Ok...<P>Just a few thoughts...<P>Most everyone is familiar with parts of my welcome wagon message... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I really meant this when I wrote it... and I still mean it!<P>I do wish that all would follow it as a guide as they make their replies...<BR>...as much as it is meant for people when they first come here, as for the veterans.<P>I do understand that emotions run high and wide... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>...despair, confusion, and sadness... gut wrenching emotions... that we thought could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity. Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>...for those who been through these... we need to realize that newbies(of any kind), especially, don't need more negatives presented to them. For many of us... these feelings last a longer time than for others...<P>We all know in the heat of the moment...<BR>due to countless outside factors we lose it.<BR>If we were all able to keep "feelings" in check... would there be any <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>?!<P>When situations arise that don't conform to the <I>"normal"</I> MB scenarios...<BR>...do we offer <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3402_disrespect.html" TARGET=_blank>disrespectful judgments</A>?<BR>...do we respond with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html" TARGET=_blank>intolerant outbursts</A>?<BR>...do we act <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3404_selfish.html" TARGET=_blank>selfish</A>... by claiming righteous insight?<BR>...do we, in the name of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>honesty</A> to <I>truth</I>, cover up our own <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3405_dishonesty.html" TARGET=_blank>dishonesty</A> of heart?<BR>...do we practice what we preach in the context of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>?<P>I too consider myself a Christian...<BR>and as such I <I>don't</I> profess to be <B>proud</B> of it...<BR>...on the contrary...<BR>...I'm am humbled by it...<P>We all fall...<BR>We all fail...<BR>We all sin...<BR>I would appreciate nothing more than just nominal acceptance of my own failings...<BR>...and a thought or two on how I could move on...<BR>...and be the better person I can be...<P>Yes... there are moral guidelines in life as a human being...<BR>Yes... there are absolutes...<BR>Yes... it is OK to profess them...<BR>But not at the cost of showing are own inability to be compassionate... to care... to love.<BR>When we lose the ability to be compassionate... to care... to love... we've lost too much.<P>When we apply the MB principles...<BR>...we do so on some more profound moral basis than any <B>one</B> religion/belief can espouse...<BR>MB principles are founded on "human relationship" building.<P>If we believe that a post/situation is out of the scope of the what we... <BR>...as a support group... are here for...<BR>...let's just leave it at that... without moral judgment or condemnation.<BR>...especially when the judgment or condemnation is of the person...<BR>...and not the act/action.<P>A kind word...<BR>...to a fellow human in distress...<BR>...goes much further than<BR>...a careless expression of disapproval.<P>A gentle thought...<BR>...goes much further than<BR>...a righteous insight.<P>--------------------------------------------------------<P>Your welcome wagon,<P> <P>Jim

Well said, Chim-Chim <BR>See we all need you not only to greet the newcomers, but also to remind the rest of us of the principles that we strive to follow, and showing us the gentle and loving path.<BR>Once again, welcome back, we need you here as much as you need us

I asked my H once why he didn't "search" this site and he said it was too depressing.<BR>Well when I discovered this site, I first read all the articles written by the Harleys to try and understand MY situation. Then I started posting here. I too have noticed the change, but I've also noticed the changes in myself. I can remember when I read somthing that someone said, and say" Hey I know where that person IS in this process I was there X weeks ago etc. Reading the ups and downs have made me feel like I am not the only one going thru the roller coaster ride, and thanks to good and bad post on here I have been able to ride out my OWN Ride.<BR>I keep checking in, because low and behold after reading how AWFUl and hopless this sometimes seems, thier will be someone who's <BR>S is finally coming out of the fog and things are strting to turn around for them. ( Even when by thier post, I would have never believed it could happen)<BR>So I guess that is why I am still here, and even if my H and I NEVER reconsile, I have LEARNED much that will help ME either together or apart.<BR>So if we can gently guide those "new members"<BR>( what an awful club to have to join) To learn or read about the principals , I think it will help them in their decision to either work on thier marriages or give up. Knowing they will have few regrets if they REALLY did try...to make it work.

All,<P> Something else to consider is that sometimes we are unaware of just how affected we can be by what is happening in our lifes. I know myself for at least the last weeks I have been busting at the seams. I can cry one minute and beat the he!! out of door way the second. I have come to grips with what has been going on but I look back and can't believe this has been me.<P> I do want to appolize to anyone I may have let loose on, I didn't mean it. The mind can do some amazing things include distortion of reality. I'm sorry and hope I don't go back to that place again.<P>Joe

<B>THANX FOR YOUR WORDS, CHIM, I MEAN JIM <P>ALEX</B> <P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>