Can any of you betrayer out there let me know if it was hard for you to admit you made a mistake? I think my h would rather remain with ow then admit to me and all his family and friends that he was wrong. I just think that part of his fantasy is to prove to everyone that he was right all along. Is this common for betrayer to think like this? Or, are they willing to admit that the life they had with their wife and kids really was wonderful. My h only excuse for his behavior is that he knows he loves me but he is just drawn to this ow and he can no longer ignore these feelings. <P>I am getting that hopeless feeling and truly feel like giving up. Can anyone convince me not to?????<P>How long can this fantasy continue? I don;t see him much but I do run into him a about 2 times a week. Any thoughts on how I should treat him when I do see him???

I'm starting to wonder if we need to find some deprogrammers. It seems like it's all mind control.... In my H's case he is chronically sleep deprived. Think of how mind control is used..... with sleep deprivation.<P>I do not have great advice. As you know, our stories are too similar. I feel like giving up every other day. It changes for me based on what the OP's h tells me.<P>My H has been nice to me, and has been doing alot with the kids. Yet the OP's h is telling him things that I am doing and giving him the impression that my H is not interested in the marraige.<P>I, like you, am sick and tired of this. I mean do we really want anyone who can be so controlled like this. <P>I think its time for plan B with a move!!!!<P>

If I were you, when I saw him I would act happy. Let him think of you as the good erson that you are and not as someone getting on his case.<P>Good luck! --HBC

I know I should probably keep my fingers still, but sometimes I get a little offended when a calling goes out to all the betrayers to get insight on our evil minds. I am sure that some of the betrayers OW and OM are not the nicest people; however, in some cases I truly don't believe they are brainwashing conivers either. I was married for 15 years to an abusive husband; I stayed because I believed in marriage, in trying, do give stability to my kids, and with the thought that maybe if I did this or that it would get better. Someone came along who was kind to me and and EA ensued. I was so emotionally bankrupt I probably could have fallen in love with anyone who showed me a bit of kindness. I know that is not an excuse, but I don't consider myself a brainwasher. I know that any kind of affair is not the way to go, people get hurt, and I imagine a PA is even more devastating, but remember it takes two. Your S is supposedly an adult that should take responsiblity for his or her actions. Why is it always the betrayers OW or OM's fault? My H blames the OM all the time for our marital problems, the OM wasn't the root of the problem, my H's abusiveness was and is. He spends so much time ranting and raving about the OP, who I have not had a breath of contact with in several months, and refuses to work on the real problems. <P>I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but some of us betrayers are trying to put things back together and are not the evil brainwashers some see us as. Again, I realize everyone has their own story, which would certainly color your view on things.<P>