Well this is a question I am sure has been asked many times on this board. Basically, my wife and I are doing well since the incident happened almost 7 months ago. I am surprised as to how often I still think about it, I guess that is only normal. I am sure than in aother 7 months, I will be much better off. We are still seeing a therapist who has helped considerably. <P>My issue, however, is with the fact that I know this summer I will run into the other person, who used to be a friend of mine. Our other frined are questioning why we don't come around which is a good sign that noone know about it. I only hope that it never somes out, but I really can only have so much control. The problem is that I still have so much anger towards him that I do believe it could get violent. I am very rational person by nature, but in this case I do not know what I will do. Our therapist advised me to just consider him nonexistant. As anyone who has gone through this, it is easier said than done. I wish I could just let it go, but thet fact is I can't. I often think about what would happen and would greatly appreciate any advise you may have to offer about how to handle the eventual confrontation and also how do try to handle with those other friends that I have lost contact with.<P>Thanks and still eternally<BR>Optimistic

Hi Op, I'm six weeks into this, so I'm still squirrel-brained. I have confronted the OM once at his workplace since, and we're lucky that both of us didn't come out of there with less teeth and less blood. It didn't make me feel any better either. Him and I both have a lot of mutual friends (he was my friend for 7 years, too), but I haven't crossed paths with him when I'm around them....yet.<P>I've thought about your situation and if, down the road, my W comes back and we run into him and I can't say how I would react. I see him as the lowest form of life on Earth at this point, because you just don't do that to a friend. But, if my wife was back with me, I would feel more at ease and confident about myself (...at least I think I would). He wouldn't be the focus of my life, because she is (or would be). I would think that time (and being with your spouse) would allow you to deal with the person in a non-confrontational way, but if you do feel angry and want to attack, you'll probably just need to have the strength in yourself to walk away. If you don't think you have or can establish that strength, I suggest you see a professional who can help you deal with the anger.<P>I'm heeding my own advice; I'm seeing an individual counselor today to see if I can't overcome the anger I'm dealing with; it multiplied several times this past week, so I definitely need to find a way to redirect or diffuse it....<P>Good luck with your first encounter! I hope and pray that I'm in a situation similar to yours some day. But, if you must punch, I would head straight for the nose (kidding, of course.......use a kick to the groin).<P>theo<P>