History: Marriage of 9 years, both in mid 30s, step son from prior marriage never adopted (wife won't let me). Both of us are on our second marriage, we've known eachother all of our lives (kindergarten on).<P>Dilemma: Approximately annually+ my wife falls out of love with me and out of touch with her emotional well being. The majority of the incidents include sexual affairs with much younger boys and once another woman. I forgive and move on with the relationship, mostly because of my son. Now I'm in the cycle all over again. My wife just wants my financial resources and absolutely refuses any professional help.<P>Reader Request: I want to end the cycle of torment as I'm a committed husband and father. Is this a lost cause? I want my son in my life (10+ years now) and I don't want to provide my wife any financial resources to help promote this intolerable behavior. This time she's renting a trailer from a 17 year old male co-worker who lives on the property with his grandmother. or She'll stay in our house only if she can boink whatever and whenever she want's. and Of course it's in my son's best interest. Why can't I get past the moral feeling of obligation? Have I been investing in penny stock with no hope of big returns? <P>I'm particularly interested in responses from similar households and not opinions based on an individuals feelings. I need to make some hard choices and I want to do that with real information. Any Clarity? <P>

Without change, there can be no progress. Her behavior is intolerable. IMHO, you have put up with more than any person could be expected to.<P>My wife has had a number of affairs, until the one that she started investing emotional energy in. Then she left. Left everything, including the kids.<P>This may be a hard road for you, but she has left the house. File for custody of your stepson. Where is biodad? In the picture? Since you have been around for most of the kids life, I would think you have a decent chance. The sooner you file for divorce, the sooner you can cut off her financial lifeline. The date of separation is important.<P>Go over to the Fathers Rights to Custody website. Lots of good people over there that can answer your questions better than I. They are at <A HREF="http://www.deltabravo.net/custody" TARGET=_blank>www.deltabravo.net/custody</A>

My suggestion is get some legal advice...<P>If you need to <B>protect</B> yourself legally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists(>80% in divorce/custody/etc.)... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the better... You can normally find a few that will give initial counseling free of charge.<BR><A HREF="http://www.uslaw.com" TARGET=_blank>USLaw.com</A> (an alternative search site)<P>I'm in a somewhat similar situation...<BR>Stepson... could not adopt... but he's 17 going on 18!<BR>W is living with (almost 9 months now) OM... only one though!<P>You need to document everything possible...<BR>...especially her interactions with the kids...<BR>A <B>daily journal</B> is a <B>MUST</B>!<P>I do know your pain...<P>The purpose of Marriage Builders is build marriages... bu the safety and wellbeing of the family has to come first.<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P> <P>Jim