Hello,<P>It is 12:30 pm 5/7 I just talked to my wife, well my ex wife I guess would be the better term.<P>We had a semi informative conversation (she called to talk to the kids but ended up talking to me instead).<P>She no longer considers what she is doing with the other man an 'affair' she now calls it a relationship. I guess it is since she is now living with him. I asked her for her honest from the heart opinion on us, I asked her is there any chance at all or is our marriage dead in the water, her reply "I don't know" I asked her if she was thinking of a divorce, she said "no". She tells me that she was unhappy, and when he came along he made her happy. She knew what she was doing, she made a choice to be with him and leave me. She did not want to try to work on our marriage (would explain why she never said anything to me until the day she walked out), she felt/feels that there is nothing left inside her to give for our relationship.<P>She tells me that she loves him, and right now the totality of what she feels toward me is I am the father of her children, and the love she feels is based only on that.. nothing more.<P>I have learned that the other man has cheated on his wife a total of 4 times (that his wife is aware of) and he even left her once for 9 months to live with another women. I also have learned that his and my wifes affair has lasted 'undercover' for almost a year and a half (when they graduated from being friends, to being lovers). His wife has told me that he still tells her that he loves her, and that he feels pressured to do what he is doing (pretty weak man if you ask me). He will also not let her transfer any of the bills out of his name and visits with her on a regular basis (he has two children, but visits with her while they are at school). She is convinced that he will come home to her (why she would want him after 4 other affairs is beyond me, but then I still want and love my wife).<P>Things do not quite add up on many fronts, I understand that he (the other man) is very likely lying to his wife (padding his security blanket to be able to come home if and when his current relationship with my wife ends). I think I have been played the fool for a very long time. My marriage apparently was nothing but a cruel joke played on me for the last 1 1/2 to 2 years. Could it be because of the 'rush of an affair' or could it be that she just does not love me anymore and thats that? If she was truly pretending to be my wife, then she should win an academy award for best actress, cause she sure fooled me.<P>Anyway, I do not want to make any rash decisions. I don't want a divorce, I like to think that she does love me, but is in so deep with this guy that she does not see it. Her 'unhappiness' only came about AFTER she met him, could he have convinced her that she was unhappy? could she have convinced herself she was unhappy to make the affair feel ok to her? I don't know. I think I will wait, I will give it some time, I would like nothing better than for her to come home to me, but I am starting to think that her coming home is a long shot at best.<P>Sorry to ramble on.<P>Keith<P>I guess I would like to know if there are any women out there that did what my wife is now doing, and came home to their families and worked it out (or even tried to work it out) I dont want to judge you, just find out what changed your mind to make you go back to your spouse.
