Hi Everyone,<P>Found an AOL Instant Messanger account. Tony says he never set it up. Funny thing is that it is tied to our personal email account, the user name is Tony's and the password is the one Tony always uses. He still states that the account is not his. No matter how much I ask for the truth. He states that he did not set it up and he is not sure how it was created. <P>He also says that he knows from my perspective it looks bad and it points to him creating the account but that he did not create it. This is a couple of weeks after he went to the bar after knowing I did not want him to go without me. He has also know mentioned that other people were at the bar besides just his sister and her new boyfriend.<P>All his affairs always start at this time. March/April. He also knows I have no trust or respect for his family. They always have assisted him in cheating. Not to mention he went to bar with his sister who cheated on her x-boyfriend with the x-boyfriend's best friend. This family has no morals or concept of right and wrong. They do what ever makes them feel good. <P>I have purchased a new house. Tony and I have been discussing this. I am not sure I want him to move in with me. I have reached the point where I am so unwilling to tolerate anymore of this. He says he loves me and wants to do what ever it takes to make it up to me. <P>The past couple of weeks he has been apologizing to me a great deal. Even for his family's involvment. I just am having a hard time letting go of all the affairs, cold selfish attitude, and the mistreatment I have had to face from him and his family. <P>I just feel like he is manipulating me again. Until things quite down and then he will start all over again. Am I the only one who feels this of way?

Paha, you aren't the only one. Trusting again is a leap of faith. And feels as scary as leaping off a tall building--probably the deeper/longer the betrayal the longer the leap?<P>Can't give you advice, but I can tell you things don't usually get better with separation. Sometimes they don't get worse.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pahakissa}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

What browser does he use? Netscape installs AIM when it gets installed, so it's possible he's telling the truth. Try loading it and seeing if he has any buddies defined. If he doesn't, he's probably telling the truth. If he does, you know he's lying.

Lor,<P>You are so wonderful. I know how it feels. I just can not trust him anymore. I think it would be better off getting a dog or cat. <P>I have been very honest with him about how I feel. He is just well what can I do to prove to you that I am trust worthy as long as he does not have to do any work.

This first paragraph has been added in after I went back and read your old posts. Things look worse now, that I see that he's yelled at you, called you up at work and blamed you for his problems, and he HIT you? And you're still there? I believe in marriage, and ours has problems, but physical violence is intolerable. Now the alarms are really sounding. Did your counselor advising you to end the marriage have anything to do with the physical abuse? If so, she makes sense. <P>Add to this, the thing about your buying a house. (See next part)<P>Honey, the alarm bells and red flags are shrieking and waving here. You're married to this guy and you just bought a house? A HOUSE? Do you live in a community property state? Ouch, ouch, ouch. Would Tony be entitled to part of the house you just bought, ouch! ouch! stop it it hurts! ouch!<P>He shares the values of his family, and they have no morals and they will lie for him? And you're going to school, improving yourself, increasing your learning potential? Okay, I know we're not supposed to be judgemental, just be accepting and supportive of each other while we struggle with these issues. <P>Why would you let this guy into your new home? Never mind "I love him" - are you of the same moral caliber? (I'm guessing NO).<P>Any kids? You have a short marriage, right? Back up and get some perspective. Get emotionally and intellectually detatched. (IMHO). Please, see a lawyer and think about hiring a private detective. Ouch!<p>[This message has been edited by Bellevue (edited May 05, 2000).]

Hi TruthSeeker,<P>We use Netscape. And I did check his AOL Instant Messanger. It has never been used. I have yet to go through all his disks for the program running on that. I also have not seen any activity on this account. <P>I am not sure why the account got set up. I have had the program on a computer of mine and running for close to a week now and nothing. No one has contacted it nor anyone on the buddy list. I am trying very hard to believe him but I have been through this one too many times.<P>I work in the computer industry and I have been able to break into co-worker's computers. Tony knows this. I doubt he would be that stupid to do anything but then again he has never been that good at hiding anything.<P>Bellevu,<P>Thank you very much for the concern. Believe me my brother gave him a very stern warning. Tony has a hard time controling his anger. He throws things around becuase it is acceptable at his parent's house. I just happened to have been in the area he threw things. I am not making excuses for him. He knows what he did was wrong.<P>I have to say he is getting better. I feel like I am rasing a child though at times. No we do not have any children. In this stage in my life I really do not care for that responsability. I am in the process of finishing my Masters and trying to fight the male ologopy at work that women can be upper management. <P>The house is in my name and Tony is legally a renter. I have set it up that of way. Not to sound ruthless or anything but it was my money for the down payment and everything else. I searched for the house and have lined up everything for the move. I am doing this to protect my finanical interests. Just as anything Tony purchases with his money is his. We also have a pre-nuptual agreement. What ever he gains is rightfully his and what ever I stand to gain is mine.<P>I do see what you are trying to say and in a lot of ways I agree with you. Still wish I knew why I am staying.

Paha, you said you wonder if you'd be better off with a dog or cat? Uh, I've got a dog, and just got the third cat this week. I'm going for the "Cat Lady" scenario, I think. The last cat was a mercy adoption from my youngest daughter's best friend who is moving into a household where her new stepbrother is allergic to cats. Who'd be more sympathetic than me? My oldest daughter wanted me to promise that if I ever re-marry (I guess this would include a divorce first?) that I'd never marry anyone who himself was allergic, or who had kids who were. I said I couldn't promise that. Who knows? And I don't want to break promises to the kids. <P>(sorry to interrupt your serious thread, but your thought sent me on a tangent... )

Hi Lor,<P>Oh I was the same way when I was growing up. My poor Mom at one point I had six cats. I would adopt them all. The last cat actaully adopted me. He was abused and just came up to me and invited himself into the house. I think the other cats invited him in becuase they knew I would take him in. <P>I joke with a friend of mine when ever we comiserate about our Significant others. Her boyfriend is a bit off to say the least. I always go....dog....man....hard choice.<P>I saw this Astralian Sheep dog on sale. They wanted 500USD for him and he was not even a pure bread. He was so cute though.<P>Do not worry about changing topic on my thread. It is nice to have something else to chat about. Have a great sunday. And keep up the adoption work. We all need animal love. I think it almost the best kind.