I talked to H to tell him what was going on with me. I told him that I didn't know what I want and he got upset. I did tell him not to give up and hopefully things will work out. Now he is acting like everything is just peachy keen and it is really starting to get my goat!! I don't know what to say to him to let him know that nothing has really changed. Someone help me!!!!

I am sorry that you find yourself here.<P>My wife did much the same as you. Didn't know what she wanted. Only knew that I was not part of it.<P>IMHO, marriage is much more about committment, shared values, and building a life together than it is about that queasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. As I have said before, if I want that feeling, I'll go eat some bad chinese food! Our society is too much into the disposable mode. If things don't work, just get another one. That goes for radios, cars, and spouses. It's too bad.<P>Again IMHO, marriage is too serious a committment to be built on a foundation of such a transient emotion as romantic love. My wife and I had been together for 14 years. We had good times and bad times. We did a lot of things right, and probably even more things wrong. But one thing I thought we had was the committment to each other to work things out when the going got tough. Guess I was wrong, but I see her coming around in baby steps.<P>How do you expect him to react? Maybe he is on this site and Plan Aing you. Are you trying to drive him away so that you don't have to take responsibility for your feelings? If he starts treating you like you treat him, you are justified in leaving?<P>Are there any children involved here? If so, it is all the more reason to try to make it work.<P>You say that nothing has changed. Have you done anything to make things change? You say that he is a great guy. Have you shown him that you think he is a great guy? Be proactive. You will hear me say this to almost everyone, go seek counseling. For yourself, and for him. All behavior has reason and purpose. Find out what your reason and purposes are.<P>Good Luck to you. I hope you can work this out for yourself.

tawni:<P>Try not to focus on your H right now. Focus on yourself and on your marriage and try to decide what you want.<P>Grandpabri has given you some very good insight into marriage. Think about it and decide what is best.<P>When you tell your H something definite, he will understand and respect your wishes. If you think there might be hope (and judging from your post you seem to) give your marriage every bit of effort you can.<P>Good luck to you. --HBC