&B. Talk to others who have tried it for feedback.<BR> I have been divorced for 4 years, now. Too late for Plan *anything* at this point, lol. Just thought I'd answer you. I know how frustrating it is waiting for answers to a post.<BR> Good luck,<BR> Mynabird

How long? There are affairs that last longer than you even want to think about. You can't control that, all you can do is control your behavior, reactions, responses, lovebusters.<P>My H began his affair over 2 years ago. He's stopped and resumed 3-4 times, moved out of the house and back in 6 times, he moved out the 7th time in Jan...I gave up on the marriage, even served him divorce papers...he decided he wanted me back. I couldn't work on the marriage 2 months ago. Now I can again. The reasons I want the marriage haven't disappeared--love, 18 years together, 2 kids, a great life together--but it is work. REALLY HARD WORK.<P>Right now we live separately, the OW has been pretty much out of the picture since Oct, as far as I know, just some calls & emails. But they work in the same complex, so they do inhabit the same spaces at times.<P>You've been Plan A for 6 months? If you can, go longer, but 6 months is the time frame Harley recommends. Does it feel like time for Plan B? Is your lovebank draining every time you see him? I tried Plan B, but didn't stick to it. I wish I had and had safeguarded the love I had for my H, the love that kept me in Plan A for 18 months.<P>As hard as it is, work on your life. If you have kids, spend time with them. Work-out, do things that you enjoy (or at least that you used to enjoy--I understand your zest for life might be lacking). If you stick with Plan A, be available sometimes for your H, but you have the right to make plans with female friends without his ok.<P>I wish you the best. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10