Thanks everyone for their answers. It's good to see how everyone deals with this issue in their own way. I think its hard to do plan A and snoop, but then again, he sometimes isn't a good lier, and even when I don't snoop, I suspect the worst. I need to get my thoughts under control too.<BR>Lora

IMHO - Snoop to your hearts content. Spying isn't reserved for when the "treaty" is finally broken. Spying maintains a sense that our freedoms aren't being broken internally. Snooping/spying are builders of trust IMHO. Where ignorance and the capacity to break a treaty exist, snooping projects that "I am keeping my side of our agreement, but there are somethings that are bothering me that your denying".<P>I just saw during lunch a website that you can register for 30 dollars a year and at a cost of 45 dollars a lie, they will provide you or whom ever with an alibi for you. I believe the site was alibi.com but I might be wrong. <P>Gone are the days of Integrity and Trust built on faith and love alone.<P>Now I am rambling.... anyhow... Snoop at your own risk.<P>Sorry to be so harsh, but I won't be burnt again.

Lora,<P>Although I would like to have a reason to stop snopping, like trusting my wife, I continue to look. The primary reason is that my wife tells me one thing, ie..no contact, doesn't care about him anymore,knows she hurt me bad, BUT tells friends a different story. I know I can't confront about what I have learned. At least, until I'm to the point that I want my marriage to end. My wife, since I discovered her EA afair in February has awlays taken the "I'm only telling you what I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW philosophy. That's fine. I have learned that my wife is NOT the kind of person I thought she was. She continues to keep door open for OP, just in case.

I found/finding it is tough to quit snooping when your spouse has lied to you. So it seems you have two options - keep going or quit. Quit and you think you might miss something. Keep going and you risk having spouse upset with you. I am still going and she has at least stopped contacting the ex. But she gets upset with me daily about snooping (but then again she would really get upset with me for snooping back when I didn't know). Anyway, I know that my snooping bothers her so hopefully I will have the strength and trust to quit. It is always a crap shoot - you quit he could keep on. You don't quit you damage the efforts toward regaining trust (at least that is what she tells me).

I stopped for my own sanity. Not that I don't want to know anymore or that i trust him (because i don't trust him). I just stopped because when i snooped and found something it hurt, and when i didn't find something - i just felt that he has found a better way to hide. So rationally in my mind. If I can't trust him either way - why waste my time snooping - just assume the worst.<P>

Lora,<P> Personally I think snooping serves a purpose. To prove to youself that you are not going crazy. Crazy from seeing your life fall apart in front of your eyes. Snooping can provide proof that you are not crazy.That your S or SO is hiding things from you that greatly affect your life. A life you feel is falling apart but don't know the real reason why. I found a note my H wrote @ a coworker 19 months ago. If I hadn't found the note I would be living a clueless life thinking he has been totally faithful to me. He had an EA w/her & I'm glad I found the note bc it explained alot @ his behavior towards me. Just yesterday I found a bday card from another female coworker saying she wished she could spend his bday w/him but couldn't. She signed it I love you- J. He has not worked w/both of these "women" for over a year. Said card was in glovebox for a long time. I'm upset, sad, scared but glad I found out. I would rather find out & be hurt than spend the rest of my life possibly living a lie. Living w/someone who can withhold damaging evidence to our marriage. If our S's refuse to tell us of all the things going on in their lives we have a right to find out any way we can. Then we can make an educated decision as to the direction we want our lives, marriages, etc to go. By not telling us they have all the power. Good luck & keep on snoopin.<P>Tryin to keep the faith,<P>Cassie